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Al would get a new car if he gets a commercial done about his car hitting the 1 million mile mark. Unfortunately, while he was sleeping in the car, he accidentally shifted the gear, starting the gas while at 999,999.9 miles.
Al: Women, can't live with them. The end.
Al: Peg I am starting to since you have a hatrid for the Dodge.
Peg: No Al. I hate war and injustice but I fricken hate the Dodge!
Al: How did you get to the hospital when Bud was born?
Al: While I was going to the pool hall, in the Dodge!
(Reading Al's Dodge for sale ad)
Jefferson: Used Dodge of indeterminant year. Forced to sell by used wife of indeterminant year
Bill Ellis: After your car hits a million miles and we record it, the Viper is yours.
Al: Oh Peg, I am so happy I could shake your hand.
Peg: What does that mean?
Al: I don't know Peg, I am just babbling like this because I am starring at her cleavage.
Al: I am not the worrying kind Marce, and if I do this, it appears I have breasts (pushes breasts forward)
Marcy: You don't have to do that.
(To Bud and Kelly)
Al: Kids! Or should I say lackey's of the red devil.
(To song on radio "who let my hound dog be good today")
Al: Ah, who was the genius that let West Virginia become a state?
(To Peg on car phone)
Al: Hello Peg! I am in Burnt Scrotum, New Mexico!