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Carl Has Issues - Recap

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The scene opens with Carl and Mike are at their regular restaurant, where Samuel brings them their orders. However, he has got the plates mixed up. When Carl points that out, Samuel says he should have known Mike’s the one to be eating fat man baby food. Carl is eating something lighter than usual because he is invited to Christine’s for dinner. When Mike says a good word about their relationship, Carl confirms that Christine is one woman to whom he listens, without just nodding his head and imagining her naked on a seesaw. Moreover, their relationship has moved over to a spiritual level. However, Mike is quick to point out the fresh underwear and toothbrush Carl kept in their car glovebox. Carl adds that he also has a set of condoms strong enough for a Second World War machine gun.

Later, when Mike gets back home, Vince, Joyce and Victoria are getting ready to leave for a vacation. While the ladies are taking time, Vince explains how his casino room is not just a room – but a Presidential Suite – with three beds, a wet bar and two and a half crappers. He also has a secret which he better not tell Mike because he is a cop, and Vince’s firecrackers fantasy is only legal in Indiana – where he is headed. On the way out, Victoria points out to Mike and Molly, that they will have the whole house to themselves while the vacation is on.

Meanwhile Carl is having dinner at Christine’s. She is happy to be able to cook grown-up food. Otherwise, she is always making funny looking items for her 6-year-old son. When Carl moons over her Chicken Piccata, she tells him he should also check out her Egg Benedicts the next morning. Although he is unable to catch her signal unwittingly at first, he does pick it up a few seconds later = when his smartalec comment fails miserably. She explains that her son is at his dad’s place, so they have the house to themselves. Meanwhile, Mike and Molly are all excited as she readies a wine and two glasses. Just as they are about to kiss, Vince is back – he has forgotten his erectile encouragement medicine.

Meanwhile, Carl and Christine are making out on a sofa. A call interrupts their session. It is Christine’s son. He cannot sleep. Christine sings him a lullaby, but ends up bringing tears rolling down Carl’s cheeks. He cannot help it. If she was singing Papa was a Rolling Stone, he would be in a hospital right now. Later, when Mike and Molly are about to have a good time in bed, the doorbell rings. Although Mike hopes he can shut if off by putting a pillow on Molly’s ears, it just keeps ringing. Mike gets downstairs to check. Carl’s at the door. Mike is about to say bye and shut the door on his face, but Molly’s kind enough to let him in – it’s freezing outside. Carl explains his story. He felt like dung in Christine’s house, left for the liquor store, dumped himself drinking outside Mike’s place and there he is. Molly’s happy Carl did not have to drive any further, and tells Mike to make up the couch for him. Not before long, Carl is hugging Mike and thinking how well his night suit resembles a waterbed in a fancy hotel. Next day on duty, when Carl announces that his grandmother was able to get the puke out of Mike’s night suit, Mike wants him to keep it away. Carl regrets being stuck with his own puke stain. When Christine buzzes his phone, he does not want to pick up. Alibi – he’s on duty. Mike cannot but comment. He deserves a butt in as Carl had interrupted his pleasure session with Molly.

Mike continues. All of Carl’s ex-girlfriends had either artificial boobs or artificial something else. Now, with Christine in his life, there can be no one better or stronger. While his life is about to get ‘bing bang boom’, he cannot bing-bang-boom! After a while of driving, when they reach their regular restaurant, Christine’s been waiting for Carl right there. However, when she sees him, she leaves, calling it quits and suggesting that Carl needs a spine for a meal. Later, Samuel comments, she was a good one. ‘Yes she was,’ says Mike. So how long should Samuel wait before asking her out? Later, when Carl gets to his grand mom’s, she announces she is expecting Brother Hayward anytime soon, and Carl better leave. Soon she discovers the trouble Carl’s been having with his Christine. She tells him to buck up as a man, but expresses her nostalgia relating back to the time when Carl’s mother left him with her since he was just six. She had the best time of her life when Carl used to recite Martin Luther’s speech about ‘proclamation emaciation’ and ‘four score years ago’, but he must be a man, and there is a time and place for everything. Carl must leave. Brother Hayward’s on his way.

Carl leaves and gets to Christine’s place. She does not allow Carl in, but he gets her to listen to him. He explains why he felt so tearful and awkward after she put her son to sleep singing a lullaby over the telephone. It works. She tells him her son is with her, and it’s not the right time. Meanwhile, Mike and Molly are deciding where to make out. Mike comments the bean bag would be too noisy given that Molly’s wearing pants. Not before long, Carl’s at the door. They answer it without contemplating, but Molly is quick to slam the door on his face this time. The episode ends.

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