Season 3

49 :03x01 - Dude Ranch

The family heads to Jackson Hole, Wyoming for some western action and adventure in the great outdoors. Lost Creek Ranch offers many activities, including cattle driving, skeet shooting, and horseback riding. Jay also has to protect his woman from an ornery outlaw named Hank, Dylan shows up, and Alex gets her first kiss.
Guest Stars: Tim Blake Nelson as Hank | Reid Ewing as Dylan |
Co-Guest Stars: Matthew Gumley as Jimmy Scrivano
Director: Jason Winer

50 :03x02 - When Good Kids Go Bad

Mitchell and Cameron prepare to tell the rest of the family that they plan to adopt another baby, only to receive a very negative reaction to the news from Lily. Elsewhere, Manny feels pressure to come clean about a theft, and Haley and Alex try to trick Luke into giving up his room.
Guest Stars: Laurel Coppock as Miss Elaine | Reid Ewing as Dylan |
Co-Guest Stars: Annie Tedesco as Laura | Amanda Musso as Attractive Woman
Director: Michael Spiller
Songs: Reid Ewing -- Horsey Song, Deniece Williams -- Let's Hear It for the Boy, Sofía Vergara -- She'll Be Coming Around The Mountain

51 :03x03 - Phil On Wire

The growing bond between Jay and Stella the dog perturbs Gloria. Phil and Luke set out to do something awesome involving a tightrope. Claire makes a big mistake while trying to teach the girls a lesson. Cameron goes on a juice fast, creating tension between him and Mitchell.
Guest Stars: Justin Kirk as Charlie Bingham | Lusia Strus as Officer Blevin | Jenica Bergere as Janet |
Co-Guest Stars: Andres Londono as Server
Director: Jason Winer

52 :03x04 - Door to Door

The family sets their sights on accomplishing various goals. Jay helps Manny sell wrapping paper for a school fundraiser. Claire petitions the city to install a stop sign at a nearby intersection. Mitchell and Cameron come to an impasse over a disagreement. Phil and Luke try to create a viral video sensation. Gloria loses Stella, and goes on the hunt for Jay's beloved pooch.
Special Guest Stars: David Cross as Duane Bailey (Councilman Duane Bailey) |
Guest Stars: Jordan Feldman as Olson |
Co-Guest Stars: Paleigh Knight as Blanche | Bob Levitan as Eco Neighbor | Michelle Anne Johnson as Adoption Official (Ellen Roberts) | Robin Krieger as Jewish neighbor | Michael D. Cohen as Odd Neighbor | Murray Gershenz as Elderly Neighbor
Director: Chris Koch
Writer: Bill Wrubel

53 :03x05 - Hit and Run

Phil and Claire have another negative encounter with an egotistical city councilman, leading Claire to think about throwing her name into the race. Jay is having problems at work, while Manny has issues at school. Neither wants Gloria's help. Mitch and Cam get into a fender bender.
Special Guest Stars: David Cross as Duane Bailey (Councilman Duane Bailey) |
Guest Stars: Samm Levine as Josh |
Co-Guest Stars: David Neher as Peter | Michael Yurchak as Bruce | Gwen McGee as City Clerk | Gary Kraus as Father | Lily Mae Silverstein as Daughter
Director: Jason Winer
Writer: Elaine Ko

54 :03x06 - Go Bullfrogs!

Phil takes Haley on a college tour of his alma mater, leaving Claire to head out on the town with Mitch and Cam. Unfortunately, Claire gets flirty with a man she assumes to be gay, but who is very much interested in her. Elsewhere, Jay and Gloria debate having "the talk" with Manny.
Guest Stars: Gilles G. Marini as Julian | Kevin Daniels as Longinus | Andrea Savage as Holly | Artemis Pebdani as Bethenny | Jordan Nichols as Ben Ford |
Co-Guest Stars: Rico E. Anderson as Policeman | Mandi Kreisher as Co-ed | Cory Knauf as Darts Player | Anastasia Basil as Jilted Wife | Danny Zuker as Danny | Claudia Choi as Holly's Friend | Nika Williams as Shopper
Director: Scott Ellis
Songs: The Beastie Boys -- For Paul Revere

55 :03x07 - Treehouse

Gloria becomes jealous of how much time Shorty and his girlfriend spend together, so he pressures Jay into taking her out for a night of salsa dancing. Meanwhile, Cameron goes all out to win a bar bet, and Phil makes a new friend while building Luke a tree house.

Special Guest Stars: Leslie Mann as Katie | Chazz Palminteri as Shorty |
Guest Stars: Jennifer Tilly as Darlene | Craig Zimmerman as Crispin | Kevin Hart (1) as Andre |
Co-Guest Stars: Jessica Makinson as Waitress | Alex Quijano as Club Guy
Director: Jason Winer

56 :03x08 - After the Fire

After a neighbor's house tragically burns down, the Pritchett/Dunphy clan rallies together to raise funds so that the now homeless family can get back on their feet. Of course, things don't go entirely as planned. Jay injures his back. Cameron is involved in shenanigans with a moving truck. Claire goes jealous of Mitchell spending time with Gloria. Luke and Manny take some of the donated toys for themselves.
Co-Guest Stars: Mikey Reid as Abraham | Tyler Alexander Mann as Nerd | Kiva Jump as Cindy | Josh Latzer as Trucker
Director: Fred Savage
Writer: Danny Zuker
Songs: Amos Lee -- Sweet Pea

57 :03x09 - Punkin Chunkin

An old neighborhood acquaintance returns to town as a hugely successful billionaire, causing Phil to question what he's doing with his own life. Jay thinks Manny needs some constructive criticism, while Cameron gets offended that Mitchell would dare question the validity of his wild childhood memories. There's only one solution: a good old fashioned Punkin Chunkin contest.
Guest Stars: Josh Gad as Kenneth |
Co-Guest Stars: Gretchen Morgan as Natalie | Aaron Krebs as Andy
Director: Michael Spiller
Writer: Ben Karlin

58 :03x10 - Express Christmas

During a family gathering, the group realizes that they'll all be scattered apart come Christmas day. Not wanting to forgo a holiday get together, everyone is sent off to perform a different task. Mitchell, Alex and Lily procure the tree. Jay and Cameron are in charge of gift wrapping. Phil and Manny go grocery shopping. Gloria and Luke pick up the ornaments, and Claire and Haley buy the gifts. Can everything come together in time?
Co-Guest Stars: Ron Roggé as Craigslist Guy | Eric Petersen as Tree Salesman | Kamen Edwards as Shopper
Director: Michael Spiller

59 :03x11 - Lifetime Supply

Phil is wracked with worry after missing a call from his doctor. He was waiting on test results, and automatically jumps to the worst conclusions. Meanwhile, Manny's dad Javier shows up unexpectedly, and Mitchell's new trophy creates jealousy between he and Cameron.
Special Guest Stars: Benjamin Bratt as Javier Delgado |
Guest Stars: Philip Baker Hall as Walt Kleezak | Don Lake as Dr. Sendroff | Steve Tom as Chip
Director: Chris Koch

60 :03x12 - Egg Drop

Luke and Manny have a big school project coming up, involving each student seeing who can build the best protective capsule for a dropped egg. Claire and Jay find out, and can't resist during the assignment into a personal competition. Meanwhile, Phil asks Gloria and Haley to be audience plants during a work presentation, and Mitch and Cam meet with prospective mothers to be.
Guest Stars: Zoé Jarman as Lindsay |
Co-Guest Stars: Jonathan Kehoe as Audience Member
Director: Jason Winer

61 :03x13 - Little Bo Bleep

The family helps Claire prepare for her upcoming debate with her opponent for city council, but their suggestions do more harm than good. Mitch and Cam are stunned when Lily starts dropping f-bombs around the house. Jay blames Gloria for Stella's odd behavior.
Special Guest Stars: David Cross as Duane Bailey |
Co-Guest Stars: Johnny Ray Meeks as Man at Debate | Carol Abney as Woman at Debate
Director: Chris Koch

62 :03x14 - Me? Jealous?

Phil is so worried about impressing a new business partner that he fails to notice the man being overtly sexual with Claire. Meanwhile, Mitch and Cam stay with Jay and Gloria while their own home is fumigated, leading to a battle over space and control.
Special Guest Stars: Greg Kinnear as Tad |
Guest Stars: Phil Hendrie as Booker Bell |
Co-Guest Stars: Alexis Fowlkes as Annie | Barbara Dodd as Ellen (as Barbara Dodd Remsen) | Carolyn Morse as Kara | Michael William Arnold as Tad's Son | Cole Bernstein as Tad's Daughter
Director: Michael Spiller
Writer: Ben Karlin

63 :03x15 - Aunt Mommy

After closing a sale to Mitch and Cam's friends, Phil and Claire take the two men out for a celebration dinner. Unfortunately, some over-indulgence in alcohol leads to secrets being revealed and proposals being made, and an awkward next morning for everyone involved.
Guest Stars: Colin Hanlon as Steven |
Co-Guest Stars: Rodrigo Rojas as Stefan | Joe Bonilla as Leon (as Joseph Bonilla)
Director: Michael Spiller

64 :03x16 - Virgin Territory

Jay is crushed when Mitchell manages to ruin one of his proudest moments on the golf course. Phil overhears something that may forever alter his view of Haley. Gloria discovers a big secret of Claire's. Luke and Manny grow tired of Lily's unrelenting cuteness, and conspire to get her in big trouble.
Guest Stars: Ernie Hudson as Miles | Will Greenberg as Dr. Goodall | Jack Laufer as Frank | Marc Vann as Stan |
Co-Guest Stars: Tim Monsion as Waiter | Jess Allen as Claire's Friend | Hollis Robinson as Miranda
Director: Jason Winer
Writer: Elaine Ko
Songs: Jay-Z -- Big Pimpin, G-stack -- Booty Shakin', St. John -- Let's Ride

65 :03x17 - Leap Day

Cameron's birthday falls on Leap Day, putting the pressure on Mitchell to throw him the perfect celebration. Meanwhile, Jay's masculinity comes into questione, and Phil's plan to spend the holiday with the boys is thwarted by Claire and the girls.
Guest Stars: Kali Rocha as Party Planner | John DiMaggio as Boat Captain |
Co-Guest Stars: Alex Schemmer as Jorgen | Rob Smith (2) as Scarecrow | Frank Maharajh as Micky | Harris Markson as Davy | Rodney J. Hobbs as Trapeze Guy
Director: Gail Mancuso
Writer: Danny Zuker
Songs: Sarah McLachlan -- Angel

66 :03x18 - Send Out the Clowns

The funeral service for his clown mentor reunites Cameron with his estranged ex-partner. Phil faces stiff competition from a notoriously tough rival agent. Manny's new friend creates suspicion in the minds of Jay and Gloria.
Guest Stars: Ellen Barkin as Mitzy Roth | Bobby Cannavale as Lewis | Guilford Adams as Chuckleberry | Chris Dollard as Bubbles | Jonathan Emerson as Stan Larkin | Nancy Linari as Patti Larkin | Dash Dobrofsky as Griffin | Gary Morgan as Pallbearer #1 | Michael Tuba Heatherton as Pallbearer #2
Director: Steven Levitan
Songs: Celtic Woman -- Shenandoah - The Contradiction

67 :03x19 - Election Day

Election day has arrived, and the whole family comes together for some last minute campaigning. Mitch and Cam hit the town in a 'Vote for Claire' van, with the Dunphy house turning into a giant phone bank for soliciting votes. For her part, Claire does some TV and radio interviews, only to fall victim to technical problems.
Guest Stars: Philip Baker Hall as Walt | Stephanie Faracy as Dottie | Melinda Page Hamilton as Sandy | Frank Wood as Reporter | John Vickery as Cecil Van Gundy | Margaret Welsh as Laurie |
Co-Guest Stars: Asif Ali as Technician | Dominic Ledesma as Dimpled Chad
Director: Bryan Cranston
Writer: Ben Karlin

68 :03x20 - The Last Walt

Claire comforts Luke after his friend and neighbor Walt passes away. Phil takes Alex out for some father-daughter time, leaving Haley to throw a house party. Meanwhile, Jay and Gloria have an awkward dinner with Mitch, Cam, and Cam's dad Merle.
Guest Stars: Barry Corbin as Merle Tucker | Stacey Travis as Kim | Malcolm Foster Smith as Delivery Guy |
Co-Guest Stars: Mandy McMillian as Francine | Julian Works as Sam | Chip Sickler as Diner Patron
Director: Michael Spiller

69 :03x21 - Planes, Train and Cars

Phil buys a new car without Claire's approval, landing him in the marital doghouse. Meanwhile, Jay drags Gloria and Manny to his high school reunion, and Lily loses her favorite stuffed animal on the metro train, sending Mitch and Cam into panic mode.
Guest Stars: Kevin Hart (1) as Andre | Eric Edelstein as Mechanic |
Co-Guest Stars: Joe Bonilla as Leon | Joe Rowley as Pilot | Scott Ferrara as Salesman | Matt Lowe as Guy in Car
Director: Michael Spiller

70 :03x22 - Disneyland

The family heads to the happiest place on Earth, Disneyland! A day at the park isn't all it's cracked up to be though, with Phil struggling to keep up with Luke, a surprise appearance from Haley's ex Dylan, Jay and Gloria dealing with the agony of "defeet", and Lily constantly running away from Mitch and Cam.
Guest Stars: Reid Ewing as Dylan | Matt Prokop as Ethan | Sarah Baker as Twins' Mom |
Co-Guest Stars: Frank Romeo as Dapper Dan #1 | Eulis Kay as Dapper Dan #2 | Nathan Shrake as Dapper Dan #3
Director: James Bagdonas

71 :03x23 - Tableau Vivant

It's a day of familial bickering about the Pritchetts and Dunphys. Jay and Gloria completely disagree on a simple lunch order. Phil is tasked with firing Mitchell from his temp job at the real estate agency. Claire and Cam have opposing ideas about how to discipline children. Manny is upset after Luke accepts an award for something he didn't do. Alex is frazzled in general, since she needs them all to work together as part of her art project.
Guest Stars: Beth Grant as Maxine | Matt Roth as Skip Woosnum | John Viener as Matt Keneally |
Co-Guest Stars: Angela Oh as Realtor #1 | Lisa Long as Realtor #2 | Laird MacIntosh as Realtor #3 | Mike Madrigal as Luke's Teacher
Director: Gail Mancuso

72 :03x24 - Baby on Board

Mitch and Cam continue on their quest to adopt another baby, this time needing Gloria to come along and translate to the mother. This leaves Jay and Manny watching Lily, who has a dance recital coming up. Phil and Claire are proud of Alex going to her first prom, then horrified by an announcement from Haley.
Guest Stars: Reid Ewing as Dylan | Terry Hoyos as Abuela |
Co-Guest Stars: Linda Elena Tovar as Juanita | Albert Marrero, Jr. as Ranch Hand | Samantha Ressler as Dance Teacher | Joe Metcalf as Michael | Edward Finlay as Padre | Christina Ochoa Lopez as Nurse (as Christina Ochoa)
Director: Steven Levitan
Songs: Ed Smith -- Funky Celebration
Classification: Scripted
Genre: Comedy
Status: Returning Series
Network: ABC ( USA)
Airs: Wednesdays at 09:00 pm
Runtime: 30 Minutes
Premiere: September 23, 2009
Episode Order: 24
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