The series was originally named "My American Family."

Gloria: Where is the penalty?!
Jay: Gloria, they're zero and six. Let's take it down a notch.

Jay: I'll give you fifty dollars if you don't go through with this.
Manny: I'm eleven. What am I going to do with money?
Jay: What are you going to do with a sixteen year old?

Phil: I'm cool dad, that's my thang. I'm hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL, laugh out loud; OMG, oh my god; WTF, why the face.

Gloria: We're very different. Jay's from the city. He has big business. I come from a small village, very poor but very very beautiful. It's the number one village in all Colombia for all the (to Jay) what's the word?
Jay: Murders.
Gloria: Yes, the murders.

Claire: I was out of control growing up. There. You know, I said it. I just don't want my kids to make the same bad mistakes I made. If ... if Haley never wakes up on a beach in Florida half-naked, I've done my job.
Phil: Our job.
Claire: Right. I've done our job.

Cameron: Yes, I've gained a few extra pounds while we were expecting the baby. Which has been very difficult, but apparently, your body does a nesting, very maternal, primal thing where it retains nutrients. Some sort of molecular physiology thing. But that's science. You can't -- you can't fight it.

Claire: What did I tell you would happen if you got him a gun? Deal with this.
Phil: Buddy, uncool.
Claire: That's it? No. The agreement was that if he shoots someone, you shoot him.
Phil: We were serious about that?
Claire: Yes, we were, and now you have to follow through.
Luke: I'm so sorry!
Claire: Liar. Go.
Phil: He's got a birthday party.
Alex: What's more important here, Dad?
Claire: You can shoot him afterward. He'll be home at 2:00.
Phil: I can't shoot him at 2:00. I'm showing a house at 2:00.
Alex: What about 3:00?
Claire: No, he's got a soccer game at 3:00, and then-- Oh, we got to leave for that dinner thing at 5:00. 4:15. We could shoot him at 4:15.
Phil: Yeah, I guess that works for me. (Luke groans) Sorry, dude. It's on the calendar.

Claire: Kids!
Phil: Kids! Get down here!
Haley: Why are you guys yelling at us? We were way upstairs. Just text me.

Circle of Life

Cameron raising Lily up while "The Circle of Life" plays in the background is a reference to The Lion King, in which a similar scene happens with Rafiki raising Simba into the light.