Schooled - Recap

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The episode begins and everybody is gathered to wish Haley good luck as she heads off to college. Although Claire is none too happy with Mitchell for stealing some thunder and announcing Lily is starting kindergarten the next day, but Mitch can’t see the big deal about it. Gloria and Jay are taking parenting classes on Manny's suggestion, even though Jay has raised two kids. Phil is ready to take Haley to college, complete with three bags of hair and makeup products and a 24-pack of condoms, courtesy of Claire. It's time to hit the road, and Haley and Alex share a hug and a sentimental moment. This still beats Luke, who is wearing a mask so they couldn't see his tears.

Phil gives Haley a book: Phil's-osophy- All of the life lessons he's learned, such as "always look people in the eye, even if they're blind". Mitchell and Cameron drop Lily off at kindergarten, and Cam's already got the waterworks going. He figures it'll be very hard on Lily, who promptly disappears into the playground without taking her bag. But they did find her having her hair pulled by a boy. All’s well and good until Cam grabs the boy and shakes him up. The principal is none too happy about it and demands Cam apologize. The principal calls the parents of the boy in, and Mitch is freaking out. Cam, however, is confident he did nothing wrong. That is until the boy's moms come in.

Even Mitchell knows this would be bad, as he explains with a Venn diagram how gay men and lesbian women have, literally, nothing in common. Mitchell tries to apologize, and that doesn't fly well with one of the moms, whereas the other mom seems far more reasonable. The principal tells them for a punishment the four parents set a playdate with the kids so they can all get along. The two saner parents are on board, Cam and Pam are dragged into it kicking and screaming. At Jay and Gloria's parenting class, their experience pays off as Gloria snags a blanket around their doll way before anybody else. The teacher doesn’t agree with their work.

At the other end of the parenting spectrum, Phil and Claire are doing their job to the letter; embarrassing the hell out of their new college student. Phil even has a "Haley Moving Co." t-shirt with Phil and Claire carrying a young Haley around. And they think they still could. The playdate seems to be going well; Lily is getting along fine with Connor, and both sets of parents think they should be supportive of one another, being the only gay parents at the school. After all, they have so much in common. Connor's birthday party wouldn't feature a clown, for example. That doesn’t go too over well with Cam, who passes a taunting remark. That is enough for Pam, who goes to get Connor, only he is locked in Lily's room and they refuse to open the door.

After one too many interruptions, the teacher calls out Jay and Gloria and asks them to share some of their parenting experience. They decide they had enough. Phil says something racy to a blonde woman who is bent over picking up a box he then grabs her butt, only to discover that it isn't Claire, but Haley's roommate. He backtracks and apologizes quickly, saying it is an innocent mistake. On the other hand just as the parents are in a full-blown panic, Lily and Connor finally speak up, neither of whom wants to leave. “I love him” says Lily. “No, you just love the idea of him” Cam says. With the promise to stay and some hot dogs, Lily and Connor open the door to everyone's relief.

Cameron realizes the one thing all parents have in common: they're a little crazy when it comes to the safety and well-being of their kids. Manny calls Jay and Gloria on ditching the parenting class. Manny isn't mad; just disappointed. Actually, he is scared about raising the baby. “What if this baby doesn't think things through? It's part-Jay” he says. “Hey, when you grew up, you had to be both the man of the house and the kid. I'm here. You just have to be the kid. I'm not going to let anything happen to the baby, just like I'm not going to let anything happen to you” Jay replies.

Haley takes in her first dinner at college and even reads Phil's book. She calls Phil and Claire and thanks them for helping her, and tells them that she loves them and misses them. She's even wearing the "Haley Moving Co." t-shirt. And Phil and Claire can't get off the phone fast enough before they break down crying. The episode ends at this point.