The episode begins and you're supposed to get ice cream when you get a vasectomy is what Phil thinks. Claire thought it was a good idea so there would be no 'surprises' like Jay and Gloria got, and Phil figures "it will allow for a little more freestylin in the boudoir without adding any more critters". It's part of their five-year plan to become more like John and Chrissy Ross, who never had kids, travel all the time, and are so youthful. Later, Claire settles an argument between Alex and Haley, who is already Skyping from college wondering when her clothes will be sent and why Alex now looks like a goth dork instead of just a dork just to impress some kid at school.
But Claire has to take Phil for his “assectomy” according to Luke. Mitchell skates around the issue of Cameron going back to work now that Lily is in kindergarten. Claire can't drive Phil to get his vasectomy. She needs forever to mail Haley's clothes and Luke has forgotten his science project at school, so she arranges for alternative transportation for Phil. Basically Jay will drive him. Claire goes to put the science project in his locker, not knowing Luke has rigged it because someone had been breaking into it. Now she is covered in yogurt right as students let out into the halls. Including Luke, who accuses her of embarrassing him. Mitch and Cam head to Longines' clothing store. He is a little short-staffed.
It is very hard to hire someone who had good taste in shirts and great people skills. With a little a little reverse psychology thrown in from Mitch, Longines has a new employee. Jay and Gloria get a healthy report from the obstetrician about their baby. She asks if they wanted to know the baby's gender. Jay does, Gloria doesn't. Jay doesn’t want any surprises. The other problem is Gloria hasn't yet switched to maternity clothing, even though she is starting to show. Manny doesn’t have the heart to tell Gloria it is time to switch clothes. Finally, he does, and Gloria freaks out. She's mad at him until her clothes start ripping.
But Manny calms her and gets her to a nearby maternity store, promising that she's got two partners to help her instead of none like the last time she had a child. Jay has to track down Phil, who got scared and ran when someone else's vasectomy didn't go so well. Claire catches Alex trying to get a buzz cut from Schuyler, who is very into the goth look. Claire is out of her mind and she grabs the clippers and chases Alex with them. Only she manages to get Schuyler with them and takes out a significant portion of her hair. Cam is freaking out about being set up. Cam thinks his life isn't empty. He even has a master project he's working on: a Lycra mermaid costume for the cat.
Suddenly he realizes how pathetic that sounds. Cam thinks he needs to find something, and Mitchell agrees he's a better person when he's challenged. Mitch promises to help him find something that he wants. It turns out that thing he wants is to teach music again; at Manny's school. Jay finally tracks Phil down and convinces him he won't be less of a man for getting a vasectomy. Actually, Phil is more worried about the pain, but Jay tells him the fear is bigger than the reality. Phil doesn't believe him because he's never seen Jay afraid of anything. But Jay admits he wanted to know the sex of his baby because he was afraid of having a girl.
He had to go through hell with Claire. Even though they are good now, Jay feels he wouldn't be around long enough to make things right if he had the same thing happen with another girl. He admits he is not sensitive enough to take care of a girl. “You’re being sensitive right now. I was hysterical, and you calmed me down. I don't think you're the same guy you used to be” says Phil. “So you're saying if I can calm you down, I can handle any other little girl” says Jay. Claire gets to the hospital before Phil has the procedure to tell him how her day ended. It turns out Claire did Alex a favor; Schulyer was kind of horrible.
Haley had been through this with a James Taylor concert and advises Alex not to let Claire know she helped her or she wouldn't hear the end of it. Claire overheard all of this, as well as received an apology rose from Luke. They decide to wait at least five years before starting the five-year plan. “I've always seen life like a series of doors.
Sometimes you get to choose the door you go through, and sometimes you don't get that choice. Since I don't get to choose the door I'm about to go through, I just pray it's a healthy, happy kid. And a boy” says Jay. The episode ends at this point. Share this article with your friends