The episode begins and Jay loves the fact he has brought home a baby. Gloria's mother, Pilar and sister are in town. It's time for Fulgencio's christening. Fulgencio Umberto Pritchett that’s the name Pilar has chosen for her grandson. Neither Jay nor Gloria wants it, but Gloria sends him in to deal with her mother. Claire is running around trying to help with the christening, the kids are upset she can't solve any of their problems. Apparently, they don't go to Phil to solve their problems, and he takes offense at this.
He figures since he smoothed over a problem with his billboard by saving the owner's son from falling and being injured, he can solve anything. Well, it turns out Phil really isn't good at fixing problems. Luke accidentally calls, one of his teachers mommy and Phil goes to what he think is one of the "cool kids" in school to get them to lay off. He then calls his neighbor to thank her for hiring Haley to take care of her car while she was gone; the car Haley crashed into a tree. Then he finds the girl Alex said was hosting the same kind of party a week ahead of her and compliments her on her teeth.
Basically, none of that works. Cameron and Mitchell are in the meantime having problems with Lily. She's taken to being snarky, such as asking Cam and Mitch if they need a “Whambulance” when they start getting emotional. Thinking it's their fault, they try not to say anything bad about anybody, not even when their friend Crispin wants them to insult his boyfriend's bad perm. They're trying to lead by example, which gets them evicted from his party. While Claire is practically inhaling the new baby because they have that great smell when they're newborns, she figures out that Jay is upset because Pilar hates him no matter how much he tries to do for her. “Doesn't that sound familiar?” Clair asks. “Son of a bitch! I'm Phil” Jay exclaims realizing what Clair is hinting at.
Jay decides that's his best course of action. Since he tolerates Phil more when Phil doesn't go overboard getting Jay to like him, he'll do the same with Pilar. He decides he wants to say a few words before the christening, over the priest's protests. Particularly given Mitchell has some purple underwear hanging out of his pants that Cameron decides he didn't have to tell him about after their fight earlier about who was to blame for Lily's snarkiness. Jay talks about how the birth of his new son is the best thing that's ever happened to him. Jay tells about how he met Gloria in a diner while getting his car washed and waxed. He sent over a piece of pie, and Gloria came over to talk to him a few minutes later.
But it turns out he originally sent the pie to her friend, who was in the bathroom and missed it. Basically, Jay originally gave that slice of pie to Sonia. Phil thinks this simple twist of fate is funny but Gloria and Sonia, not so much. Sonia attacks Gloria. They get out of the line of fire, and Sonia demands to get out of Colombia. They just had a flood and lost a boat and Sonia says she would be there should "anything" happen to Gloria. Gloria says Pilar can come live with them, which Jay nixes immediately because Pilar hates him and is armed. The fight continues between Phil and the kids, but Claire tells them to stop being so dramatic before she calls a “Whambulance”. Turns out, that’s where Lily got that as Claire's been driving her to dance class all week.
Jay gets everyone to be quiet. He tells Pilar off about her martyr act, given how she's been keeping Sonia under her thumb. He also points out that Pilar's afraid to get on with her life and should go find happiness. “I don't think I knew what happiness was until I turned 60” he comments. Jay says Pilar can visit any time she wants and Jay would help Sonia get her own place. He even offers to send Manny to visit Pilar. Now it is time for the christening. Phil and Claire are the godparents. It is agreed that the baby would be called Fulgencio Joseph Pritchett. “Thank you, Jay” Gloria whispers. “We are never going to call him that” Jay tells her.
Claire is happy, although a bit suspicious, that all of the kids' problems are solved without her help. “Don’t ever ask me about my business, Claire” Phil says referring to the all the issues of the kids getting solved. The episode ends at this point.