The episode begins and it's Valentine's Day and love is in the air. For Phil and Claire that can only means one thing: time for Clive and Juliana. Actually, they're celebrating a day early so they can babysit Joe for Jay and Gloria so they can get back to doing what couples do six weeks after having a baby. Phil even ties a cherry stem with his tongue. They're ready for a big night. So big in fact, Juliana starts spinning and faints and is not answering Clive. It turns out; Claire has an issue with her heart. Phil blames himself for being too sexy, but the doctor is certain that wasn't it.
She has Wolf-Parkinson-White Syndrome, a heart arrhythmia that is hereditary. The doctor suggests rest for a few days. Phil suggests cancelling the babysitting, but Claire doesn’t want Jay and Gloria to make a big deal of it. In fact, she dresses up in a skimpy ice-skating outfit because Phil promises her a few laps on the ice. Phil thinks the doctor said she should take it easy, but Claire thinks that is something doctors always say. Phil suggests in-home couple’s massage, since stress from sex might not set her off, but the kids coming home with a bunch of their friends because they assumed Phil and Claire are out might do it. The kids suspect something and demand answers, and Phil's policy of honesty makes them panic.
Phil assures them everything is normal. Claire in the meantime is not ready to give up on having sex and convinces Phil to get into bed. They get interrupted by the kids, who are worried sick. Claire is livid for the kids knowing. Phil is mad as hell for not only Claire being nonchalant about it, but the fact that she knew she had this condition inherited from her mother and she never told him in twenty years. Phil wants to be able to take care of her for once. Gloria in the meantime decides she wants a little early action with Jay, despite Jay having an early meeting. He promises to be back in two hours to continue their 'conversation', only he gets a ticket for running a red light. Also, Lily is over because Cam and Mitchell are having a party. A guy has come over to baby proof Jay’s house.
Jay decides to help and tows in a huge box to get foam bumpers and cabinet locks in place, wondering why he needs all of this stuff when he used to let Mitch and Claire ride on the hood of his car to the supermarket. Manny comes home to get dressed for a Valentine's party a secret admirer invited him to. Jay wants him to keep his clothes-changing under a half-hour. Jay becomes suspicious when he hears the 'secret admirer' wants Manny to wear a fedora and bring poetry to recite. Jay suspects Manny will be humiliated at a party the popular kids are throwing. Gloria's very revealing outfit entices him upstairs, but Jay’s feeling guilty about letting Manny go to the party without warning him. Gloria is equally concerned because Manny told her the same things, but they can’t protect him from everything, she feels.
Gloria offers to get some champagne. Which she uses as an excuse to check on Manny, while Jay uses that as an excuse to check on Claire and offers to take her to the doctor. The good news is, best Valentine's Day ever for Manny, but Jay wants to get to his bedroom first so Manny can tell both of them at the same time. Mitchell and Cam on the other hand are throwing a Lonely Hearts party for their single friends as a goodwill gesture because Cam feels they are always waving their love in their friends' faces. The party gets going when Mitch decides to hit the booze to prove to Cam he could be "party fun" as much as "stay at home fun". To his credit, he helps take Bert and Dottie Winchell's Christmas decorations down and puts them in their house. Pepper and Longinus are as hammered.
Cam is upset, but Mitchell insists he didn't do anything that couldn't be undone, except for letting Dylan move in with them. They don't want him to stay, but Dylan's mother kicked him out of the house for her new boyfriend on the same day he lost his limo driver job and Haley has gone to a party without him. But, Dylan has cleaned the house to within an inch of its life. This is actually enough to convince Cam to let him stay for a while.
That and Dylan breaking his arm falling off the roof when he put the reindeer up there by mistake. But Mitchell is drunk when he invited him and Cam is sober, so now he has to fix it, or just wait for Lily to do it for them. Mitchell is still upset that Cam doesn’t think he is fun, and Cam apologizes. They need to shoot for a happy medium. Mitchell has an idea about that, he has heard from somewhere an idea, which involves a bar and a guy named Clive. In other words, Mitch would be Juliana. The episode ends at this point.