Adrian: Please! I'm saying please.
Natalie: I'm sorry, Mr. Monk, I'm not moving.
Adrian: It's humiliating. Look at me, I'm last in line.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, there are two of us, and you're second.
Adrian: Out of two. Second out of two. We call that last.
Adrian: No matter how bad things got, I knew if I could just make it to Tuesday night--8:00, Tuesday night--everything would be okay. It would all make sense, at least for half an hour. They were like my other family. who am I kidding? My real family was my other family.
Kim Kelly: She needs a bodyguard.
Adrian: Bodyguard, right.
Kim Kelly: Someone we can trust. I know you're busy...
Adrian: Oh, I'll do it.
Kim Kelly: Okay. A thousand dollars a week, is that fair?
Adrian: Ummm. Okay, it's a deal. I can't pay it all at once.
Kim Kelly: No, we would pay you.
Adrian: Oh, even better.
Adrian: A mirror? Oh, very good. Excellent precaution. I see, so that if you're lying in bed and someone breaks in through that door... you have the... triangul...or... I don't get it.
Christine Rapp: It's more of a personal thing. You know, you should really read my book.
Christine Rapp: Shy, huh? I like that in a man.
Kim Kelly: She likes anything in a man.
Stottlemeyer: "Her former costar, Steven Dorn, declared 'Christine Rapp is dead to me.''"
Steven Dorn: That is a figure of speech.
Stottlemeyer: "She's a loudmouth, a liar, and a tramp. Next time I run into her, I hope I'm driving a truck."
Adrian: Did you say that? Why would you say that?
Steven Dorn: Because she's a loudmouth, a liar, and a tramp.
Adrian: Oh my god. My god. Oh... my... god.
Natalie: You okay?
Adrian: This is horrible. It's horrible. What are you drinking?
Adrian: Is it hot?
Adrian: Good. Pour it into my eyes.
Natalie: Mr. Monk...
Adrian: Do it. Blind me!
Natalie: Don't be mad. I know how you hate surprises. So I'm just going to warn you, I'm going to be surprising you.
Adrian: Wait, when?
Natalie: In about 10 seconds. This is sort of a heads up, a sort of alert.
Adrian: Wait! You can't just burst in here and say "Surprise alert." You have to give me a little warning.
Natalie: Oh, okay, sorry. This is the surprise alert warning. "This is a surprise alert!" Now... surprise!
Natalie: Forget about Christine Rapp and her stupid, stupid book. Everybody in Hollywood's crazy, and if we think about that stuff, nobody would go to the movies.
Adrian: I don't go to the movies.
Natalie: Or watch TV.
Adrian: I don't watch TV.
Natalie: You get my point.
Natalie: Hello! Hello, Mr. Timlinson! (knocks) I don't think he's home.
Adrian: Probably not. He's single and he's dead.
Natalie: Oh, yeah.
Natalie: Are you going in?
Adrian: It'd be a crime not to.
Natalie: It'd be a crime if we did.
Adrian: So it doesn't matter either way.
Adrian: They were the only family I have. Now I got nothing.
Natalie: That's not true, Mr. Monk. You got me. And you have Julie, and you have Randy and the captain. We're your family.
Adrian: Ehh, it's not the same.
Natalie: Sure it is.
Adrian: You don't say funny things.
Natalie: Sure we do.
Adrian: Say something funny.
Natalie: Well, I can't just say funny off the top of my head.
Adrian: Cathy Cooper could.
Natalie: Well, she had writers. Okay, wait wait. I got one. "Knock knock."
Adrian: That's not funny.