Natalie: What?
Adrian: Do you smell that? Is that you?
Natalie: Is what me?
Adrian: Are you cooking bacon?
Natalie: Does it look like I'm cooking bacon?

Adrian: I knew it. It's a hippie. It's incense. He's burning incense down there By the way, that's a perfect name for that stuff because that's how people react to it. They get incensed. Get it? Incense, incensed. You add the "D." Forget it.

Natalie: Are you trying to impress that girl?
Disher: What girl?
Natalie: The CSI tech. You think that's a quality she's looking for in a man? Do you think she's saying, "Why can't I meet an attractive 30-something nonsmoker who's oblivious to the stench of rotting flesh?"

Adrian: Oh, for the love of crackers.

Adrian: Do you mind? It's 7:45. People are trying to sleep.
Samuel Waingaya: They are?
Adrian: Yes, they are.

Samuel Waingaya: I don’t know your name
Adrian: Monk. Adrian.
Samuel Waingaya: Adrian. What does it mean?
Adrian: It means nobody picks you for their softball team in seventh grade.

Natalie: Do you drink coffee?
Samuel Waingaya: I love coffee.
Natalie: Ah, then you're gonna hate this. (Samuel laughs) What?
Samuel Waingaya: What you said about the coffee. It was very funny.
Natalie: Am I that funny?
Adrian: No.

Adrian: Okay, this is how we do our laundry in America. There are your whites.
Samuel Waingaya: My whites, excellent.
Adrian: Your off-whites. Your off-off-whites. There are the primary colors, red, yellow, green, blue, and that’s indigo. Left socks, right socks. I’ve labeled them for you.
Samuel Waingaya: But in Nigeria, we just wash all of our socks together.
Adrian: Well, I don’t like to judge people, but that’s wrong.
Samuel Waingaya: So you mean you separate everything? But how much is that going to cost?
Adrian: $200.

Laundromat Woman: Excuse me, are you using all the machines?
Samuel Waingaya: That's right.
Laundromat Woman: But they're empty.
Samuel Waingaya: That is the pre-wash cleansing cycle.
Laundromat Woman: The pre-wash what?
Samuel Waingaya: The cleansing cycle. If you are going to live here, you should learn some of the customs. Did you see that, with the finger? What does that mean.
Adrian: That means "We're number one" and we should hurry.

French Chef: What about the potatoes?
Adrian: Oh, yeah.
French Chef: What did you do? You were just supposed to peel them. They look like dice.
Adrian: (whispering) American style.
Samuel Waingaya: American style.

(in a van filled with fish)
Adrian: The smell! I can't breathe! I can't get a brake. First the incense, then the dead housekeeper, and now this. Oh, god it stinks! Oh! It's like chemical warfare.
Samuel Waingaya: Adrian Monk, will you please stop talking about the smell. Sometimes you are like a big crying infant. We have other problems, Adrian Monk. That's better.
Adrian: Can I say something?
Samuel Waingaya: Is it about the stink?
Adrian: No. Yes! I can't breathe.

Samuel Waingaya: Well, I am not going to give up and neither are you.
Adrian: Samuel, this is your final lesson. This is how we do things in America. We cry a lot. We confuse our dead wife with other people's dead wives. And then we give up.

Samuel Waingaya: I have an idea. I have an idea. Can you reach into my pants?
(very long pause)
Adrian: Yes...

Adrian: What's that smell?
Samuel Waingaya: My flesh. It's burning.
Adrian: It stinks.
Samuel Waingaya: Sorry.

Adrian: What's it like?
Samuel Waingaya: What is what like?
Adrian: Knowing.
Samuel Waingaya: Knowing is everything. But your turn will come, Adrian Monk. You are next. Do not give up.
Adrian: Never.