Stottlemeyer: (to Monk) You know what I'm going to do? First thing tomorrow morning, I'm going to call the Vatican and nominate your late wife for sainthood!
Randy: Somebody is killing world record holders, one at a time.
Stottlemeyer: You think we ought to warn the fat twins on the motorcycles? Maybe we should put a twenty-four-hour guard on the man with the beard of bees?
Randy: I can never tell when you're being sarcastic, sir.
Stottlemeyer: I'm being sarcastic, Randy!
Stottlemeyer: (to Monk) You know what you are? Do you know what you are? You're the world's best marriage counselor! You could save every marriage in California! All people have to do is live with you for two days...two days! And they'll never complain about their spouse again!