Monk: I can't sleep with a crooked shelf in the room.
Sharona: Well, when you turn the light off you won't see it.
Monk: I wish you could hear yourself sometimes. You live in a dream world.
Dr. Waterford: (to Monk) Your first wife is in a place of honor on the mantel, while your current wife is sleeping on the floor.
Dr. Julie Waterford: I believe in Adrian and Sharona.
Sharona: Thanks a lot. Uh, but you should know. We're not really married.
Dr. Julie Waterford: : Oh, thank God! Good! Keep it that way.
Monk: Okay, we will. No problem there
Sharona: Here, sit down.
Monk: No way.
Sharona: It's a bench. I mean, I can understand you not wanting to sit down on the ground, but I've seen you sit on a bench before.
Monk: No, no, no, not this one. Yesterday, when we arrived, there was a bird on it.
(about sitting on the ground)
Sharona: Sit down.
Monk: You stand up.
Sharona: You sit down!
Monk: You stand up!
Sharona: Adrian, sit down!
Monk: All right, all right, how about this? How about we both just squat?
Sharona: Why don't we just tell Maria what we know?
Monk: She won't believe us. Not without proof. Why would she? I'm a--I'm a cowardly mop salesman and you're my crazy alcoholic wife who attacked her husband for no reason.
Sharona: We're never going to get away with this! They're never going to believe we're really married.
Monk: We have nothing in common. I annoy you all the time. Why wouldn't they believe it?
Sharona: Oh my God, you're in a cave! I'm so proud of you.
Monk: Thank you. Let's get out of here.
Sharona: You have to sit. This is a picnic.
Monk: I don't sit on the ground. Animals do things on the ground. Terrible, terrible things.
Sharona: (to the doctor) We don't kiss. It's not our style.
Sharona: Have you been drinking?
Randy: Yes, I have. I couldn't think of any other way to get all this Scotch into my body.