Monk’s adoring and obsessive ultimate fan, Marci Maven, is busy updating her Monk website and inserting herself into photos of Monk. Next door, John Ringel arrives home and finds his wife dead, viciously mauled. The police go over to arrest Marci’s dog Otto, but she reveals that he’s been dead for three days and is buried in her back yard.
Monk is busy trimming lettuce leaves as Natalie tries to convince him to participate in a Police Bachelor Auction. Monk reluctantly agrees after giving Natalie some money to bid on him and make sure no one else wins. They’re interrupted when Marci arrives and tries to ask him for help. However, given her previous activities (and the restraining order), Monk refuses to even see her.
At the auction, Stottlemeyer and Disher are bid on and won: Stottlemeyer by his current girlfriend Linda and Disher by a woman who wants him to show her son how to be a policeman. Nobody bids on Monk… until Marci starts bidding and Natalie can’t keep up. Marci ends up “buying” Monk and taking him and Natalie to her home, which is a creepy shrine to the detective. She has pictures, songs, and dioramas of his cases, complete with titles that she’s given them. However, she eventually reveals that Otto died three days ago but the police have matched the bite marks on the victim to those of her dog. Monk calls Stottlemeyer, who confirms the report and believes Marci killed the dog after he killed the wife to cover up her negligence.
Marci still protests her innocence and asks Monk to go over to John Ringel’s house to investigate. There he finds that the tools were never touched (they would have been if the wife had tried to use them to fight back) and a tulip petal from Marci’s yard. Ringel arrives and tells them to leave, but as they go Monk sees the hole Otto supposedly dug to get into the Ringels’ yard. The dirt is on the wrong side and there are tulip leaves. Monk believes Otto is innocent.
He asks Marci more questions and determines that a couple of weeks ago, Otto disappeared for a day then turned up and had wood chips on him. They check the brush and determine that there are all kinds of different types of wood: Otto was at a lumberyard during his missing period. They start checking lumber yards and Marci quickly shows that she’s better at anticipating Monk’s needs and obsessions then Natalie is. Best of all, she offers to work for Monk for free. Disgusted with the whole thing, Natalie leaves and lets Marci be Monk’s assistant.
Meanwhile, Stottlemeyer is out to dinner with Linda, who “bought” him just so she could get a little privacy. And Disher has found out that Sam doesn’t want to be a policeman, but the kid gets him hooked on Tenga, the game where you push out pieces of wood.
They eventually end up at a lumber yard that belongs to John Ringel: Marci forgot to tell Monk about that. They accuse Ringel of murdering his wife and he goes off to call his lawyer. Monk spots a chewed-up wooden chair and some Plaster of Paris, and figures out that Ringel stole Otto for a day, then had him bit a chair and Ringel took a Plaster of Paris mold from it. Then he made a metal blade with the tooth marks on it and used it to kill his wife. However, Marci hadn’t mentioned her dog died so Ringel killed his wife after Otto had died.
Ringel has overheard the whole thing and comes back to kill them. Fortunately, Stottlemeyer has figured out during his dinner that the teeth marks are upside down and indicate Ringel faked the whole thing. He gets Disher and Natalie together and goes to the lumber yard. Monk and Marci have managed to get away from Ringel, but Marci goes back because she’s bored with the whole thing and doesn’t want to do it any more. Ringel takes Marci hostage to force Monk to come out. While Monk tries to negotiate over getting the front seat, the others arrive and Natalie gets Monk and Marci to safety. Stottlemeyer pins Ringel down behind some lumber and Disher uses his recently-acquired wood-pushing skills to shove a plank into Ringel, knocking him out.
Ringel is in jail for murder, and it turns out Marci has a new obsession: F. Murray Abraham. She’s sent all of her stuff to Monk, who discovers her bobble-head collection, and Natalie starts playing with them and making up some scenes of her own between Monk and Marci.
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