Julie Teeger: Is that your tree?
Julie Teeger: It's cardboard.
Adrian: Right. No muss, no fuss. A lot of people are doing it.
Julie Teeger: Who?
Adrian: People... you know, who are me.
Adrian: What do you think?
Julie Teeger: I think it's sad.
Adrian: I know it's sad. I mean, is it straight?
Julie Teeger: Christmas doesn't mean anything to you?
Adrian: Not anymore.
Julie Teeger: Why don't you believe in anything, Mr. Monk? What are you so afraid of?
Natalie: I'll tell you what I think. I think Mr. Monk has been afraid of so many things, for so many years, he's afraid of not being afraid.
Adrian: What does that mean?
Natalie: Think about it.
Adrian: I'm afraid to.
Natalie: So would you guys like to have a seat?
Adrian: No, no no!. No, that couch doesn't work. None of these chairs do. Hey, I have an idea. Uh, why don't we all stand on some newspaper? Julie, go get some newspaper. Everybody hold it in until we get some newspaper, okay?
Ike: Hold what in? What do you think we're gonna do?
Adrian: I don't know, I don't know. Just hold it in. Hold it.
Adrian: The bums ripped me off. Canadian bottles.
Natalie: Aw, why don't you fly up to Vancouver, you can redeem them there.
Adrian: Fly up to Vancouver? You know how much that would cost? I mean, the taxi ride to the airport alone... I get it. You're joking.
Natalie: Didn't I mention? I invented a few friends to your place for Christmas dinner.
Adrian: I don't have any friends.
Adrian: You wasted a trip. They make their own gravy.
Natalie: Who makes their own gravy?
Natalie: Bums make their own gravy. What does that even mean?
Adrian: You don't wanna know.
Ike: I love this gravy. Usually we make our own but...
Adrian: Excuse me, could you repeat that about the gravy?
Ike: Mm. Usually we make our own.
Adrian: Huh, isn't that interesting. Natalie, did you hear that?
Natalie: Yes, yes I did.
Adrian: Good. Interesting.
Julie Teeger: So why do they call you The Professor?
Natalie: Julie, it's probably because he loves to read and probably because he's curious about the world and other cultures...
The Professor: I eat books.
Natalie: What is that?
Natalie: On your face. On your lip.
Adrian: It looks a little bit about a mustache.
Disher: Well, I'm in charge. It comes with the job. (everyone stares) Okay, you're making me a little uncomfortable.
Natalie: You're making me a little uncomfortable.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, look at all these people. They really believe in it.
Adrian: Well, they're people. They'll believe anything.
Natalie: You know, I mean anything's possible.
Adrian: That's not exactly true. A lot of things are what we call "impossible." It's the opposite of possible.
Natalie: I get it.
Adrian: I'll give you an example. This.
Natalie: Hi, I'm Natalie Teeger, and this is Adrian Monk. Mr. Monk and the monk. Sorry. Are you allowed to laugh?
Brother Andrew: We've been known to chuckle.
Adrian: Two years? That's almost three years!
Natalie: Maybe we should be happy for him.
Adrian: Yeah. Okay. (laughs) Okay, let me try. (chuckles) No, that's not gonna happen..
Natalie: Oh, god, Mr. Monk, come on, you have to believe in something. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't think I'd see Mitch again.
Adrian: You mean in Heaven?
Natalie: Of course in Heaven. Where'd you think I was going?
Adrian: Well, you know, the drinking, and you kissed a leper.
Natalie: You think I'm going to Hell?
Adrian: She kissed a leper.
Ike: We, uh, we wanted to give you something. We made it ourselves. It's gravy.
Adrian: I can't take that.
The Professor: No, we insist. After all you've done for us.
Natalie: No, no, no, he means he literally can't take it.