Natalie: Mr. Monk, you should take the captain. He really wants to go. It'll be fun. You and Leland at the big game. Hanging out. A couple of guys, you'll have some male bonding time.
Adrian: I think I'd be more comfortable having male bonding time with you.

Adrian: Who are all these people, and where are their parents?
Stottlemeyer: It's a tailgate party, Monk. People get here early, and they start to party and they get all pumped up for the game.
Adrian: But they're... they're not actually playing in the game.
Stottlemeyer: Well, it doesn't make any sense if you think about it. The trick is not to think about it. You just got to turn your mind off. You do have an off-switch, right?
Adrian: I don't think so.
Stottlemeyer: Well, here, you can borrow mine. Beer: Nature's off switch.

(seeing tailgaters)
Adrian: Did you enjoy civilization, Leland? I sure did. It was a hell of a run. Eight thousand years.

Stottlemeyer: Championship game. Great seats. Perfect weather. It doesn't get any better than this.
Fan: You said it.
Stottlemeyer: This is better than sex.
Adrian: Well, what isn't?

Stottlemeyer: We're Wildcat fans, Monk. It's a big rivalry.
1st Rowdy Fan: Two years ago they put a bag of bees in my car.
Chet Walsh: Yeah, then his mom spat on my mom, then we flipped his RV. God, I love football!

Adrian: Uh, you have a.. you have a smudge there. What happened there?
Shawn Metzger: What happened? I don't know. Do you remember every little smudge you ever got on your clothing?
Adrian: Yes, yes, I do.

Disher: Oh, hey, tell Bob Costas Randy Disher says hi.
Stottlemeyer: Does he know you?
Disher: No.
Stottlemeyer: Well, then, wouldn't that just confuse him?
Disher: Only one way to find out.

Stottlemeyer: You used to be a fun guy.
Adrian: I don't think so.
Stottlemeyer: Yeah. No, I remember. I remember the time when you graduated, right? We stole that rowboat, you, me, and Trudy. And the Lake Patrol stopped us and you started speaking Spanish. Now, that was funny! That was funny! Where's that guy?
Adrian: Trudy died.
Stottlemeyer: Yes, Trudy died. But you didn't die. You're alive.
Adrian: "Alive" is a funny word.

(Adrian opens a stadium door with his all-access pass)
Chet: Dude, you're like my best friend.
Adrian: You wanna to hear something sad? You're my best friend, too.

Stottlemeyer: But my best friend, great guy, an amazing guy, I left him downstairs alone, and he deserves better.
Bob Costas: Sure, I... I understand. Is he with Monk?