00:05:35
(shot of Mount Trollenberg, a large pointed mountain)
Tom: This must be a Paramount picture.
|
00:05:48
(on screen: two guys are perched on a small cliff with a rope dangling from above)
First student climber: (yelling) Hey, Jim!
Joel: Quit shouting.
|
00:05:55
Jim: (from above) I tell you it’s foggy and cold or something.
Joel: It’s a mountain. It’s supposed to be cold!
|
o0:05:57
Jim: (from above) Hey, wait a minute. There’s someone coming.
Tom: (describing student climber) I think that’s Cary Grant there, isn’t it?
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00:06:05
Second student climber: (echo) Who is it, Jim, the Abominable Snowman?
Joel: Funny!
Tom: Very good one.
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00:06:12
Jim: (from above) No, no! Arrrgh!
(He falls over the ledge from above)
Joel: Going down!
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00:06:19
(The two student climbers on the cliff try desperately to pull rope back up)
Joel: (reaching into the shot) Let me help you, there.
Crow: Mountain flossing really repels me.
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00:06:34
(Second student climber has on a knit stocking cap)
Joel: Uh, he got that hat from Mike Nesmith!
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00:06:53
First student climber: (angry) You idiot, we nearly had him! Why did you let him go?
Second student climber: (upset) Didn’t you see?
First student climber: What are you talking about?
Second student climber: His head… it was torn off!
Joel: You say that like it was a bad thing.
|
00:07:00
(Abrupt cut to a train racing into a dark tunnel. In the darkness, the title “The Crawling Eye” appears as the music flourishes)
Joel: (dramatically) The Crawling Eye, starring…
Crow: It should be The Crawling Me.
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00:07:16
(The credits include “special effects” arrows pointing to the names)
Crow: Hey Joel, how are you supposed to read these titles?
Joel: Uh, well, uh Crow, it’s simple. You see the, uh line up there?
Crow: Uh huh.
Joel: See there’s one there. (he points on the screen)
Crow: Oh!
Joel: Follow the line and it shows right what to look at.
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00:07:28
(Credit arrow points to a small box in the middle of the screen)
Crow: We are here.
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00:07:35
Joel: (referring to the arrows in the credits)They quit doing it because people started figuring it out.
Crow: Kind of like titles with idiot clips.
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00:07:55
(Credit: Duncan Sutherland)
Tom: Duncan Sutherland. Duncan, what a yo-yo!
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00:08:06
(Credit: Produced by Robert S. Baker & Monty Berman)
Joel: There were the men responsible!
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00:08:12
(Credit arrow points straight down at Joel and the ‘bots)
Joel, Tom and Crow: Directed by us!
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00:08:22
(The lighted tunnel mouth appears on screen)
Tom: The light at the end of the credits.
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00:08:33
(In the interior of the train, Alan Brooks is reading the newspaper)
Tom: (as Alan) Let’s see, Gemini… Gemini. “You’ll be attracted to a crawling eye. Leos figure prominently.”
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00:08:46
Sarah: You were talking in your sleep.
Anne: Did I give away any secrets?
Crow: Just that you’re a man.
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00:09:04
Tom: (describing Sarah) What a babe!
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00:09:08
Anne: I wish everyone would stop treating me like an invalid.
Joel: (as Sarah) How about a wheelchair?
|
00:09:20
(Anne looks out the window at Mount Trollenberg)
Joel: (as the mountain) I am Mount Svengali.
(Anne begins to become dizzy, as if in a trance)
Joel: (as the mountain) You will do as I say.
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00:09:32
(Anne collapses across Alan’s lap)
Tom: (as Alan) Hey, my paper! What the…
Crow: (as Alan) Hey dibs, dibs! Everything on my lap I get!
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00:09:45
(Anne looks up curiously at Alan)
Joel: (as Anne) You’re Sgt. O’Rourke from F Troop!
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00:10:14
Alan: (handing Anne a flask) Here you are, that’ll bring your color back.
Tom: (as Alan) It’s, uh Red Night Number Seven.
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00:10:26
Alan: Do you have far to go?
Sarah: Geneva.
Joel: (as Alan) Ah, that’s a big convention town, isn’t it?
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00:10:59
Anne: We’re getting off the train at Trollenberg. Please, Sarah!
Tom: (as Anne) Don’t argue with me!
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00:11:08
(Outside shot of the train pulling into Trollenberg)
Tom: (calling out as a conductor) Trollenberg: home of the crawling eye. All stops lead to a bloody death.
|
00:11:19
Joel: (describing Mayor Klein) It’s Mr. Haney!
|
00:11:26
Alan: Oh, I’d like for you to meet Miss Anne and Sarah Pilgrim.
Crow: They’ll drink anything.
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00:11:54
Anne: I thought now would have been about your busiest time.
Klein: Normally yes, but, but uh…
Tom: (as Klein) We’ve been having trouble with the crawling eye.
|
00:12:07
(The background visible out the back window of the car is obviously a film)
Joel: Hey, look you guys. They’re being followed by a movie!
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00:12:48
Klein: All these stories are nonsense!
Sarah: What stories?
Joel: Nonsense stories.
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00:12:53
Anne: Hikers disappearing into the mist to be never seen again.
Joel: She is informed!
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00:13:00
(Outside shot of the Hotel Europa while a fanciful score plays)
Tom: (as an announcer) When in Switzerland, visit Trollenberg.
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00:13:20
(Anne looks at the view. Shot of Mount Trollenberg again)
Joel: (as Anne) What a lovely matte painting.
|
00:13:27
(Inside the hotel, Herr Klein gives orders to Hans in German)
Crow: (repeating the order) “Unst giveck und alst giveck”... what’s that supposed to mean?
Tom: It means, “The babes are coming!”
Crow: Oh!
(Anne and Sarah walk in)
Tom: There they are.
|
00:13:47
Philip: Klein, you didn’t tell us we were expecting other guests.
Alan: Oh, this is Miss Sarah Pilgrim and Miss Anne Pilgrim.
Philip: How do you do.
Crow: (as Alan) They’ll drink anything!
|
00:14:06
(Sarah is looking through her suitcase
Joel: (as Sarah) These aren’t my clothes… I don’t look good in stripes at all!
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00:14:15
Crow: (describing Anne) She could eat corn on the cob through a picket fence.
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00:15:01
Anne: Yes, you’re right. I probably read about it.
Tom: …in the script!
|
00:15:40
(Alan is unpacking and we see that he has a revolver in with his clothes)
Tom: Must be his overnight gun.
|
00:15:55
(Philip glances questioningly towards the revolver without speaking. Alan notices and picks it up to put it away)
Crow: (as Alan) Oh, this old thing? Saved my life once.
|
00:16:13
Alan: (to Philip, about the women) Well, perhaps they, uh wanted some privacy)
Joel: (as Alan) Just like me!
(Philip starts leaving the room somewhat abruptly)
Philip: I’ll buy you a drink later.
Alan: Alright.
Philip: Good.
Tom: (as Alan) He knows how to take a hint.
Joel: (as Philip, outside Alan's room) He’s kind of testy!
|
00:16:33
(Philip picks up the phone and asks for the operator to connect him to a number)
Joel: (as female operator, muffled) Alright.
Philip: (on the phone) Yes, I want to check on someone for me.
Joel: (as woman on phone, muffled) Give me a minute.
Philip: His name is Alan Brooks.
Joel: (as woman on phone, muffled) Alan Brooks, okay.
Philip: That’s right.
Joel: (as woman on phone, muffled) Okay. I’m checking it out.
Philip: He’s American. He’s about forty, I should think.
Joel: (as woman on phone, muffled) Was he on F Troop?
Philip: Well, I should try New York first, then Los Angeles and then Washington.
Joel: (as woman on phone, muffled) Alright.
Philip: Okay.
Joel: (as woman on phone, muffled) Gotta go now.
Philip: Right. (he hangs up)
|
00:17:10
Dewhurst: (to Alan) Hello there, you’ll be Brooks.
Joel: (as Alan) If you want me to.
Dewhurst: I’m Dewhurst and that’s Brett.
Crow: (as Dewhurst) We’re the hat brothers.
|
00:17:30
Dewhurst: (ordering from the bar before they go up the mountain) Scotch and two Brandies.
Crow: (as Dewhurst) Nothing like a little drinking and climbing.
|
00:17:37
Dewhurst: We’ll sleep there tonight and attack the mountain proper tomorrow.
Crow: (as Dewhurst) Unless it attacks us first.
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00:17:42
Dewhurst: (to Philip) Hello, Truscott.
Tom: (as Dewhurst, about Sarah) Who’s the tomato?
|
00:18:11
Dewhurst: It’s my third climb up a mountain.
Crow: Aren’t you kind of fat to be climbing a mountain?
|
00:18:34
Philip: (to Brett) Keep an eye on your rope, English.
Tom: (as Brett, who looks puzzled) Huh?
Brett: Why roping particularly?
Joel: (as Philip) I don’t know.
Philip: There was some nasty business last week.
Tom: (as Dewhurst) Chill out!
Dewhurst: That’s right, nasty business. Very nasty.
Joel: Nasty, nasty!
|
00:18:51
Brett: They shouldn’t have been climbing without a guide.
Joel: Or shoes.
|
00:18:57
Alan: Strangle him?
Philip: Worse than that.
Crow: (as Philip) Killed him.
Philip: Tore his head off.
Joel: (as Philip) Then it strangled him.
Alan: That’s worse!
Philip: You don’t know the half of it.
Crow: (as Philip) It was the fall that killed him.
|
00:19:06
Philip: What do the villagers say, Hans?
Hans: It’s not for me to…
Alan: What do they say?
Joel: (as Hans) That’s what they say, “It’s not for me”.
|
00:19:25
Alan: But, how could it have, uh? (he gestures around his neck)
Philip: The villagers have something to say about that too… Haven’t they, Hans?
Joel: (as Hans) It was a trick knot.
|
00:19:45
Alan: (to Philip) What do the villagers say, Truscott?
Joel: (as Philip) They say, “It’s not for me”.
Philip: They say it’s happened before.
Tom: They all say that.
|
00:19:59
Brett: We’d ought to be moving. We want to make the house before nightfall.
Tom: (as Brett) We’ve got a death scene to make.
|
00:20:30
Brett: The mountain’s the mountain. Some people can climb it and some people can’t.
Joel: Some people can speak dialogue; some can’t.
|
00:20:40
Alan: How long do you think it will take you to reach the house from the observatory?
Brett: Oh, about three and a half hours. It’s an easy climb.
Tom: (as Alan) That’s good. I’m wearing a sport coat.
|
00:20:55
(Abrupt switch to scene inside the observatory)
Tom: Meanwhile at the observatory...
|
00:21:10
Wilde: He says his name is Brooks.
Professor: Tell him to…
Tom: (as Professor) Huh?
Professor: Alan Brooks?
Wilde: Yes sir.
Professor: (excitedly) Well, bring him in! Bring him in!
(Wilde turns to go get Alan)
Professor: No, wait, wait! I’ll bring him in myself.
Crow: Nope, wait, wait. You get him… No, I’ll get him… Uh. Yeah, I’ll get him. I have to do everything around here.
|
00:21:51
(After Alan bows to the Professor and he bows in return)
Tom: (as professor) What a goof!
|
00:21:52
Professor: Well Alan, what do you think of our little observatory?
Joel: (as Alan) Groovy pad!
Professor: You know, the government gives me as much money as I want.
Joel: (as Alan) Very retro! Needs more color, though.
|
00:22:10
Professor: Now look. (he turns on one of the observation television screens)
Tom: Look, the all weather channel. These are mountains you won’t see on any other station.
|
00:22:33
Professor: The government, they say to me, “Do you have to have such expensive things? Windows are much cheaper.” Ha, ha, and I say, “I have to have”, and I have! Ha, ha, ha!
Joel: You think that’s funny?!
Crow: (sarcastically) Science humor.
|
00:22:45
Professor: That over there. That is the only window, and even for that, we have protection. Look. (he flips a switch down and a protective shade starts lowering outside the window)
Crow: (as Professor) Now the windows are even smaller… (the Professor flips the switch back up and the shade rises again) but I can make them big again!
Joel: You could just get roller blinds.
|
00:23:02
Professor: (chuckling) That too was very expensive.
Joel: (as Alan) Ha, ha, ha.
|
00:23:15
Professor: Well Alan, here we are. Same old mess, eh?
Crow: (as Professor) But it’s an expensive mess.
|
00:23:35
Professor: How long have you been in Trollenberg, Alan?
Alan: Just got here this morning. Came right up to see you.
Tom: (as Professor) So you haven’t had the fish yet.
|
00:23:57
Professor: But here, the search parties go out and they find nothing. Now why is that?
Tom: (as Alan) They’re not good search parties?
Joel: But they’re expensive!
|
00:24:11
Professor: And then there is the cloud.
Alan: What cloud?
Professor: Come on, Alan. You know what I’m talking about: the cloud where there should be no cloud.
Joel: (as Alan) Oh yeah, oh yeah.
|
00:26:19
(Joel and the ‘bots are entering the theater)
Tom: Joel, will you carry me everywhere from now on?
Joel: I gotta put wheels on you sometime.
(On screen, cut to a shot of Mount Trollenberg)
Crow: Hey, look it’s that painting we saw earlier.
|
00:26:34
Professor: (walking away quickly) Alan, come here.
Tom: (as Alan) Hey, wait for me! Hey.
Crow: (as Professor) Keep up!
|
00:26:42
Professor:) Now you see, here. Here is a map of the area.
Joel: (as Professor) Admittedly, it’s not a very good map.
Professor: There’s Trollenberg.
Joel: (as Professor) That’s Trollenberg.
|
00:26:56
Professor: Now remember, here is the cloud. (he points vaguely at the map) Now I turn on the scanner. (he turns the knob) So, now watch when it passes the cloud.
Joel: (as Alan) Where? Where’s the cloud? Where’s the cloud again?
Professor: Now you see it’s past the cloud. Nothing. It comes around again…
Joel: (as Alan) Where’s the cloud? Where is it?
|
00:27:16
(the device makes a “putting” sound as the scanner passes across the cloud)
Tom: It’s a cloud of baked beans, I think.
Joel: Sounds like it, right Tom?
Tom: Sure does.
|
00:27:45
Professor: Why can’t it be the same?
Alan: Too many things missing…
Crow: Like a plot!
|
00:27:55
Alan: She was booked for Geneva, but she had to get off at Trollenberg.
Professor: And did she?
Alan: Yes.
Tom: (as Alan) She had to!
|
00:28:17
(the Professor turns on one of the observation television screens)
Joel: Hey, it’s F Troop.
(Joel whistles the theme from F Troop for a while. The second screen shows a close-up of Dewhurst and Brett)
Tom: (as Professor) Two guys…
Crow: (describing Brett) Captain Parmenter.
Tom: (describing Dewhurst) Hey, isn’t he too fat to be climbing a mountain?
|
00:28:45
Professor: Well, they should be alright as long as they keep on their present track.
Crow: (as Professor) …and they keep their heads on their necks.
|
00:29:11
Professor: What more do you want?
Alan: Facts. Proof.
Joel: (as Alan) Scotch.
|
00:29:35
Alan: You know, if I was to take a hand here, I’d have to have a documented list of facts. They’d have to be pretty conclusive.
Tom: (as Alan) Or I’d look like a dork again.
|
00:29:45
Professor: I’m only important if I say something about cosmic rays. If I say anything else… phhht. They tell me to mind my own business.
Tom: Why don’t they give him something to say that he can pronounce?
|
00:30:04
Professor: (about Klein) Anyway, he could supply a list of the accidents.
Crow: (as Professor) He might be more interesting.
|
00:30:13
(Shot of the exterior of a small wooden cabin in the mountains, where Brett is arriving)
Tom: Meanwhile, back at Daniel Boone’s house…
|
00:30:17
(Dewhurst arrives at the cabin site and glances back down the slope)
Tom: (as Dewhurst:) Damn! I’m just too fat to be climbing a mountain.
|
00:30:20
(inside the house, Brett begins shedding his gear)
Crow: (as Brett) What a nice place!
Joel: (as Brett) Gee, there’s only one bed. Guess we’ll have to flip for it.
Tom: (as Brett) He’s too fat to flip!
Crow: (as Brett) Hmm… let me see. (Brett picks up a very small frying pan) I could kill the fat guy with this. No, no too flimsy. (Brett grabs another item) Yeah, this is it. Nice and hefty!
|
00:30:48
(Brett picks up the receiver to make a phone call)
Tom: (as Brett) I’ll call Weight Watchers.
|
00:31:36
Klein: Gentlemen, you understand. Officially, there is nothing I can do.
Joel: (as Klein) …except sit here and drink heavily.
|
00:31:44
(in the cabin, Brett is making marks on a map)
Crow: (as Brett) Dear diary, once again the fat guy got the bed.
|
00:32:05
(Dewhurst lies in bed watching Brett as he looks out the door into the dark night)
Joel: (as Dewhurst, in a feminine voice) Penny for your thoughts... You think we’ll ever get married?
|
00:32:10
Brett: Visibility’s not too good. Maybe it’ll clear.
Dewhurst: Fog, up here?
(shot of Mount Trollenberg)
Tom: (as Brett) Oh, it’s just a painting. Sorry, my mistake.
|
00:32:35
Sarah: Now, would somebody bring Anne into the room?
Crow: (as the audience) Do we have to?
|
00:32:39
Sarah: Now you’ll see that I make no signals to Anne and say nothing, so it’s not possible for any sort of code to be used.
(Anne enters the room. Joel makes several mumbled statements during the scene as if Sarah were not-so-secretly signaling Anne)
|
00:33:58
Anne: (about the paperweight) And when you shake it, there’s a snowstorm.
Crow: (as Anne) When you shake it, the heads come off.
|
00:34:00
(Anne stares pensively)
Tom: (as Anne, imitating Charles Foster Kane) Rosebud!
|
00:34:12
Anne: (dramatically) Two men in the hut…
Crow: (as Anne) The fat one takes the bed.
|
00:34:21
Anne: The fat one, he’s asleep.
Tom: (as Anne) …in the bed.
Anne: I can see the other one… The other one… sitting at the table.
Tom: (as Anne) Dreaming. Doubting.
Crow: (as Anne) Writing in his diary.
|
00:34:48
(Brett is sitting at the table. Anne’s voice is echoing as a voice over while mysterious music plays)
Anne: He’s getting up…
(Brett gets up)
Anne: Coming towards the door…
(Brett goes to the door)
Tom: Maybe she’s not psychic. Maybe she’s controlling him. If she shuts up, maybe he’ll sit down.
|
00:35:05
Anne: Up the slope! Up the slope!
(Alan runs over to the phone to call the cabin)
Joel: (as Alan on the phone, imitating Walter Winchell) Flash! Mr. and Mrs. America and all the ships at sea. This is a banner extra, front page stuff: Girl has vision.
|
00:35:15
(Anne faints and all of the men crowd around her trying to help)
Crow: (as one of the men, fighting over “custody” of Anne) Whoa, got her!
Tom: (as another man) Dibs! She’s mine!
Crow: (as another man) I’m taking her up with me!
|
00:35:50
(Dewhurst let the receiver hang and looks around the very small cabin for Brett)
Tom: (grumpily, as Dewhurst) I’m fat. I’m fat. I don’t know why he keeps calling me. Thanks for calling me, jerk!
Alan: (from the receiver) Dewhurst. Dewhurst, is Brett there? Can you hear me? Dewhurst, as you there? Hello! Hello!
Tom: (grumpily, as Dewhurst) Now I have to walk back over here.
Dewhurst: (picking up the receiver again) Hello.
Joel: (as Dewhurst) Can you order me a pizza?
|
00:36:45
(Dewhurst hangs up the phone and looks for something to eat)
Crow: (as Dewhurst) Well, let’s see. Something to hold me over. Hmm… hmm… (Dewhurst picks up something) Eh, I can’t eat that, it’ll just make me hungrier. (Dewhurst puts it back down then turns and goes towards the bed) Maybe the blanket.
|
00:36:53
(Dewhurst is looking out the door into the dark night)
Dewhurst: Brett? … Heyyyyy! (echo comes back: Heyyyyy!)
Joel: Echo!
|
00:37:10
(Anne is sleeping fitfully in a bed then she awakes and sits up, wide eyed)
Joel: (as Anne) It was a bizarre dream, and you were all there!
Anne: Where am I? What happened?
Joel: (as Anne, describing Sarah, the Professor and Philip) Fanny Flagg and Groucho and Carl Sagan. And it was a Dick Cavett PBS Special.
|
00:37:48
(there is a squealing sound coming from the tape of the movie)
Joel: What’s that noise?
Tom: I think someone’s sharpening a pencil, or something.
Crow: I think it’s the electric blanket.
|
00:38:05
Philip: Are these any good?
(Philip hands the bottle of pills to the Professor)
Joel: He prescribed those for Elvis.
|
00:38:15
(Sarah walks away to the left and then the Professor walks away to the right, leaving Philip alone. Philip turns abruptly towards the direction the Professor went)
Crow: (as Philip) Is it my breath?
|
00:38:30
(Dewhurst answers the phone)
Dewhurst: Hello?
Tom: (as Dewhurst) My pizza ready? It’s been over a half hour!
|
00:38:48
(Dewhurst hears scratching sounds at the door)
Dewhurst: (on the phone, to Alan) There’s somebody at the door. Hang on!
Joel: Maybe it’s the neighbor kids.
(Dewhurst walks over to the door)
Crow: Could be the pizza man.
(Dewhurst throws open the door and stares out into the fog)
Tom: (as Dewhurst) Hey, get out of my flowers!
(Shot of fog and pretty much nothing else)
Crow: It’s the stealth pizza man!
(Dewhurst goes to close the door but he peers outside first. He sees something and reacts in horror, closing the door in haste and begins to bar it)
Joel: It’s the Noid!
|
00:39:26
Tom: Do we ever get to see the monster, Joel?
|
00:39:36
(Alan hears Dewhurst scream over the phone, and pulls the receiver away from his ear
Crow: (as Alan) Anchovies?
Professor: Well?
Crow: (as Alan) He said, “anchovies.”
|
00:39:41
Alan: Phone’s gone dead!
(Almost immediately a phone begins ringing)
Tom: That one hasn’t.
|
00:39:53
(The Professor answers the phone)
Tom: It’s Harpo.
|
00:40:00
(The Professor hangs up the phone)
Joel: (as Professor) He said, “anchovies.”
|
00:40:05
Professor: That was the observatory. The cloud has moved away from the house… (The film abruptly cuts to a different scene of the town bell ringing, while the Professor’s statement continues) back up to Trollenberg.
Joel, Tom and Crow: (sarcastically) Hey, nice reel change.
|
00:40:15
(Two village men are putting on extra protective layers of clothing. The man on the right in the shot has a wavy striped top on)
Crow: (as villager) Do you think this outfit’s too busy?
|
00:40:27
Philip: I thought the locals were afraid of going up that mountain.
Alan: They are afraid. It’s an unwritten law here. Time like this they, they go up no matter what.
Joel: (as Alan) Even without pants.
|
00:40:45
(Alan is getting his gear together for the climb)
Tom: (as Alan) Should I have my glasses on or off for this climb?
|
00:40:53
Professor: Be careful, everybody!
Crow: (as Professor) Don’t lose your head!
|
00:41:00
(Side view shot of men climbing the mountain)
Tom: (as a narrator) These four brave men…
Joel: (as a climber falling) Arrrgh!
Tom: (as a narrator) Three brave men…
Crow: (as a climber falling) Arrrgh!
Tom: (as a narrator) Uh, two brave men… soon to go down in the annuls of history.
|
00:41:11
(The first villager pauses while walking to look upwards past the right edge of the scene, then each man following him also looks upward to the right)
Joel: (as the first villager) Look at that staircase! Will you look at that staircase?
Crow: (as the second villager) Wow, what a staircase!
Joel: (as Philip) Man, what a staircase! Hey, I’m getting winded. How about you, Forrest? Oh yeah.
Crow: (as a villager) Hey, quit bunching us!
Tom: (as Alan) Got enough left for this staircase.
|
00:41:25
(The men are climbing down the other side of the “staircase”)
Tom: Watch your step!
|
00:41:28
Crow: (seeing that the climbers have lots of really thin ropes) Why did they bring so much licorice?
|
00:41:32
(Anne is sleeping in bed, but she begins to thrash about and moan, almost growling in her sleep)
Crow: Hey, she’s chasing rabbits in her sleep.
Anne: (crying out in her sleep) Here they come!
Sarah: (hearing Anne) Professor! (she runs over to Anne’s side, where the Professor joins here)
Crow: (as Anne) Pepper! Fluffy! Bugs!
Tom: (as Anne) Rico! Youngblood!
|
00:41:58
Anne: (crying out in her sleep) Keep away from the hut! Away from the hut! Away from the hut!
Tom: (as Anne) …and Starsky!
Crow: Hut, hut, hut! Hut one, hut two!
|
00:42:02
(The Professor stands up and leaves Anne’s side)
Crow: (as Professor) Poor kooky kid!
Tom: (as Professor) Maybe you shouldn’t sleep so much.
|
00:42:09
Sarah: Professor, what’s the matter? Why does she behave like this?
Tom: (as Professor) She’s a method actor.
|
00:42:20
Professor: You see, your sister’s mind is capable of receiving signals sent out by other minds. By yours, for example.
(The Professor is looking straight at Sarah’s cleavage)
Tom: (as Professor) Let’s start with a simple test. Can you tell where I’m looking right now?
|
00:42:31
Professor: Now there is a stronger signal, I think. A stronger mind. It’s jamming the wavelength.
Crow: Is she AM or FM?
|
00:42:44
Professor: In the meantime, I say to you again: get your sister out of here before it is too late.
Sarah: Too late for what, Professor?
Crow: (as Sarah) Les Paul? Take out? Too late for heroes? Tell me!
Professor: Well, it’s time I was getting back to the observatory.
Sarah: Too late for what, Professor?
Crow: (as Sarah) Les Paul? Tell me! You’re keeping this from me!
Professor: When they reach the hut. Then we will know for sure, I think.
Tom: Ahh!
|
00:43:34
(After Alan breaks the door open, Philip bends down in the cabin and picks up the broken doorknob)
Crow: (as Philip) Hey, a doorknob! Can I keep it?
Alan: Philip! Come here.
(Philip throws the doorknob down with a loud clunk)
Crow: Ow! Ow!
|
00:43:43
Alan: These blankets. Frozen stiff.
Joel: He must’ve slept with his hand in lukewarm water.
|
00:43:57
(Klein points out a body to Alan and Philip)
Crow: Pants, with the legs still in ‘em.
Tom: Those are the best kind.
Joel: Careful not to pull too hard. His head might be caught on something.
(Klein, Alan and Philip pull the body out and all three react in horror as they notice the head is missing)
Joel: (as Philip) *retch*
Crow: (as Klein) Oh, yuck!
Tom: (as Alan) He’s huge!
Philip: His head’s been torn off!
Crow: Ripped off.
|
00:44:16
Sarah: Anne, we’re leaving here today.
Anne: No, Sarah.
Sarah: But Anne, why not? Look, after last night…
Anne: I just want to stay here, that’s all.
Tom: (as Anne) We haven’t tried the fish yet.
|
00:44:34
Sarah: We’re leaving Trollenberg today! Alright?
(Anne stares at Sarah intently)
Crow: (as Anne) You’re thinking of a color… There’s someone in the room named Bob…
Joel: (to Crow) Shut up!
Crow: (as Anne) Two super-powers will unite to fight a third…
Joel: (to Crow) Stop it!
Crow: (as Anne) Two brothers will reach the Senate. One will become President. Both will die…
Joel: (to Crow, whispering) Shhh. Hush.
|
00:44:55
(Anne moves the breakfast tray off her lap onto the bed, visually right in front of Crow)
Crow: Can I have that toast? Are you gonna eat that toast?
|
00:45:04
(Anne gets up out of bed and begins walking over to the window as if in a trance)
Joel: (in a hypnotic voice) The matte painting is calling you! Go to the window!
(Anne stares out the window, then widens her eyes and turns around)
Tom: (in a hypnotic voice) Go to the closet! (Anne hurries over to the wardrobe) Unpack your clothes! (Anne grabs some clothing out of the wardrobe) Open your suitcase! Take out a foundation garment! (Anne does it) Cut to another scene.
(It happens!)
|
00:45:37
(Two guys are carrying a stretcher with a body on it)
Joel: (as Klein) You guys take the torso.
|
00:48:48
Pilot: Plane to party. Plane to party. Are you receiving me?
Joel: (as the guy with the radio, Fritz) Party here. Pick up some ice and some cubes.
Fritz: We are reading you loud and clear.
Joel: (as Fritz) Get some paper cups.
|
00:48:58
Pilot: What is your position?
Fritz: Our position: map reference 2-6-5-3-4-3-2-6, over.
Joel: (as Fritz) Can’t miss it. Dave’s van is parked right out in front.
|
00:49:18
Pilot: I shall fly north for five miles.
Crow: (as pilot) …for no apparent reason.
Pilot: …then west for five miles, then south.
Tom He’ll be back in the exact same spot.
|
00:49:34
(Sarah enters the bedroom that she and Anne share)
Sarah: Anne… (she notices Anne is not in bed)
Tom: (as Sarah) What the…
Crow: (as Sarah) She didn’t make her bed again!
Tom: (as Sarah) She’s… this is her night gown.
Crow: (as Sarah) She’s not in there!
Joel: (as Sarah) She’s been digging through my stuff!
Tom: (as Sarah) Let’s see, she went to the closet. Hey, she took my stuff! Then she must’ve gone to the window.
|
00:49:55
(Sarah goes to the window and looks up, seeing a cable car)
Crow: (as Sarah) I didn’t know they had cable!
|
00:50:00
(Anne is in a cable car going up the mountain)
Joel: (as Anne, singing) The hills are alive and it’s getting scary! That cloud over there wasn’t there before!
|
00:50:13
Sarah: (on the phone) Hello.
Tom: Hello.
Sarah: Hello…
Tom: Hello.
|
00:50:20
(Shot of a small propeller search and rescue plane flying)
Tom: (imitating Tattoo) De plane! De plane!
|
00:50:29
(Shot of the plane’s pilot)
Joel: (as pilot) Don’t crash… don’t crash… don’t crash… if I concentrate, I won’t crash.
|
00:50:35
(Shot of a very steep and rugged area in the mountains)
Crow: (as one of the members of the “party”) Let’s see, let’s find a flat spot here.
(The shot focuses in on one of the members of a ground search party, who is waving to the plane)
Joel: (as the waving guy) Whoa! Here’s the party!
|
00:50:54
Pilot: He’s approximately half a mile due north of your position, above the north face.
Fritz: Roger plane! (he puts the radio away)
Crow: (sarcastically) Big part for him.
|
00:51:02
(Shot of the plane flying straight towards a mountain in the distance, but it appears to be very close)
Crow: Look out for the mountain!
(Joel makes the sound of a plane crash)
|
00:51:12
(Wilde meets Anne getting off the cable car)
Tom: (as Wilde) Hello, I’m the curator of the matte painting.
|
00:51:28
Wilde: I think you ought to wait a while at the observatory.
Joel: (as Anne) What color is the sky in your world?
|
00:51:35
(Fritz struggles up over the edge of a larger ledge)
Tom: (as Fritz) Just about… Almost… almost… unh, ooh, ohh.
(Fritz sees a backpack on the cliff and calls back down the cliff in German)
Joel: What?
Tom: He said, “Here’s a bloody bag!”
|
00:51:57
(Fritz bends over the backpack, peering at it. He pauses before opening it to see if anyone is around)
Tom: (as Fritz) Better have a look-see.
Fritz: (calling out) Herr Brett!
(It echoes several times)
Joel: Echo!
|
00:52:06
Crow: (describing Fritz, who has a Van Dyck beard) He needs a shave.
|
00:52:08
(Fritz proceeds to examine the backpack. Touching it, he gets blood on his hands)
Tom: (as Fritz) Pudding?
Joel: Maybe it’s somebody’s lunch.
Fritz: Hey, komen ze hier, schnell!
Tom: “Komen ze hier, schnell”?
(Fritz opens the backpack to reveal… a human head!)
Joel: (as the head) Alright? S'alright!
Tom: They found Hoffa!
|
00:52:24
(Fritz looks up to see a maniacal Brett coming at him with a pickax)
Tom: (as Brett) You looked in my bag!
(Brett kills Fritz with the pickax)
Crow: Hey buddy, it won’t get better if you pick at it.
(Brett sees Fritz’ partner coming over the ledge)
Joel: (as Brett) Oh yeah, your friend. I got a bone to pick with you too…
Tom: (as Brett) You want to look in my bag too!
(Brett kills Fritz’ partner with the pickax)
Joel: (as Brett) …and it’s yours!
Crow: That’s gotta hurt!
|
00:52:45
(The professor has Wilde checking several settings on his scanner. Wilde reports “negative” each time)
Joel: (as Anne) Everybody’s so negative!
|
00:53:18
Tom: (about the scanner) This will never replace Nintendo.
|
00:53:19
(Anne slips out of the observatory)
Crow: (as Anne) Now’s my chance to beat it!
Tom: (as Anne) I’m going to run into Forrest Tucker.
(Anne opens the door to run into Alan)
Tom: (as Anne) D’oh!
Alan: Why, hello Anne! What are you doing up here?
Crow: (as Anne) Uh, nothing.
Joel: Probably waiting for the commercial.
|
00:53:59
Alan: Anne, I want you to go with Hans.
Joel: (as Alan) He’s a warm and wonderful man. You’ll be very happy.
Tom: Groping Hans!
Crow: (as Hans) Hey everybody, I got a girl!
(Alan the professor look at Anne leaving with Hans)
Crow: (as Alan) They make a lovely couple, don’t they?
(Alan turns to the professor and nods his head, “yes”. The professor shakes his head, “no” in response)
|
00:54:30
Professor: (to Alan) The cloud has started moving again.
Philip: (overhearing them) What cloud?
Tom: (as Professor) Bozo the cloud!
Alan: Oh, I don’t think you’d understand, Philip.
Crow: (as Alan) You’re much too stupid.
Philip: Like that time in the Andes, you mean?
(Both Alan and the professor react in surprise)
Joel: (as Alan) Huh?
Professor: How do you know about that?
Philip: Oh, I get around. I’m a newspaper man. It’s my job to know about these things.
Joel: (as Alan) D’oh!
|
00:55:15
Philip: Is this the same as it was then?
Crow: (as professor) Well, that was then and this is now.
Philip: (to Alan) So, what happens now?
Joel: (as Alan) This.
Alan: The United Nations has a special team for investigating phenomena. I call them in.
Tom: (as Alan) They also double as our softball team.
|
00:55:39
Philip: What do they want?
Professor: Look, Phillip…
Tom: (as professor) The fish.
|
00:55:44
Professor: Now, who know what’s happening millions of miles out in space?
Tom: Sagan knows.
|
00:56:04
Philip: Do you go along with this?
Alan: Well, until someone comes up with a better theory…
Crow: (as Alan) …or a sitcom.
|
00:56:44
Professor: You see, anyone can get used to anything given time…
Tom: (as professor) …like I - you.
|
00:56:55
Professor: (to Alan) You must inform the autorities. [sic]
Crow: …or the authorities.
|
00:57:32
Alan: Trouble is… what will they try?
(The door to the bar swings opens and in swaggers Brett)
Crow: (imitating the theme from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly)
Klein: Brett, are you alright?
Crow: He looks dead on his feet.
|
00:57:49
Klein: Where have you been? We’ve had search parties out for you.
Brett: I was lost…
Tom: (as Brett) …in a fog, if you will.
|
00:58:40
(Brett has trouble lifting the glass to his mouth)
Crow: He can’t handle his liquor.
|
00:58:54
Alan: (to Brett) Here, have a cigarette.
Crow: Great, we saw how well he did with the booze. Now, let’s give him something that’s lit!
|
00:59:09
(Brett drops the contents of a box of matches)
Tom: (imitating Raymond Babbitt) 429 matches, exactly. Exactly 429.
Joel: That was a good impression, Servo.
Tom: (imitating Raymond Babbitt) I’m an excellent driver.
|
00:59:20
(Brett lights a match and waves it around, missing the cigarette. It passes in front of his nose from the audience’s point of view)
Crow: He’s gonna light his nose. Look out!
Joel: What are they going next, have him drive a forklift, you guys? Gee, glutton for punishing others!
Crow: Let’s get the dog drunk next!
|
00:59:46
Anne: I’m sorry to be a nuisance, but may I…
(Brett reacts to her presence, turning around slowly)
Joel: (as if Brett were narrating) Then she walked in…
|
01:00:10
Crow: (describing Philip) He’s wearing Mr. Spock’s jammies!
|
01:00:15
(Alan is examining Brett’s head wound)
Joel: Dig a little deeper!
Tom: (sarcastically) Hey, that’s a good idea: solder him back together.
|
01:00:22
Professor: (injecting Brett) That should take care of him until the morning, I think.
Crow: (as professor) He should be up and spilling liquor in no time.
|
01:00:40
(Tight shot on Brett lying on the bed)
Tom: Looks great!
|
01:00:44
(Hans closes the door to the room with Brett lying inside)
Crow: (as Hans) Let’s lock him in here!
Alan: I don’t know about you, but I could use a drink.
Joel: So, what else is new? I think we all could use a drink.
|
01:01:00
(Shot of Brett waking up)
Crow: (as Brett) Who put this zipper in my head?
(Brett sits up)
Crow: (as Brett) Wow, what a party! I’m dead tired…. A little thirsty, though. I need a drink, maybe some formaldehyde. Hope they serve the dead here.
|
01:01:40
Joel (describing Brett:) Looks like Popeye.
Crow: (As Brett, imitating Popeye) E-geh-geh-geh-geh. Well, somebody’s comin’ down the hallway-sg.
(Klein looks through the door peephole into Brett’s cell)
Joel: (as Klein, imitating Bluto) Hey, doesn’t look like anybody’s in there. Uh oh, I’ll see about that, oh ho.
Crow: (as Brett, imitating Popeye) Yeah, I think I’ll reach through and get him-sg!
(Joel: (as Klein, imitating Bluto) Hey Popeye! Ooh!
(Brett reaches through the peephole and grabs Klein around the throat)
Crow: (as Brett, imitating Popeye) I’m Popeye the sailor man. I’ve got a guy’s head in my hand!
|
01:02:06
(Sarah wakes up with a start. Her nightgown kind of looks striped like an referee’s shirt, due to shadows)
Joel: (as Sarah) That’s an illegal submission hold!
Crow: (as Sarah) Sounds like a bad Popeye impression to me.
|
01:02:20
(Brett continues choking Klein)
Joel: I think you’ve proved your point.
(Brett releases Klein, who drops to the floor, dead)
Tom: Dropped him like a bad habit.
Crow: He’s just misunderstood.
Tom: Most dead people are.
|
01:02:35
(Brett now has Klein’s severed head in his hands)
Joel: (as Brett) He’ll make an excellent puppet.
Joel: (seeing a meat cleaver) There’s Ward Cleaver!
Crow: What do you think he’s going to do with that?
|
01:03:05
(Brett throws a door open and enters a hallway)
Crow: (as Brett) Mind if I cut in?
Tom: (as Brett, imitating Jack Torrance) Here’s Johnny!
Joel: (as Brett, imitating Jack Torrance) Wendy, I’m home!
|
01:03:25
(Sarah looks down the stairs and sees Brett, who stares back at her)
Joel: (as Brett, imitating Jerry Lewis) Hey, pretty laaady!
|
01:03:30
(Brett is advancing on Sarah)
Crow: (imitating “Mother”) Norman, I told you not to bother the guests.
|
01:03:35
Sarah: (desperately banging on door, overacting a bit) Alan! Oh, Alan!
Tom: Oh, my!
|
01:03:50
(Alan shoots Brett from behind, killing him)
Tom: (as Alan) And that’s for killing the fat guy!
Crow: Well! Carries a pistol in his pajamas!
Joel: What do you think that pocket’s for… Kleenex?
|
01:04:05
Professor: Hans, bring the light closer. (Hans brings it closer)
Crow: (as professor) Lower.
Professor: Put it lower. (Hans lowers it)
Crow: (as professor) Lower.
Professor: Lower. (Hans lowers it)
Crow: (as professor) Lower.
Professor: A little bit lower. (Hans lowers it)
Crow: (as professor) Lower.
Professor: Put it on the floor.
Crow: (as professor) Even lower.
|
01:04:13
Professor: See the way the flesh reflects the light?
Joel: Pretty!
|
01:04:24
(Hans reacts in horror)
Crow: Wow, unfortunate skin.
(The flesh vaporizes off of Brett’s arm, leaving only bones)
Joel: Did we have to see that?
Tom: Well, we haven’t seen the monster yet. It’s good to see something.
Joel: It’s coming!
|
01:04:56
Hans: It’s insane! We should try to get out, to the village!
Alan: The road is blocked. The cloud stretches right across it.
Joel: (as Alan) Now go out and do something irrational!
|
01:05:03
(A guy in a leather jacket jaunts through the French doors)
Tom: (as jaunty guy) Hey dudes!
|
01:05:20
(Hans is sneaking away in a car, as Alan looks though the doorway)
Tom: (as Alan) Hey Hans, get some ice!
(Hans speeds away. We see a closeup of Alan’s face)
Joel: (as Alan) Poor fool!
|
01:05:32
Alan: (to the people waiting to ride the cable car) We haven’t got much time.
Crow: (as people, sarcastically) Oh really? I thought we’d just hang around for an hour or two.
|
01:05:40
(A woman grabs her child’s hand, accidentally knocking the ball from her hand. We watch it bounce across the floor)
Joel: Uh oh!
Crow: I bet they’ll be back for that!
|
01:05:48
(Far off shot of two cable cars; one going up and one going down the mountain)
Joel: I didn’t know they got cable.
Crow: Both channels.
|
01:05:57
(Philip is pacing at the bottom station of the cable cars)
Tom: (as Philip) If we only had a ball… a small rubber ball. Then we’d be fine.
(Shot of the professor and Anne talking. Anne looks like she is reaching inside her coat at chest level)
Crow: (as Anne) Wait, I think I know where we can find one!
|
01:06:50
Alan: (to the people) We haven’t got a second to spare!
Tom: (as Philip) Why don’t you just spew out more obvious facts?
|
01:07:02
(We see a shot of a wall and pan down it to a chair)
Crow: Wow, is that tastelessly done! It’s such a mish-mash of styles.
(Panning across the floor)
Joel: Kind of garish all around.
Crow: Who decorated this joint?
(Panning past a chair with the seat indented)
Tom: Someone with a really big butt sat there.
(Pan over to the rubber ball on the floor)
Tom: Is that the crawling eye, Joel?
Joel: No, that’s the little ball.
Tom: Oh.
|
01:07:30
(Focus on the closed doors leading outside, where the cloud starts to leak in at the bottom)
Joel: See, now this is where you weatherizing would really pay off. They’re probably losing up to seventy percent of their heat out that door.
|
01:08:15
(The outside doors are knocked down, revealing… the crawling eye!)
Joel, Tom and Crow: Whoa! Holy. What the? Eww! Ick! Blech! Oh My! Geez!
( The monster sees the ball and reaches for it with a tentacle)
Tom: I’m on the edge of my seat.
Joel: He thinks that ball’s one of his pupils.
Tom: Ha, ha! Stop it, you’re killing me.
Joel: Sorry.
|
01:08:30
(Focus on the eyeball of the monster)
Tom: Ooh, look at that milky discharge! I think he has conjunctivitis.
|
01:08:42
(Alan is racing to save the little girl from the monster. He is bending over and appears to be out to punish the girl instead)
Joel: (as Alan) Now, look here you!
(Alan chops off one of the monster’s tentacles with pickax. The monster appears to be reaching for Alan’s hair)
Joel: (as the monter) I’ll give you a trim!
(Alan grabs the girl and runs off to safety)
Crow: Hey wait, what about the ball?
|
01:09:08
(Philip stops before boarding the cable car and helps the people inside, as if the cable car operator)
Tom: (as Philip) Tickets! Everyone?
Joel: (as Alan) I don’t need one!
(Alan has trouble closing the prop door)
Tom: (as Alan) Door’s stuck.
|
01:09:18
(Shot of a teddy bear dropped while entering the cable car)
Tom: Oh look, it fell off its fabric softener box.
Crow: Now they’ve gotta go back for the bear!
|
01:12:04
(The final group is riding in the cable car up the mountain)
Tom: (as a narrator) As a fog emerges over Trollenberg, our young group escapes…
Joel: (as Alan) Looks like everything’s free and clear now. Nothing to do but get up the rope.
Tom: (as Philip) Just sit back and relax…
Joel and Tom: (as Alan and Philip) … and enjoy the ride!
(The gears controlling the cable car suddenly lurch to a stop)
Tom: Uh oh! Maybe we spoke too soon.
Joel: Oh, now they’re going to have to wait all day for that cable guy to show up!
|
01:12:35
Alan: This contraption operate in extreme cold?
Karl: We’ve worked the cable car in thirty below.
Alan Colder than that?
Crow: (as Karl) Colder than a wench!
|
01:12:40
(The cable car is stuck in place)
Joel: Tell scary stories.
(The cable car lurches)
Tom: (as Philip) Oh my!
Karl: The cable… it will snap!
(The cable car continues)
Tom: (as Philip) Am I going to have time to change my pants when we get there?
Joel: Oh funny. Good one!
(The cable car reaches its destination)
Joel: (as Karl) Tell more about the giant eye, Forrest!
|
01:13:42
Professor: (about the clouds) There are four of them now, and all moving this way!
Crow: Four Alans!
|
01:14:16
(Wilde turns on the observation screen. Hans appears)
Joel: (describing Hans) It’s Bob Hope!
Crow: (as Hans, imitating Bob Hope) Hey there, join me this week with Brooke Shields and Erik Estrada.
Joel: Maybe he’s doing a walk-on in this movie.
Tom: Is that the only good Bob Hope joke?
|
01:14:27
Alan: Well, if we don’t make up our minds pretty soon, they’ll be made up for us.
Joel: What does he mean by that?
|
01:14:38
(Wilde opens the door for Hans)
Karl: What’s the matter? What happened?
Tom: (describing Hans) He looks plastered!
|
01:14:41
Hans: I turned the car around and came back.
Wilde: You alright?
Crow: (as Wilde) Couldn’t get it out of first, huh?
Hans: Yes, I’m alright. Thank you. (breathing hard and sweating It is so hot in here!
Crow: Uh oh!
Wilde: Stay here with the others, Hans. You’ll be alright too. (he leaves)
Joel: (as Wilde) …and don’t breathe on anybody!
Karl: Yah, right. (he leaves)
Joel: (as Hans) What is it, my breath?
|
01:15:20
(Anne looks up to see Hans staring at her)
Tom: The Certs encounter!
Crow: (singing) Young love, first love.
Joel: (singing) Waa, waa, woo.
|
01:15:38
Sarah: (to Alan) But how can Anne help? She doesn’t know anything.
Joel: (as Alan) Obviously.
Alan: We don’t know for sure that she can, but Sarah we’ve got to try something. Obviously she has some kind of contact with these things whether she knows it or not.
Joel: (as Alan) Obviously.
|
01:16:01
Joel: Maybe that’s what those eyes want is: contacts!
|
01:16:14
Alan: Wait a minute! Say it’s cold they need. They live in cold. Remember the phone wires at the hut?
Joel: (as Alan) They’re cold!
Alan: And Brett complained of being hot after he was infected.
Joel: (as Alan) He was cold!
Wilde: Hans too, he complained of the heat.
Joel: (as Alan) Because they were cold!
Alan: Hans, what about him?
Wilde: He just arrived a few moments ago.
Joel: (as Wilde) He’s cold.
Wilde: He changed his mind about trying to escape. He complained about the heat.
Alan: Where is he?
Wilde: Out in the corridor.
Joel: (as Wilde) He’s cold!
Tom: Hans is on the fritz!
Alan: (to men in the corridor) Where’s Hans?
Joel: (as men) He had a cold!
|
01:16:41
(Philip throws the door open. Hans is choking Anne)
Tom: (as Anne) Get your Hans off me!
(Philip jumps on Hans’ back, putting them both on top of Anne)
Crow Hey, one at a time! One at a time!
Joel: No leap frog, c’mon!
(Alan and Philip pull Hans off of Anne)
Crow: Quit rough housing! Everyone will get a chance!
|
01:16:52
(Hans is on Alan’s back and Philip is on Hans’ back)
Joel: (as Hans) Take it back! Take it back what you said about my eye!
Crow: (as Alan) Uncle! Uncle! (Alan grabs a letter opener)
Crow: (as Hans) Tickle machine! Tickle machine!
(Alan stabs Hans with the letter opener)
Joel: Hans across… the letter opener.
Tom: That must’ve hurt!
(Alan runs his hands through his hair)
Crow: He’s washed his Hans of that!
|
01:17:16
(Sarah races into the room and runs to Anne’s side)
Tom: (as Sarah) Wait’ll I get my Hans on you!
|
01:17:21
Alan: (about Hans’ body) Wilde, you’d better take care of him.
Crow: (as Wilde) I think you already did!
|
01:17:30
(Alan and the professor silently stare at Sarah and Philip trying to revive Anne. The professor slowly turns to look up at Alan)
Joel: (as professor, sensitively) Are you hurting?
(Alan turns and walks toward the door)
Tom: Grieving fish.
Crow: He’ll get over it.
|
01:17:45
Alan: Hugo, get on the radio: United Nations in Berne. I want to talk to Colonel Spellman.
Joel: (as Hugo) Yowza.
|
01:18:05
Alan: Fire bombs, that’s our answer.
Tom: Fire bombs? You just hired ‘em!
|
01:18:09
Alan: … and all the jars and bottles you’ve got.
Joel: (as Alan) Get me six bags of onions and a giant eye chart!
|
01:18:17
(The fog is climbing up the mountain towards the observatory)
Joel: It’s getting creepy! (He whistles eerily)
|
01:18:26
(Joel reaches up on the screen and feels the fog) Ah, it’s cold!
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01:18:29
(The screen is filled with the fog/cloud. Joel tries to clear the air by waving his hand. Tom coughs)
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01:18:32
Tom: (about the monster) Give him a giant scissors. Maybe he’ll put himself out!
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01:18:35
Crow: Well, all eyes are on the observatory now.
Tom: Was there a sequel to this movie?
Crow: Yes, The Eye-ger Sanction.
Tom: No, no.
Crow: Ha, ha, ha! I went clean.
Tom: Starring Burl Eye-ves. Ha, ha, ha!
Joel: Great.
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01:18:51
Joel: I mean, I don’t get this: what’s a giant eye going to do to you anyway, like pick you up and wink you to death? It’s just not going to happen. It’s not practical.
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01:18:57
Tom: Well, we’re all eye witnesses, though.
Crow: Mine eyes have seen the gory!
Joel: Ooh, you did it again.
Tom: Ooh.
Crow: Kind of a… I don’t know.
Tom: Pretty high brow. Ha, ha, ha!
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01:19:10
(Alan is inspecting several Molotov cocktails)
Alan: I think a bit more in that one.
Joel: (as Alan) That’s the way I like ‘em.
Alan: That’s fine.
Tom: (as Alan) Very dry.
Alan: Make sure you get the rag packed in there tight so the petrol won’t leak.
Joel: (as guy) Yep, got it.
Tom: (as Alan) Shaken, not stirred.
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01:19:24
Alan (addressing the group) I don’t want anyone to leave this corridor unless I say so. Understood?
Joel: (as the group) What if we have to go?
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01:19:35
Alan: I can tell you that help is on its way
Joel: (as Alan) I can’t guarantee that you’ll survive.
(Alan leaves the corridor, shutting the door behind him)
Crow: (as Alan) Well, they seemed to buy it.
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01:19:52
Philip: How do you use these “bombs” of yours?
Alan: You light the rags and throw them at those things in the cloud.
Joel: (as Alan) Then you run… is that so complicated?
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01:20:00
Professor: Look at this.
(Both screens have monsters on them)
Tom: (singing) Eye, ay, ay, ay!
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01:20:03
(An eye monster is staring straight at the camera)
Crow: Wow, now I know how it feels to be in a microscope.
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01:20:07
Alan: I’m going to throw a bomb at that one. You watch on the screen what happens.
Tom: Burn your movies, Forrest?
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01:20:15
Alan: Would you all go to the far end of the corridor, please? … Except you. You come with me.
Joel: (as Karl) Huh? Why me?
Alan: I want you to slam this door behind me and wait for me to knock to come back in. If I don’t knock, don’t open it. Right?
Crow: (as Karl) R…Right. Okay, so if you knock, uh I open it. Alright, okay. Now if you don’t knock… wait, wait. Let me get a piece of paper! (Alan runs outside) … Darn.
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01:20:39
(Alan knocks on the door to be let back in)
Tom: (as Alan) Shave and a haircut.
Crow: (as Karl) Who is it?
(Carl opens the door and Alan runs inside)
Crow: (as Karl) Oh, it’s you!
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01:20:53
Philip: Let me try it.
Tom: (as Alan) Okay, but it’s not that fun. Go ahead.
(as Alan opens the door for Philip)
Crow: (as Alan) Remember the secret knock!
(Philip goes outside to face the eye creature)
Joel: (as Philip) What knock?
Tom: (as Philip:) Wait, they are big!
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01:21:08
(An eye creature is on the edge of the roof above Philip’s head)
Joel: Uh oh!
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01:21:16
Professor: Alan, there’s one on the roof. It’s taken Philip!
Tom: (as professor) He’s got a new lash on life!
Crow: (as Alan) But he didn’t knock yet!
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01:21:24
(Alan goes outside with Carl manning the door)
Crow: (as Carl) Okay, same knock deal?
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01:21:31
(Alan throws a firebomb at the eye creature on the roof that has Philip in its tentacles. The bomb bounces off Philip’s head and hits the eye creature)
Crow: (as Alan) Rats! I missed.
Joel: Yeah.
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01:21:37
(The eye creature drops Philip)
Crow: Saved him in the blink of an eye!
Tom: Nice stunt, though!
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01:21:45
(Karl pulls Philip inside as Alan pushes him in)
Joel: (as Philip, about Carl) Oh, rugged!
(Karl just stares as Philip with his chest pressed up against Philip's side. Alan comes over and taps on Karl's shoulder and Karl leaves)
Alan: Are you alright?
Joel: (as Philip) I feel so… dirty!
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01:21:57
Philip: Now what?
Alan: I don’t know. Can’t go out that door again, that’s for sure. It’s the only way in or out of the observatory. I’ve checked.
Crow: (as Philip) Maybe we should panic.
(Alan shakes his head)
Joel: (as Alan) Maybe we should go to commercial.
Tom: Take a short break from the… tedium.
Joel: (fatherly) Did you guys get enough eyes? You seen enough horrible eyes yet? Yeah?
Crow: Hmm, yeah, my eyes are burning.
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01:22:27
Alan: What are they doing now?
Professor: Can’t tell any more. They’ve blocked out the cameras. See?
Alan: Yeah.
Tom: It’s all teared up!
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01:22:31
(Shot of a bomber plane racing along)
Tom: (singing, imitating Mighty Mouse) Here I come to save the day!
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01:22:43
Pilot: ETA in five minutes.
Tom: (as Hugo) No need to come to the party any more. All the cool people are dead.
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01:22:51
Alan: (about the pilot) I hope he knows what he’s doing.
Joel: I hope you know what you’re doing!
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01:22:56
(Alan checks on Sarah watching over Anne)
Tom: (as Alan) How’s she doing?
Alan: No change?
Crow: (As Sarah) No change. Couple of bills. Went through her purse. Found my comb!
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01:23:07
(Shot of an eye creature on the roof, whipping its tentacles around)
Crow: That eye is lashing out at society!
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01:23:16
Tom: They even brought a brow beating upon these clouds.
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01:23:33
Tom: Whoever cast this movie had an eye for talent.
Joel: Okay, that’s it! Stop it!
Crow: Joel’s getting really eye-rate.
Tom: Ha, ha, ha.
Joel: Thanks you guys. Thanks for everything.
Tom: Eye can see the problem.
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01:23:55
(Tentacles are secretly putting a hole in the wall)
Joel: I spy with my little eye…
Tom: You hypocrite!
(An eye creature breaks through the wall)
Joel: …something that sounds like a gigantic eye!
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01:24:05
(An eye creature grabs Alan by the throat with a tentacle)
Joel [lanchor=LorealLashOutMascara]Long, longer, longest. Beautiful eyelashes that grab people and strangle them[lanchor]!
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01:24:11
Tom: That is one eye-full tower! Ho!
Joel You’re hurting me!
Tom: Hurts, doesn’t it? Just keep in mind you programmed me.
Joel: That’s the last time I give you free will, though. That’s it after this time!
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01:24:28
(An eye creature is burned)
Tom: Wow!
Crow: That’ll make the mascara run!
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01:24:39
Crow: (as pilot) I feel the need… the need…
Tom and Crow: …for speed!
Crow: Or an anti-depressant.
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01:24:50
(Shot of plane coming in for a bombing run)
Joel: Tora. Tora. Tora.
(The pilot drops bombs on the observatory)
Joel: (in fake Japanese accent) I bomb the ship Arizona!
Crow: Where’s Major Kong?
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01:25:16
(The eye creatures are screaming as they burn)
Joel: So that’s what it sounds like when eyes cry.
Crow: And we’re an eye witness!
Tom: Eye beat you to that one! Ha, ha, ha!
Crow: Guess I’m kind of eye witless… Eye blame myself.
Joel: C’mon be quiet! There’s a lot of destruction we should be paying attention to.
Tom: Eye, ay, ay!
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01:25:47
(The eye creatures are bombed again)
Joel: I’d like to shake tentacles with any eye that could last through that, that’s for sure!
Tom: Looks like a bunch of overcooked fried eggs!
Crow: Bet it smells good!
Joel: I bet they don’t go out for breakfast after this battle, that’s for sure.
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01:26:15
(Eye creatures are burning)
Crow: Kingsford eyeballs: edges light quick; burn clean.
Tom: I like mine mesquite grilled!
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01:26:28
(The plane does a roll)
Tom: (as a narrator) He tips his wings as he flies off into the sunset.
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01:26:37
(Shots of burned eye creatures)
Crow: Ucky!
Joel: (scoffing) “Ucky”?
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01:26:43
(The protective shield over the observatory window starts going up. Joel makes a rusty squealing sound effect. Mount Trollenberg appears through the window)
Joel: There’s that mountain.
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01:26:51
Alan: Oh, uh Wilde. Tell the villagers they can go down the mountain any time they’d like.
Joel: (as Alan) And tell the villagers to wear boots!
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01:27:02
Philip: (to Anne) How about a breath of fresh air?
Tom: I don’t think outside is the place to get some fresh air right now.
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01:27:17
Alan: (to Sarah, offering her one) Cigarette?
Tom: (as Sarah) Yes it is.
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01:27:28
(Final shot of the mountain as the end credits begin)
Joel: (singing) Eye can see clearly now, the rain is gone. I can see all obstacles in my way…
(Joel and the ‘bots leave the theater)
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