Login or register

105 - The Corpse Vanishes - Recap

<-- Previous EpisodeNext Episode -->
Episode begins

Season One Opening Sequence

Initial Host Segment

(In Deep 13, the camera is slowly panning right. Dr. Erhardt is controlling the camera via a handheld device and Dr. Forrester is holding a gift basket)
Dr. Forrester: Oh Larry, I brought you a little something from the Mad Scientists Convention this year. Little gift; little tchotchke for you.
Dr. Erhardt: (excited) Oh, what is it?! You!
(Dr. Forrester hands Dr. Erhardt a small bottle)

Scientists can still smell nice

Dr. Forrester: It's the Isaac Asimov Body Splash. It's part of the Foundation Trilogy gift set.
Dr. Erhardt: (opening the bottle) Oh and it's pretty too! It smells like Space!
Dr. Forrester: (holding up another bottle) Yes and it also goes with the Mad Scientist Masculine Hygiene Musk
Dr. Erhardt: (grabbing for the bottle) Oh, I wanna try that!
Dr. Forrester: (pulling the bottle back) Uh, later... later.
(Dr. Erhardt looks disappointed)
Dr. Forrester: It's time to get Joel on the old horn here; give him our experiment this week... would you like to do the honors?
Dr. Erhardt: (thrilled) Oh, you are something special! (grunts) Come in, Joel, you Free-Rotating Skanky Boy!
Dr. Forrester: Eh, not bad. Not bad.
Invention Exchange

(Switch to the bridge of the Satellite of Love. Joel is there alone, with an odd device enveloping his head)
Joel: Hey Sirs! Hey Cambot, bring it in a little bit. I'm ready for this week's invention exchange. This is called the Chiro-Gyro and if you happen to suffer from back, neck or pelvis pain, just strap it on and let it go. It does the work for you. Watch!
(Joel starts the machine, which makes his head spin in one direction and then the other)

Round and round he goes

Joel: (removing the machine) What do you think?
(He moves his head as if in pain. Switch back to Deep 13)
Dr. Forrester: Hmm... I'd like to strap that one you, Larry!
Dr. Erhardt: Yeah, that'd be a nice way to... unwind. (giggles)
Dr. Forrester: (unamused) Oh, stop it.
Dr. Erhardt: (dejected) I'm sorry.
Dr. Forrester: Here's our invention this week, Joelette. As you know, the old squirting joke flower has lost its ability to shock or surprise. (gesturing to a flower on his lapel)
Dr. Erhardt: We suped it up, though. We came up with a burning boutonniere, featuring the Flame Flower!
(Dr. Forrester ignites shooting flames from the flower. Dr. Erhardt chuckles)

You didn't want your eyebrows anyway

Dr. Forrester: I'd like to see anyone who isn't surprised by that, Joelene!
(They both laugh evilly. Switch back to SOL bridge)
Joel: (shocked) I cannot believe you guys. That is so hateful!
(Switch back to Deep 13)
Dr. Forrester and Dr. Erhardt: Thank you!
(Dr. Forrester snaps his fingers and the flames stop immediately)
Dr. Forrester: Well our burnt offering this week, Joel, is a little scientific nugget called "The Corpse Vanishes".
Dr. Erhardt: It features Bela Lugosi stewing in his own mediocrity.
Dr. Forrester: Yes, but first another one of those space stinkers: Commando Cody and the Bridge of Death.
Dr. Erhardt: Enjoy!
(He pushes a button. Switch back to SOL bridge, where movie sign is flashing)
Joel: Movie sign!
(Joel slaps the desk)

1st Movie Segment

1st Commercial Break

2nd Movie Segment

(Joel and the ‘bots exit the theater)

1st Host Segment

(Tom and Crow are on the bridge of the Satellite of Love. Tom is reading Tiger-Bot magazine and humming as he does)
Crow: Hey, what're ya readin'?
Tom: Oh, it's the latest edition of Tiger-Bot magazine. They have a big full-color spread of Data, from Star Trek.
Crow: Data? Wow! He's dreamy!!!
Tom: Says here he's getting bigger than Kirk Cameron too!

All the cool 'bots read it

Crow: Wow. Hey, hey! Hey, look at that schematic there! Wow, look at that brain!
Tom: I wish I had me one of those positronic brains.
Crow: Wow, Data's got all the candies. Hey uh, Servo, who's the dream date this week?
Tom: Lemme see... uh, says here... Twiki.
Crow: (annoyed) Twiki?! What a coaster! He hasn't worked since Buck Rogers!
Tom: I know, what a putz! (imitating Twiki) Beedee, beedee, beedee. Wanna dance, Buck?
Crow: (laughs) Yeah, you know that guy couldn't interface without a load pan adapter! Such a shrimpy little bot anyway. You know, with those ineffectual arms... and that stupid bubble head... and...
Tom: (glaring) Funny, Crow. (goes back to reading) Oh great! Look, here's the spreadsheet on Data! Let's see, uh... Turn ons: electricity, uh, quiet walks on the holodeck, Cray supercomputers, uh... let's see... Turn offs: switches, fat Klingons in sweat pants and Shatner hanging around the set telling old war stories. Oh here, and Tandy products. Okay, Pet Peeve: yes, definitely. Uh, Favorite Actress: Julie Newmar. Uh, Favorite Scot: James Doohan. Secret Fantasy? Hey, wait a minute! Look at this: his secret fantasy. It says right here, "I'd really love to be a human." (annoyed) Oh man!
Crow: (annoyed) Oh, how predictable! The old Pinocchio Syndrome.
Tom: This is the kind of clown that gives us 'bots a really bad name!
Crow: Yeah, what a sell out!
Tom: And speaking of sell outs...
(Crow opens his mouth in anticipation of the commercial)

2nd Commercial Break

3rd Movie Segment

3rd Commercial Break

2nd Host Segment

(On the SOL bridge, Joel, Tom, Gypsy and Crow are playing tag)
(Tom runs right, breathing hard)
(Crow runs right)
Crow: Oh, man!
(Joel runs right)
(Gypsy pops up in front of the desk then goes to the right)
(Tom runs right again, huffing and puffing)
(Crow runs right again)
Crow: Whoa, no!
(Joel runs right again)

Joel is a man on the run

(Gypsy pops up in front of the desk again then goes to the right)
Gypsy: (off screen) Tag! You're "it"!
(Tom runs left)
(Joel runs into the shot)
Joel: Hey wait, wait, wait. Come here, come here you guys. Come on back here.
(Tom and Crow enter from the left)
Tom: What do you want?
(Joel tags both of them)
Joel: Uh, safe! Tag! You're "it"!
Crow: Hey!
Tom: Why you!
(Movie sign flashes)
Joel: Movie sign!
(Joel hits the desk and runs up the tunnel. The 'bots chase him)

4th Movie Segment

4th Commercial Break

5th Movie Segment

(Joel and the ‘bots leave the theater)

3rd Host Segment

(Joel, Tom and Crow are on the SOL bridge. Crow is giving Joel a haircut while Tom reads Tiger-Bot0 magazine)
Crow: (whistling) Well... So, what can I do for you today, big boy?
Joel: Uh, just, uh, gimme the usual.
Crow: All right, you want the ears left on? Naah, a little barber joke, there. Well. (sniffs) Okay. Oh say, did you hear about the Mason boy?
Joel: Uh Jimmy, the oldest?
Crow: (whistling) Yep, got uh... got caught in the family thrasher machine!
Joel: Aw, no!
Tom: (looking up from his magazine0 Dad had to pull him out with the come-along!
Crow: Yeah, well, the good news is now he gets to play center over at the new high school! Turn, please!
Joel: Oh, on the basketball team?
Crow: Yep.

No combovers, please

Tom: Looks like the Dixons are marrying out their youngest.
Joel: Oh, Pixie. She's a super gal!
Tom: Oh yeah.
Crow: Yeah, I remember her when she was just a little darling. You know, she's marrying the Fenton boy now. He's trouble! Lean left…
(Joel leans left)
Crow: No, your other left, he he he! Yeah, he's taking hydraulics over at the Vo-Tech.
Tom: Didn't that refrigeration course pan out for him?
Crow: Well, it did until the Freon accident!
(Joel and Tom both groan in remembrance)
Crow: Yep. Yep. Hey uh, what do you want me to do with this cyst?
Joel: Uh, just comb over it, okay? You know I saw the Fentons over to the hot fish shop, ya know?
Tom: Oh, they do a nice job over there! Oh, the relish tray: to die for! We've gotta bring the girls down there! They'd just love it!
Joel: Yeah, they'd love that place.
Crow: Oop! Was that your ear?
Joel: No?
Crow: How 'bout that?
(Crow snips Joel's ear on purpose)
Joel: Ow!
(Crow laughs)
Tom: There goes your tip!
Crow: Yeah, well. Hey, you know, I was, uh... I was at the Crazy Days over at Boskerville, you know, the other day for that, uh, that clown parade thing they do, Joel.
Joel: Uh huh, yeah. Sure.
Crow: Yeah, you've heard of that. Yeah sure, they get the Lion's Club together with the Kiwanis from Ellsworth. There's about 150 of 'em there for this, uh, this Clown Jamboree, you know? And you know, well, about 150 clowns runnin' wild in the street with the big clown suits and the fake mustard and all that stuff!
Joel: Well, they do a wonderful job!
Crow: Yeah, well, I know how much you boys like clowns, you know. Well, these boys, anyway, they took a few tall, cold ones and that wasn't even enough! They had a few "road sodas" with them, you know what I mean? And, uh, well they ended up rolling that fire engine right there in the Main Street! Gasoline and clown white, all over the road!
(Tom groans)
Crow: Yeah, you know, and those clown shoes burn like black tires! Yep, big black stinky cloud hanging over the whole ugly scene. Why, they're still pickin' up clown noses!
(Tom groans again)
Crow: Yep. They called the coroner from up at Bixby. You know, he's got that, uh, that ambulance from the war, you know. He's the only one in town. Well they still managed to cram all 200 of them clowns into that little, bitty wagon!
Joel: That's sad.
Crow: Yep. Sad.

5th Commercial Break

6th Movie Segment

6th Commercial Break

7th Movie Segment

(Joel and the ‘bots leave the theater)

Final Host Segment

(Joel, Tom and Crow are on the bridge of the Satellite of Love. There is a bowl of RAM chips on the desk)
Joel: Okay, it's that time. It's the end of the movie and it's time for some RAM chip action, okay!
Crow: Wow!
Joel: You know what to do, Tom Servo. Why don't you tell us about, Buddy?
Tom: Okay, Mr. Patronize. We say something good about the movie and something bad about the movie and then we get a RAM chip. Right, To Sir With Love?
Joel: Yeah, and I think I'm gonna start with Crow while you adjust your attitude, all right?
Crow: Yay!
Joel: Okay Crow, give me a good thing about the movie. Give me a bad thing about the movie.
Crow: (rapidly) Good thing about the movie was: we got to meet an entire family of mutants!
Joel: Right. And the bad thing?
Crow: Bad thing was they're so stupid, they tried to commit inconspicuous murders on the most conspicuous day of a woman's life!
Joel: You, my friend, get a RAM chip.
(Joel sticks a RAM chip in Crow's mouth)
Joel: There you go. All right.
(The RAM chip pops out of Crow's mouth onto the desk. Joel picks it up and sticks it back into Crow's mouth)
Joel: Oops, fell out. There you go. Okay, anyway Tom Servo. Now, tell me a bad thing about the movie.
Tom: Well, it was painfully long, the color was non-existent, it was a bad print, it was really hard to watch following Elsie's already mediocre (garbled) into total obscurity...
Joel: Uh okay. Okay, that's good. Now just give me a good thing.
Tom: (thinking) A good thing... huh, um...
Joel: Get a RAM chip.
Tom: Uh, heh. Um... (starting to panic) Uh... Uh...
Joel: Just give me a good thing, Pal. What's wrong? Can't you think of a good thing about the movie?
Tom: (panicked) A good thing? A good thing? Something is wrong.... Daisy.
(Tom's head explodes)

He should've said "non-smoking"

Crow: Oh, nasty!
Joel: Oh man! Crow you gotta go get my tools!
Crow: All right.
Joel: Tom Servo's toasted! This one's fried. Anyway, Scientists what did you think of that one?
(Switch to Deep 13)
Dr. Erhardt: Hey, it blew up one of those Little Drone Things! (laughs) I'll make a note to get more movies just like that!
Dr. Forrester: Yes. (handing him a clipboard) Here Larry, file this.
Dr. Erhardt: Yeah.
(Dr. Erhardt takes the clipboard and leaves)
Dr. Forrester: Well, bye for now my Little Space Biscuit.
(Dr. Forrester pushes a button and the transmission ends)

End credits roll.

Created By
Joel Hodgson

Produced By
Jim Mallon

Written By
Trace Beaulieu
Joel Hodgson
Jim Mallon
Kevin Murphy
Mike Nelson
Josh Weinstein

Joel Hodgson's
Puppet Bots

Trace Beaulieu

Josh Weinstein

Jim Mallon

Also Featuring
Trace Beaulieu
As Dr. Clayton Forrester

Josh Weinstein
As Dr. Laurence Erhardt

Associate Producer
Kevin Murphy

Production Manager
Alexandra B. Carr

Edited By
Randy Davis

Art Direction
Trace Beaulieu
Joel Hodgson

Set Design
Trace Beaulieu
Joel Hodgson

Kevin Murphy

Faye Burkholder
Clayton James

Bow Tie

Gizmonic Devices
Joel Hodgson

Production Assistants
Jann Johnson
Steve Rosenberger
Sara Sandborn
Melanie Hartley

"The Love Theme From
Mystery Science Theatre 3000"

Lyrics By
Joel Hodgson
Josh Weinstein

Music By
Charlie Erickson
Joel Hodgson

Performed By
Joel and The Joels

Mastered At
Blue Light Music

Production / Post Production
Provided By
Fuller Productions
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Production Staff
Ken Fournelle
Jim Fuller
Jim Erickson

Post Production Audio
Rich Cook
Tele Edit

Special Thanks To
Randy Herget
Skyline, Inc.
Bryan Beaulieu
The Teachers of America
David Campbell
Rick Leed

© 1989 Best Brains, Inc.
All Rights Reserved

Best Brains

Episode ends.