K11 - Humanoid Woman - Recap

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Episode begins

Season Zero Opening Sequence

Initial Host Segment

(Dr. Erhardt and Dr. Forrester are in the control room of Gizmonic Institute. Dr. Forrester is staring at a cardboard cutout of Elvira while wearing 3-D glasses)
Dr. Erhardt: Is it working for you?
Dr. Forrester: Shh!
(Dr. Erhardt turns and notices that the camera is on and he taps Dr. Forrester)
Dr. Erhardt: Hunh? Oh. Heh heh!
Dr. Forrester: Oh. Well... oh.
(Dr. Forrester removes the 3-D glasses and both he and Dr. Erhardt grin sheepishly)
Dr. Forrester: (sternly) Did you see the rating from last week's show? They went up!
Dr. Erhardt: Against the Super Bowl! I don't get it. The hot levels were out of this world too! We've gotta send him something really awful this week. Whaddya have?
Dr. Forrester: Well, I'd like to shakes hands with the man who can think his way around this film. It's another Sandy Frank epic, this time from Czechoslovakia. Even Joely's mother couldn't watch this thing!
(The Mads cackle evilly)

The Mads are gonna repay Joel by Czech

Dr. Erhardt: Let's see what the Boy Wonder is up to.
Dr. Forrester: Good idea. Hello Joel the Mole!
(Switch to the bridge of the Satellite of Love. Joel is alone)
Joel: Hello, Sirs! Hey great movie last week, huh? You know, I don't think a lot of people realize this but it wasn't really a movie; it was just two Space: 1999 segments edited together.
(Cut back to Gizmonic Institute)
Dr. Erhardt: (aggressively) Regardless of what it was, it put your ratings through the ceiling!
Dr. Forrester: Even you could have beat the Cincinnati Bengals. And I'm out fifty bucks!
(Dr. Erhardt laughs slightly and Dr. Forrester glares at him)
(Cut back to SOL bridge)
Joel: Hey maybe they'll give me MVP.
(Cut back to Gizmonic Institute)
Dr. Forrester: Don't get cocky with me, you Orbiting Wilfred Brimley Want-to-Be!
Dr. Erhardt: (snickering) Uh, Joel. Do the words, "oxygen deprivation" mean anything to you? Look, if your rating keep going up, we're going to be forced to send you...
(Cut back to SOL bridge)
Joel: Geez, you guys. Last week the ratings were low and you got mad.
(Cut back to Gizmonic Institute)
Dr. Forrester: Hey, we're Mad Scientists. What do you expect?
(Dr. Erhardt cackles crazily)
Dr. Forrester: Larry, put in Humanoid Women.
(Dr. Erhardt cackles even more insanely)
(Cut back to SOL bridge where movie sign flashes)
Joel: Movie sign!
(Joel hits the button)

1st Movie Segment

1st Commercial Break

1st Host Segment

(On the SOL bridge, Joel, Tom, Gypsy and Crow are playing tag)
(Crow runs left... Joel runs left... Gypsy runs left... Crow runs left... Joel runs left... Gypsy runs left... Tom runs left...)
Crow: (off screen) Tag! You're "it"!
(Crow runs right... Joel runs right... Tom runs right... Gypsy runs right...)
Gypsy: (off screen) You're "it", Crow! I got you!
(Joel runs into the shot. Movie sign flashes)
Joel: Hey, come here you guys! Come on in here, everybody. We got movie sign.
(Crow comes up from behind the desk. Tom and Gypsy enter from the right)
Joel: Come on, get in here.
Gypsy, Tom and Crow: (one at a time) Movie sign?
Joel: We got movie sign. Hey Servo, you're "it". Psych!
(Joel taps Tom, hits the button and runs up the tunnel. All three Bots chase him)

Tom's got "it"!

2nd Movie Segment

2nd Commercial Break

3rd Movie Segment

3rd Commercial Break

4th Movie Segment

(Joel, Tom and Crow leave the theater)

2nd Host Segment

(Tom is on the SOL bridge. There is a blender on the desk)
Tom: (singing) Macho, macho robot. There's no question I'm a macho guy, hey! (he notices the blender) Whoa! Excuse me, miss. Say, I've never noticed you on the satellite before. Heh heh heh! I'm Tom Servo, man about satellite. Sure I may look small but I'm built like a Cuisinart... really! Now don't think me forward, miss, but I couldn't help but notice that you've got 11 settings. (pause) You know, you're kind of quiet... and I like that in a woman! Too many of the gals that I've known just like to rub exotic oils on me and fan me and... which is okay, I guess, but I need a change! I need a woman more my speed and I happened to notice (clicks his tongue) you've got 11 of 'em. (pause) Wait... I must've offended you. You're blushing! (he looks closer) No... that's juice, I think. You know, I've always found juice in the head to be quite a turn-on, my little scientific calculator you! (he laughs) Ever gotten a wild hair and just filled your head with guacamole for the hell of it? I'm the kind of robot who likes to throw caution to the wind, if you know what I mean. And if you do, will you please tell me? (laughs) Hey, I see you've still got a power cord! An old-fashioned gal! (laughs) I like that. I like a good tail on a woman. (laughs) Pardon me. I know I might be coming on a little bit strong, but I love your lines. You've got classic features: crush, grate, chop, puree... Baby, you've got it all! (laughs)
(Joel enters and turns on the blender)
Tom: (hearing the blender) And a lovely singing voice too! Baby, you do got it all! Joel, I'm in love!
(Joel turns off the blender, removes the lid and proceeds to drink out of it)
Joel: What do you mean, Servo?
Tom: (aghast) Jo- My god, man, you've defiled my honor! Nobody drinks from my gal! The gauntlet's been thrown!
Joel: Hey, uh, Servo... it's a blender.
Tom: Oh. (turns and leaves to the right) 'scuse me, miss. You know, you've got beautiful... Oh. excuse me, Mr. Coffee! I'm so embarrassed!

Tom turns on the charm

4th Commercial Break

5th Movie Segment

5th Commercial Break

3rd Host Segment

(Joel, Tom and Crow are on the SOL bridge but the scene is upside down. The shot expands and contracts randomly)
Joel: Hey, great job Cambot! That looks good. I want to thank Cambot for turning us upside down for this special tribute to Salvador Dali.
Tom: You know, Joel, what was your first experience with surrealism?
Joel: Um... well, I think it would have to be, Servo, back when I was on Earth and I was a little boy in first grade. The Monkees TV show, they had those dream sequences. They were pretty surreal.
Crow: I like those Dali watches. You know, they take a licking and keep on dripping! (laughs)
Tom: You want surreal? I'll give you surreal: A Very Brady Christmas. Just watching little Cindy age! I dunno, didn't she get killed in Vietnam or something?
Joel: You know, I don't like the way this segment is going...
(Movie sign flashes)
Joel: ... luckily we got movie sign!
(Joel hits the button)

Surreality bites

6th Movie Segment

6th Commercial Break

7th Movie Segment

(Joel, Tom and Crow leave the theater)

Final Host Segment

(Joel, Tom and Crow are on the SOL bridge)
Tom: (singing) I'm such a macho guy...
Joel: Thanks for, uh, all your calls. All the people who've called in; we really appreciate it. Um...
(The following message is superimposed, "623-7655 Talk to Joel!")
Tom: You know, Joel...
Joel: Yeah?
Tom: Where you ever a big Village People fan?
Joel: Me? No. Just for about half a second and then I realized... (pause) ...what was going on.
Tom: (snickers) You know, I was reading an article: kind of one of those "where are they today?" articles.
Joel: Uh huh.
Tom: I read that, um, you know, one of 'em's a construction worker now. One of of 'em's a, uh, Indian. one of 'em's a cowboy out in Montana and one of 'em's a police officer.... work with me here.
Joel: That's justice.
Tom: It is.
Joel: Yeah. What about you, Crow? What are you gonna do while the show's not on... this week?
Crow: Well, I uh, I'm gonna get some things done around the satellite. You know, some uh... uh, you know some maintenance work I've been wanting to catch up on. You know, not that exciting but you know. It's kinda... you know, I'm kinda happy.
Joel: And the people who call in: we really don't have any control over, uh, what movies come in so quit tryin' to tell us what to do on those calls. All right?
Tom: Unless you're friendly about it.
Joel: Yeah. We really can't control it. But, uh, I guess that's it.
Tom: How about a big Dating Game kiss?
Joel: Okay!
(Joel does the kiss motion but Crow doesn't and Tom, of course, can't)
Joel, Tom and Crow: M-whok!
Tom: Crow had to do it without his arms.
Joel: (to Crow) Wanna fix that in post-production?
Crow: I've never seen Dating Game... I...
(The following message is superimposed, "623-7655 Talk to Joel!")
Tom: (rapidly) Talk to Joel, 623-7655... This is Tom Servo saying goodbye, and God... like you.
(The transmission ends)

Give us a kiss, boys

End credits roll.

Mystery Science
Theater 3000

Created by
Joel Hodgson

Produced By
Jim Mallon

Written By
Joel Hodgson
Trace Beaulieu
Josh Weinstein
Jim Mallon
Kevin Murphy

Joel Hodgson

Puppet Operation and Voices
Josh Weinstein
Trace Beaulieu
Kevin Murphy

Associate Producers
Kevin Murphy
Vince Rodriguez

MST 3000 Theme Music
Charlie Erickson
Joel Hodgson

Joel Hodgson
Josh Weinstein

Sung By
Joel and The Joels

Recorded At
Sing Sing Studios

Faye Burkholder

Vince Rodriguez

Todd Ziegler

Kevin Murphy

Art Director
Joel Hodgson

Kevin Murphy

Production Assistant
Alex Carr

Color Consultant
Lisa Erickson

Hair Designs
Mr. Crow
of Beverly Hills

This program was produced
through the facilities of

Mystery Science Theater
3000 is a co-production of
Hair Brain Productions.

© 1989 KTMA &
Hair Brain Productions

Episode ends.