K19 - Hangar 18 - Recap

00:00:00
Episode begins

00:00:01
Season Zero Opening Sequence

00:01:29 Initial Host Segment
(Joel is on the Satellite of Love bridge. He apparently hits his head on the tunnel door when it closes)
Joel: The movie's called Hangar 18
(Movie sign flashes)
Joel: Movie sign!
(Joel hits the button)

Don't ya just hate it when that happens?

00:01:34
1st Movie Segment

00:13:38
1st Commercial Break

00:13:46
2nd Movie Segment

00:27:35
(Joel, Tom and Crow leave the theater)

00:27:43 1st Host Segment
(Joel and Crow are on the SOL bridge. Joel is writing on a paper on the desk)
Joel: Hey uh, Crow, I'm gonna have to borrow some of your RAM chips later today.
Crow: Why?
Joel: Uh, I'm gonna need some more computing power, that's why.
Crow: Why?
Joel: Because, uh, if you wanna know there's a meteor shower heading right for the ship and, uh, that's why.
Crow: Why?
Joel: Well, if the ship gets in the way of the meteor shower, uh, it'll puncture holes in the side of the ship the size of a six-pack of malt liquor, that's why.
Crow: So?
Joel: Well, if we have holes in the ship the size of a malt liquor can, it's gonna suck all the oxygen out.
Crow: So?
Joel: So if there's no oxygen in the ship your creator and pal, me, expires and that's the end.
Crow: So?
Joel: So I'll put it in robots terms. Uh, that means no human companion for playing Parcheesi... you know how that ends up. No, uh, Kibbles 'n' Bots. And no mid-morning pleasure stimulations.
Crow: Oh! Uh... (child-like) Daddy, what's Viet Nam? (chuckles) Come on, Joel. Ya gotta lighten up! Come on.
Joel: (sternly pointing) Get my belt!
(Crow goes suddenly quiet)
Joel: Go to my foot locker and get my belt!
Crow: (whining) I... I hate you forever!
(Crow leaves crying and Commercial sign flashes)

There's only so much wise-cracking a man can take

00:28:56
2nd Commercial Break

00:29:02
3rd Movie Segment

00:41:50
3rd Commercial Break

00:41:58
4th Movie Segment

00:52:06
4th Commercial Break

00:52:15 2nd Host Segment
(Joel, Tom and Crow are on the SOL bridge. Joel has some electrodes attached to Crow's head)
Joel: okay. Um, now Servo, this coupling device on Crow's head is gonna allow us to read what's in his memory and then decide whether we should keep it or not. What we should save; what we should dump. All right?
Tom: All right. I'll do this monitor here, all right? Um, first we have... On.
Joel: "On"... all right. I think that's a given. We should keep that.
Tom: All righty. Keep that. Okay, How to Play "Heart and Soul" with Your Fist.
Crow: Uh, keep that!
Joel: Okay.
Tom: All right. Load Pan Training?
Crow: Well, it's up to you Joel. Do you wanna go through that again?
Joel: No, I don't!
Tom: No. I think our bunk beds are reason enough not to.
Crow: Yeah, I won't wanna have to use the membrane again.
Tom: All right.
Crow: Load. Purge. Load. Purge. All the same to me!
Tom: Good to hear it... Um, all the King Family Specials.
Joel: Gone.
(Joel presses a button and Crow makes a buzzing noise)

After binging, a purge must always follow
Tom: Here's the solutions to all those Highlight magazines.
Joel: Gone.
(Joel presses a button and Crow makes a buzzing noise)
Tom: Okay, STP commercials with Mario Andretti?
Joel: Gone.
(Joel presses a button and Crow makes a buzzing noize)
Tom: A still store of Farrah Fawcett's poster from the 70's.
Joel: Okay.
(Joel reaches for the button)
Tom: Uh, better keep that I think (clears his throat)
Crow: Yeah.
Tom: All right. Well, here's every Punky Brewster episode.
Joel: Gone.
(Joel presses a button and Crow makes a buzzing noise)
Tom: Here's the Lyle Wagner Penile Implant Show.
Joel: Gone.
(Joel presses a button and Crow makes a buzzing noise)
Tom: Huh? All right. okay, Joe Compton's Business School.
Joel: That would be gone. Yeah.
(Joel presses a button and Crow makes a buzzing noise)
Tom: Robert Vaughn's Helsinki Formula Hour.
Joel: Gone.
(Joel presses a button and Crow makes a buzzing noise)
Tom: Erin Gray's Cellulite Show.
Joel: Gone.
(Joel presses a button and Crow makes a buzzing noise)
Tom: George Hamilton's Sking Care Hour.
Joel: Gone.
(Joel presses a button and Crow makes a buzzing noise)
Joel: Crow, where did you... why'd you pick up all these shows?
Crow: Well, I was monitoring TV23 when I fell asleep.
(Movie sign flashes)
Joel: Movie sign!
(Joel hits the button)

00:53:55
5th Movie Segment

01:03:17
5th Commercial Break

01:03:26
6th Movie Segment

01:16:45
6th Commercial Break

01:16:54  3rd Host Segment
(Joel, Tom and Crow are on the SOL bridge. Crow is once again hooked up to the coupling device)
Tom: Look at this, Joel. It's Crow's first memory!
Joel: Wow, we gotta watch it! Uh, let's put it up on the screen.
(Joel presses a button. Fade to black and then fade in to a very rough pixilated shot of Joel putting the finishing touches on the newly-built Crow. There is a time index counter at the bottom of the screen, which begins at 23:42:22. The focus becomes clearer)
Joel: All right, (singing) the right lower manual (mandible) connects to the vestigial column; the vestigial column connects to the newton valve; the newton valve connects to the spasmodice croppiscator; that's what makes him throculate! Dem bots, dem bots, them dry bots! Dem bots, dem bots, them dry bots! Dem bots, dem bots, them dry bots! Now hear the pan of the load! (speaking) Well, I'm all outta white pieces; that must be it!

Crow's birth photo!
(Joel gives the still Crow a little tap on the back)
Crow: (crying) Waaa! Naaa! Ohhh!
Joel: That's not right.
(Joel taps Crow on the back again)
Crow: Uh, unh. Ow! Hey, that hurt! Hey, hello world! (chuckles)
Joel: Hey, welcome to the Satellite of Love. I'm gonna call you "Crow".
Crow: Why Crow?
Joel: Well, C.R.O.W. stands for Cybernetic Remotely-Operated Woman.
(Fade to black and switch back to SOL bridge with Joel, Tom and Crow)
Crow: Whoa! Wait a minute! I'm a woman?! Hey, hear me roar guys! No wonder I got darts in all my clothing.
Joel: Well, actually you're not a woman, Crow. You're a... I ran out of parts. You're a hermaphrobot.
Crow: Well, get Radio Shack on the horn and finish the job, boy! Look at this mess! Are these dishes clean? Hey, put that down; you'll poke your eye out! Hey, Thirty Something's comin' on! I gotta have some chocolate! (panting)
Joel: Crow! Crow! Take it easy, Crow. Listen, you were a... it's all just a real elaborate joke, Crow.
(Tom chuckles)
Joel: I, uh, basically invented you to put that memory in and, uh, pull a joke on you.
Crow: ...so my life has been one big setup for a punch line? Boy, I feel like... Morey Amsterdam.
(Movie sign flashes)
Joel: Movie sign!
(Joel presses the button)

01:18:40
7th Movie Segment

01:29:37
7th Commercial Break

01:29:46
8th Movie Segment

01:38:07
(Joel and Crow leave the theater)

01:38:14 Final Host Segment
(Joel, Tom and Crow are on the SOL bridge)
Joel: Okay, it's a very special time around here. Isn't that right, fellas?
Crow: That's right.
Tom: I'm all a-quiver with anticipation.
Joel: ...because we're almost to our 1000th member in the MST 3000 Fan Club!
Crow: Cool!
Joel: Right. And you can, uh, become a member by paying attention to this...
(Shot of a starfield with the following words superimposed: "Mystery Science Theater 3000 - Fan Club - c/o TV23 2505 Kennedy St. N.E. Mpls, MN 55413")
Tom: (off screen) Mystery Science Theater Fan Club, uh... care of TV23 2505 Kennedy Street Northeast, Minneapolis, Minnesota, 55413.
(Switch back to the SOL bridge)
Joel: Right. And... we've also got a surprise prize for the 1000th person!
Crow: Ooh!
Joel: You wanna tell them about it, Don Pardo?
Tom: (announcer voice) They win: self-satisfaction, that's right, their name mentioned on the air and one of these attractive, lovely demon dogs as featured in the opening credits of Mystery Science Theater 3000... just for sending in your name!
Joel: That's right. So don't forget; you get this demon dog if you're the 1000th winner and you name on the air.
Tom: Isn't that a Bowie song: "Demon Dog"?
Joel: No, that's an X song.
Crow: I'd love it!
Joel: Thanks!
(The transmission ends)

Some lucky viewer got this demon dog

01:39:15
End credits roll.

Mystery Science
Theater 3000

Created by
Joel Hodgson

Note: the remainder of the end credits are missing from all known fan copies

01:39:20
Episode ends.

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