K21 - Legend of the Dinosaur - Recap

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Episode begins

Season Zero Opening Sequence

Initial Host Segment

(Dr. Erhardt and Dr. Forrester are in a control room at Gizmonic Institute)
Dr. Erhardt: I'm telling you, Clay. It was brilliant! It sold millions! The "Paul is dead" hoax is one of the greatest marketing schemes in history.
Dr. Forrester: ...and the "Joel is dead" campaign is the perfect way to pump some life into the video-marketing arm of Mystery Science Theater.
Dr. Erhardt: It'll be the biggest marketing coup since Coke changed the formula! Let's review the clues.
Dr. Forrester: Yeah. Oh, good, good. I was watching this tape earlier and I picked out some things. Here, look at this.
(Dr. Forrester presses a button. Switch to a still store shot of the part of the opening sequence where Joel wipes a video tape label with his thumb)
Dr. Forrester: (off screen) See? (reading) "Sat 1". Good. Now, Saturday the 1st: the first day he died!
Dr. Forrester and Dr. Ehrhardt: (off screen) Brilliant!
Dr. Erhardt: (off screen) Absolutely, all right!
(Switch to a still store shot of "Next Sunday A.D.")
Dr. Erhardt: (off screen) Okay, next. Look: "Next Sunday A.D." A.D. ...After Death. He died on Saturday the 1st; Sunday the 2nd was the funeral.
(Switch back to Gizmonic Institute)
Dr. Forrester: Now, now... here, in the lyric in the soundtrack it says, "there was a guy named Joel"... not "is"... "was".
Dr. Erhardt: "Was". Done! Very nice! Very nice!
(Switch to a still store shot of Joel waving with a feather duster in his hand)
Dr. Erhardt: (off screen) Okay, here's my final one. Okay. Look in the opening segment here. He has really long hair. Nowhere else in the show does he have that kind of hair. You know what they say: hair keeps growing after death. Some Peter Tork too.
(Switch back to Gizmonic Institute)
Dr. Erhardt: ...Peter Tork. He looks like Peter Tork. He has long hair. The Monkees are kinda dead... You know what I'm... No one can... They're gonna love it.
Dr. Forrester: (disagreeing) No, I'm... I'm not buying that. I think that's reaching a little bit, Larry.
Dr. Erhardt: Okay. All right. It's for money. There's money involved.
Dr. Forrester: Oh, I understand. I think it's a good idea... Oh! Here's one. I took the liberty of retouching the cover of the Abbey Road album...
(Dr. Forrester holds up a record album cover. Cambot zooms in on the detail)

"I buried Joel"

Dr. Forrester: ...and you can see I put Joel's head where Paul is... you know, the whole "barefoot / cigarette" thing.
Dr. Erhardt: This is beautiful!
Dr. Forrester: Yep. Yeah...
Dr. Erhardt: Excellent work!
Dr. Forrester: Well, thank you. I used to do retouch work for The Enquirer.
Dr. Erhardt: Let's see what Weasely... let's see what Joel... (looking up) Joel! Joel... what do you think, Pal?
(Switch to the bridge of the Satellite of Love. Joel is there alone)
Joel: Well... it'll probably work but don't ya think it'll make ya feel bad inside?
(Switch back to Gizmonic Institute)
Dr. Forrester: "Feel bad inside"? (he pauses for reflection) We always feel bad inside!
Dr. Erhardt: We just write it off as gas!
Dr. Forrester: Besides, we need to raise 20 million for our new theme park: Six Flags Over 10 to the 12th Power!
(Switch back to SOL bridge)
Joel: I don't think I feel like participating in your little hoax.
(Switch back to Gizmonic Institute)
Dr. Forrester: Who asked you?!
Dr. Erhardt: Yeah! Last time I checked, the control switches were still here on Earth.
Dr. ForresteR: Anyway, it's a dinosaur film... and it's without Doug McClure. It's called "Legend of the Dinosaur".
(The Mads laugh evilly. Switch back to SOL bridge)
Joel: There's just one thing I wanna know: is it a Sandy Frank film?
(Switch back to Gizmonic Institute)
Dr. Forrester and Dr. Erhardt: Yes!
(Switch back to SOL bridge)
Joel: Well, you know what I say: never trust a man with 2 first names... especially if the first one is a woman's!
(Movie sign flashes)
Joel: Movie sign!
(Joel hits the button with his elbow)

1st Movie Segment

1st Commercial Break

2nd Movie Segment

(Joel, Tom and Crow leave the theater)

1st Host Segment

(Joel, Tom and Crow are on the SOL bridge)
Joel: Okay you guys, now remember the last sequence - how we made ourselves look huge by having small sets, right?
Crow: Yeah.
Tom: It was brilliant.
Joel: Well, thanks. But Cambot and I have rigged up something that'll make us look really small. Cambot, let's go!
(The tunnel doors open behind them and a giant-sized boy is seen. A giant hand grabs Joel and lifts him up)

Joel is a boy-toy!

Joel: Ow, no!
(Joel continues yelling throught the scene)
Crow: Oh my god!
Tom: Look out! He's got him! He's got him by the...
Joel: Do something!
Crow: Be careful!
Joel: Watch out, ahhhh!!!
(The giant boy pulls Joel back and the tunnel doors close)
Tom: Well, that cast sort of a dim shadow on the evening.
Crow: Hmm...
Tom: Was kind of a special effect, though.
Crow: Yeah. Only in the way that Bob Hope is "special".
Tom: We'll be right back.

2nd Commercial Break

3rd Movie Segment

3rd Commercial Break

4th Movie Segment

4th Commercial Break

2nd Host Segment

(Crow is on the bridge of the Satellite of Love, sweeping up. Canned applause sounds)
Crow: Boy, the Satellite of Love is a mess! We'd better get it clean before Joel comes. Oh, Servo!
(Tom enters. Canned applause)
Tom: Hi Crow. Hello, everybody! (chuckles) Oh, did I have a night! There are lots of beautiful babes, fanning and...
Crow: Don't make me ask: mango juice.
Tom: Yup, it was mango-mania! (chuckles)
(canned applause)
Crow: And then you woke up!
Tom: Whup! We'd better get this mess cleaned up or Joel is gonna be mad.
(Joel pops in)
Joel: Did somebody say my name?
(Canned applause)
Joel: Hey, boys! Boy, this place is a mess.
Crow: Yeah, and it's dirty too.
(Canned laughter)
Joel: Well, if I've learned anything about life, it's: no matter where you go in this crazy universe, you turn around and... there's your mom!
(canned laughter)
Tom: Good night! Good night, everybody!
(Joel pulls the 'Bots in closer, theme music plays while a circular black screen closes in, leaving the words "The End" on the screen amid canned applause)

Is this a premonition of Turkey Day?

Joel: (off screen) Okay Cambot, turn off the TV sitcom simulator.
(Return to normal shot of the SOL bridge)
Joel: That's right. (looking at the 'Bots) I thought that was pretty good.
Crow: Yeah, that was great! I felt just like Donna Reed.
Tom: (imitating Arnold Jackson) What you talkin' 'bout, Crow? (chuckles) I love that!
(Movie sign flashes)
Joel: Movie sign!
(Joel hits the button)

5th Movie Segment

5th Commercial Break

6th Movie Segment

6th Commercial Break

3rd Host Segment

(Joel, Tom and Crow are on the SOL bridge)
Joel: Now you guys, in this next sequence that we're gonna see in the Legend of the Dinosaur, there's gonna be some full-blown, no-holds-barred, back-door action dinosaur style!
Tom: (monotone) I'm all aquiver with anticipation, Joel.
Joel: Okay. Now, I wanna teach ya a little bit about how movie magic works. You see this Kentucky Fried Chicken? (picking up a scale model building) I took the liberty of putting a little styling mousse on the roof there. And this is what we call, "in scale". Now if the Kentucky Fried Chicken was really that size, we'd be huge, right?
Tom: Absolutely. I think I'd be like a water tower.
(Joel reaches down under the desk and pulls up a toy Tyrannosaurus Rex)
Tom: ...Crow looks like Underdog from the Macy's parade.
Crow: Oh, I don't like it. I'm afraid of heights! Uh, what if I fall off myself?!
Tom: Well, you know what they say: if you fall off yourself, you just gotta get back on!
Joel: Well anyway you guys, I built this dinosaur to breathe fire and I'll show you how it works. Okay, we turn him on.
(Joel turns a know and the sound of gas hissing begins)
Joel: Light him up!
(Joel ignites the gas with a cigarette lighter. A good amount of flames shoot out of the dinosaur's mouth)

That KFC is toast!

Tom: Whoa!
Crow: Wha-hoa!
Tom: Whoa, he's dangerous!
Crow: Whoa, mega-mouth! *hack* Oh!
(Joel turns the gas off)
Joel: He's got the worst breath of the morning!
[Crow: Yeah!
Tom: Chronic halitosis!
Crow: Hey, I got a question: a Tyrannosaurus Rex really didn't breathe fire, so this one isn't anatomically correct.
Tom: Oh, but he is!
(Movie sign flashes)
Joel: Movie sign!
(Joel hits the button)

7th Movie Segment

7th Commercial Break

8th Movie Segment

(Joel, Tom and Crow leave the theater)

Final Host Segment

(Joel, Tom and Crow are on the SOL bridge)
Joel: You remember we're going to tell everybody that we're going on hiatus now.
Tom: For the summer?
Joel: For the summer.
Crow: Wow.
Joel:What are you going to do for the summer, Crow?
Crow: Uh, I'm going to Space Camp.
Joel: "Space Camp", okay and Servo, what're you gonna do?
Tom: I'm going to fill my head with cocoa butter and surf till I drop.
Joel: Great. I'm gonna be working on my, uh, Bob Hope impression this summer. Wanna hear it?
Crow: Let's hear it!
Joel (imitating Bob Hope) Uh, yeah. I love the kids today. Love that Swedish hotcake, Elke Sommers. Boy, I don't wanna really complain about Exxon, but now I know why they call them "tankers".
(Crow laughs)
Tom: (chortles) Exxon's grasping now that all their stations have, "our gas contains no seawater" signs.
Crow: Yeah.
Tom: Regular, unleaded, or desalinated?
(All three laugh)
Joel: Anyway...
Crow: What a year, we went from Ollie North to oily north!
Tom: Whoa, ow! Ba-ba-boom, zing!
Joel: Thanks everybody who's been supporting the show. We really appreciate all the people in the fan club, and especially our friends here at TV23.
Tom: If you like the show, write in and tell the station.
Joel: Right. I think that oughta do it.
Crow: Yeah.
Joel: Bye everybody!
Crow: See ya!
Tom: Goodbye!
(The transmission ends)

Goodbye local TV. Hello cable!

End credits roll.

Mystery Science
Theater 3000

Created by
Joel Hodgson

Produced By
Jim Mallon

Written By
Joel Hodgson
Trace Beaulieu
Josh Weinstein
Jim Mallon
Kevin Murphy

Additional Writing
Brian Funk

Fan Club Coordinator
Alexandra Carr

Joel Hodgson

Puppet Operation and Voices
Josh Weinstein
Trace Beaulieu
Kevin Murphy

Mad Scientists
Josh Weinstein
Trace Beaulieu

Clayton James

Associate Producers
Kevin Murphy
Vince Rodriguez

MST 3000 Theme Music
Charlie Erickson
Joel Hodgson

Joel Hodgson
Josh Weinstein

Sung By
Joel and The Joels

Recorded At
Sing Sing Studios

Vince Rodriguez

Todd Ziegler

Kevin Murphy

Art Director
Joel Hodgson

Kevin Murphy

Production Assistant
Alexandra Carr

Color Consultant
Lisa Erickson

Hair Designs
Mr. Crow
of Beverly Hills

Special Guests
Ralph Smith
& Ralph's Mom

This program was produced
through the facilities of

Mystery Science Theater
3000 is a co-production of
Hair Brain Productions.

© 1989 KTMA &
Hair Brain Productions

Episode ends.