Schmidt and Nick are in Jess' room while she's getting ready. They are all
going to a wedding. Jess is going to pretend to be Nick's girlfriend, because
Nick's ex, Caroline, will be there, and they want Nick not to get caught up talking to
her as he isn't over her and it's unhealthy for him. Winston pokes his head in the door
and tells them to hurry up, and he is in the wedding as an usher and cannot be late.
Jess says she does the chicken dance different then most people, and demonstrates. Nick tells her
no dancing. Schmidt tells Jess not to be herself at the wedding. The guys are stunned by Jess when she comes
out of her closet wearing a nice dress...and reveals fake prop teeth and an awful accent.
They tell her no teeth.
The roommates all arrive at the wedding. Jess says she has little girls' bicycle shorts on under her dress
and they are very tight. Schmidt sees a girl he knows named Brooke and tells
Jess and Nick he wants to take her home tonight.
Winston is helping the wedding guests get seated. A young boy jumps in front of him
and "steals" a guest from him, then introduces himself as Jimmy, the "alternate usher."
Winston says the alternate isn't needed since he's there. Jimmy tells Winston he was late
and that he needs to learn commitment. Jimmy then steals another guest from Winston.
Schmidt, Nick, and Jess are getting drinks. Schmidt spots another girl he knows,
but is less than enthused. He explains that this girl, Gretchen, is a horrible
person and that they hate each other, yet end up having sex at every wedding they
both attend. Gretchen approaches, Nick and Jess excuse themselves. Gretchen asks Schmidt
if he's ready for tonight, he says they can't keep doing this.
Nick and Jess are sitting down, and he spots Caroline. Caroline sees them and comes
over to say hello. Nick introduces the girls, Jess purposely gets
Caroline's name wrong a few times, then announces herself as Nick's new girlfriend.
Caroline leaves, and Nick tells Jess she did good, and that Caroline appears to be jealous.
Schmidt is at the bar and sees Brooke. He offers to buy her a drink, and she tells him she's
been sober for six months. Schmidt attempts to impress her and lies and says
he is sober too. At that moment the bartender arrives with Schmidt's wine.
Schmidt yells at him and tells him he did not order that. Brooke excuses herself.
Schmidt tells the bartender to put vodka in a water bottle and meet him in
Nick and Jess are again approached by Caroline. Nick sends Jess away. Jess accidentally
walks into the bride and groom as they enter. Caroline asks Nick how serious he and Jess are, he explains that
they live together.
Schmidt has another encounter with Gretchen, she again tells him to be ready for that night, he wants no part
Schmidt goes and sits with Jess, tells her he does not want to have sex with
Gretchen anymore and that he deserves to go home with Brooke. Winston interrupts them
and points out that Nick is talking to Caroline. The guys tell Jess that
this is unhealthy for Nick and that he needs to stop talking to Caroline
for good. Jess goes to the dance floor and calls out to Nick, trying to get him to dance with her and thus
get away from Caroline. Caroline walks off. Nick tells Jess that it's ok, that she
did a great job, and that he thinks he has a chance with Caroline again. He leaves to follow Caroline. Jimmy the alternate usher
cuts in to dance with Jess. Jess refuses. Winston takes off his jacket, and he and Jimmy begin having a dance off.
Winston upstages him and Jimmy leaves in tears.
Schmidt approaches Brooke and starts a conversation. While they're talking, Jess yells loudly across
the room to him that she needs his help getting her shorts off. Schmidt tells Brooke that
Jess was a previous relationship, and is crazy and dangerous and that he shouldn't be around her.
Brooke offers to get him away from Jess, and says they'll leave as soon as she uses the restroom.
Nick and Caroline are in a photobooth taking pictures and laughing.
Brooke enters the ladies room to find Jess sitting on the sink holding a knife. Jess
cuts her shorts off. Still holding the knife, Jess tells Brooke not to break Schmidt's heart, or she'll have to deal with her.
Jess interrupts Nick and Caroline in the photobooth, still pretending to be Nick's girlfriend.
Caroline tells Jess nothing happened, and that she has a boyfriend. Nick is shocked. Caroline tells him she wasn't going
to say anything, but now that he has Jess, he should be ok with it. Caroline leaves. Schmidt arrives and asks Jess
what she did to Brooke, who has left because Jess "threatened her with a knife." He yells at Jess for
ruining things. Jess said she's happy with who she is.
Nick goes back into the photobooth. Schmidt is approached once more by Gretchen. She tells him that he
is going home with her, and leaves. He sighs.
Nick is very drunk and begins talking, rambling, and then yelling loudly into the wedding photographer's
videocamera. He goes back into the photobooth.
Winston sits down with Jess at their table. He tells her that they guys
are happy she's around, even if all of them don't show it sometimes. Schmidt
comes over and tells them they have a problem.
Nick is in the photobooth and refuses to leave. They go to get him. Nick apologizes to Jess.
Jess gets in the photobooth with him. She tells him that he needs to let Caroline go and stop being her backup plan. Nick gets out of the booth.
Nick goes to Caroline and tells her he needs to let her go for good, and says goodbye and good luck. They hug, and he leaves. Nick asks Jess to dance
and they begin doing a slow motion version of Jess' chicken dance. Schmidt and Winston get up and join in.
Schmidt has ended up in bed with Gretchen.
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