Gus: To be honest, I'm burnt. I just wanna take a nap.
Shawn: Couldn't agree with you more, buddy. I think we should lay low for a bit. No more cases.
Gus: Oh, I'm so glad to hear you say that. I was kind of worried about telling you.
Shawn: Don't be a silly goose. Now, we've had a good talk, I think we both felt it, and look at this. Here we are.
Gus: What is this, Shawn?
Shawn: OK, here's the thing. The police may have found a body...which I may have picked up on my police scanner, which...I may have brought with me.
Shawn: (shouts to McNab) McNab! Nabby! (to Gus) Buzz.
Gus: Buzz, seriously?
Shawn: It's his first name. Don't you ever talk to him?
Gus: Why would I talk to anybody named Buzz?
Gus: OK, there's a dead guy. Can we go now?
Shawn: Relax, we just got here. Have some mee krob.
Gus: How do you just eat when there's a dead guy laying there?
Shawn: What, is that rude? Am I supposed to share?
(forensics investigator opens a kitchen cabinet)
Shawn: Oh, that's it!
Gus: What? What do you see?
Shawn: Red pepper flakes.
Gus: Is that a clue or something?
Shawn: No, it's a delicious spice, and it's exactly what my mee krob needs. I told you this.
Lassiter: What in the name of sweet justice are you two doing in my crime scene?
Shawn: Your crime scene? That's funny. I didn't see your name on it anywhere.
Lassiter: There is no crime. There are no witnesses.
Shawn: You're wrong. There is a witness. There's a cat. I wanna talk to that cat...as soon as he's finished licking himself. (Shawn continues to watch the cat lick itself) Wow, I'm jealous.
Shawn: This cat here is a gift, a conduit for us to save lives. And he has more integrity in his furry little hand—
Shawn: Paw, than most people have in their whole appendages...(pauses to think) Appendages...
Shawn: All of. Most people have in all of their appendages...combined.
Gus: A few suicides is not uncommon.
Shawn: Gus, did you look at the sky today? Blue, clear. And did you feel it out there? Warm, nice. Statistically, people in mild climates are far less likely to kill themselves. Now, if we were in Vladivostok...we could talk.
Shawn: (dejectedly) You're probably right.
Gus: I know I'm right.
Shawn: It's probably a suicide.
Gus: Thank you. That was big of you to admit.
Shawn: I'm just, I'm unclear on one little thing.
Gus: What's that?
Shawn: (pulls out police scanner) How do we explain the second body they just found?
Juliet: We're waiting for forensics to confirm, but it appears to be a suicide, carbon monoxide poisoning, asphyxiation.
Shawn: (holding the cat) Oh, I'm afraid the cat doesn't think so.
Shawn: (in response to the cat's meow) That is very thoughtful. I'll tell him. (to Lassiter) He says the fact that you take three creams and four sugars in your coffee? Dangerous.
Juliet: Is that true? Do you really take three creams and four sugars?
Lassiter: So what?
Shawn: So what? Carly, that is a heart attack waiting to happen. You're still a young man.
Juliet: That was amazing! How did you do that?
Lassiter: It was a lucky guess.
Shawn: Don't you get tired of saying that?
(Shawn sees the recent victim's picture in the newspaper)
Shawn: Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, look at this!
Gus: What? "70% off all storm doors and window panes. Everything must go"?
Shawn: Gus, flip it over.
Lassiter: Spencer, get off my lap.
(Shawn and Gus are pretending to be interested in renting the apartment)
Wes: How do you guys know each other?
Gus: We're partners.
Gus: (realizing what he said) Oh, no, no, no.
Wes: No, it's fine. Really, I'm totally fine.
Gus: No, we're partners in a private—
Shawn: Relationship. Believe it. It's been a while. We finish each other's sentences.
(continuing to look around Wes' apartment)
Shawn: Ooh, Gus. Good news. Shower for two.
Terrance: I'm Terrance. I run the line here.
Shawn: Terrance, hello. I am Shawn Spencer. This is my partner Gus "Silly Pants" Jackson.
(Shawn hangs a poster on the wall)
Gus: What are you doing?
Shawn: I am trying to create a pleasant work environment. I can tell, by looking at your little area, that you don't care.
Gus: Why don't you call him?
Shawn: Gus, please be serious for one second. No one's gonna believe that I'm depressed. Come on.
Gus: I've got an idea. Why don't you have the cat make the call. He's like your new partner, right?
Shawn: Wait exactly two seconds, and then make the call.
Gus: I have no idea what I'd even say.
Shawn: (sighs) Here's a good opener. "Hello, my name is Gus. I have a deep-seated jealousy for a tiny little boy cat."
(Gus calls in to the help line, pretending to be a real caller)
Rory: I just wanna say this, like, right off the bat. Suicide is not the answer.
Gus: Who said anything about suicide? I just said maybe I should find a new hobby, like coin collecting or something at the beach. I like water activities.
Rory: Like drowning?
Gus: Was he trying to help me, 'cause I feel really creeped out right now.
Shawn: Dude, he put you on the creepy train headed for creep island where the natives drink creep nectar out of creepy coconut shells—
Gus: Shawn, it's horrible.
Gus: You are my only non-work friend. There's gotta be something wrong with that.
Shawn: Hey, hey, hey, what is this?
Shawn: (pointing to the poster) Hang in there.
Lassiter: That was adequate, Spencer.
Shawn: Don't thank me. Thank the little boy cat.
Gus: Maybe pharmaceutical sales can be sort of sexy.
Shawn: There are times I have to stand a few feet away because you're literally sizzling.
(Gus empties the Fruity Puffs cereal box into his bowl)
Gus: Where the hell is my prize? Where's my ring, Shawn?
Shawn: Easy now.
Gus: No, no, I timed the bowls out perfectly, Shawn. Me, then you, then me, then you, then I get the prize.
Shawn: So, what happened to "not sweating the small stuff, life's too short," all that?
Gus: Did you open the bottom of the box?
Shawn: (revealing the ring on his pinkie) Now, why would I do something like that?
Gus: You know I would kill for that ring, don't you?
Shawn: (looking at the ring) Uh, you're upsetting me. You just changed my mood from an orangey-yellow to a muddy brown. You need to say something sweet. Quick.
(Gus angrily sticks his finger in Shawn's cereal bowl and walks away)
Shawn: Gus! That's...so childish and... (slides Gus' bowl in front of him) I'm gonna eat yours!