Episode Quotes
Lassiter: Unlike everyone else around here, I'm not fooled by the fact that you wear grownup clothes and mastered the rudimentary levels of communication and somehow manage to feed yourselves. I see you for what you are—children. So do me a favor, and let the grownups do their work.
Shawn: (points to his elbow, childishly) I think I have a boo-boo.
Lassiter: I received an invitation to give a presentation at 21LES.
(Shawn and Gus look at each other in confusion)
Lassiter: 21st Century Law Enforcement Seminar...
Shawn: Oh, yes. We know that better as "21 St. Cent LES."
Gus: I like to call it "21 Cen Law Enfo Semin."
Lassiter: Go ahead. Make jokes. (walks away)
Shawn: (to Gus) But we just did...
Lassiter: Just rappin' with the fellas, shooting the breeze.
Shawn: Sweet, now they'll just think it's 1974.
Shawn: (to Lassiter) I, for one, am greatly offended.
Gus: And I, for two.
Shawn: (to Lassiter) Something happened at that restaurant that led to your car being stolen. I'm sensing...red coats and...accents.
Gus: The British.
Shawn: (in a British accent) No.
Lassiter: If word of this little incident gets out at the station, I will start making things very difficult for you down there.
Shawn: You're saying you haven't even been trying? All this time?
Shawn: (about Lassiter) He's not gonna get anywhere talking to those valets. They have a very strict code.
Gus: I still think you're thinking about the British.
Shawn: I may have to roll my sleeves up for this one, Gus. (pauses as a pretty girl catches his eye) Actually, I may have to take off my entire shirt.
Gus: Please don't.
Gus: (about the warehouse) You staked it out, right? I know you staked it out.
Shawn: Oh, it got staked. Stook. (pauses) Staken? Staked, right?
(Gus and Shawn mutter self-assurances)
Shawn: It got staked.
Shawn: (theatrically) Victims, I see victims everywhere. It's horrible! Sawed-off parts strewn about! Fluid spraying in every direction!
Karen: Oh, dear God!
Juliet: Are we talking about a serial killer?
Shawn: I can see the victims' names. Accord, look out!
Gus: Get outta there!
Shawn: Escalade, don't let him in the door! (affectedly heartbroken) Oh, Camry, you were too young to go...
Juliet: Are we talking about cars?
Shawn: (having a "vision") I'm getting "chopsticks"! Chopped salad?
Gus: What?
Shawn: Chop suey!
Gus: Good God!
Shawn: Wheelie and the Chopper Bunch? (calmly to Lassiter) Does that mean anything to you—Wheelie and the Chopper Bunch.
Shawn: No need to thank me, Chief. Just glad to help.
Karen: Oh. (she extends her hand to Gus)
Shawn: Don't thank him either.
Karen: Well, if I can't thank you, I can't pay you.
(they smile and shake her hand)
Gus: Our pleasure!
Shawn: Oh, you're very welcome. You are.
(Karen holds the police report about the thieving mechanics, valets, and car wash attendants)
Gus: Does it say anything in there about them stealing loose change or switching the presets on radios? 'Cause that happens to me all the time.
Shawn: (laughing) OK, Gus. Go ahead and put your aluminum foil hat back on.
Gus: I'm not paranoid, Shawn. It happens.
Shawn: Did we park on the east side or the west side of the street?
Gus: North side.
Shawn: No, no, no, it wasn't the north side.
Gus: Yes, it was. I know, Shawn. I'm good with directions. You're not.
Shawn: Gus, you have the bearings of a wounded bumblebee.
Gus: I have to get a deep-tissue massage to work out all the knots in my back. I call the big one "Little Shawn." (laughs)
Shawn: OK, that's the creepiest thing anyone's ever said to me.
(Lassiter looks at the PowerPoint slides Juliet prepared)
Lassiter: Oh, you're right. Helvetica is a much better font.
Juliet: I know! See how the "M" in "double-murder suicide" just jumps off the page?
Shawn: I visited Wally...in prison.
Gus: You went to the pen?
Shawn: I went to the joint.
Gus: You went to the clink?
Gus: Sittin' here listening to you right now? Little Shawn just got bigger.
Shawn: I beg your pardon?
Shawn: What time are you seeing that blind chick?
Gus: Gloria can't see me.
Shawn: (scoffs) Dude, I know how being blind works.
Gus: I mean she's booked, Shawn.
Shawn: (to Gus about his masseur) Dude, that dude's shoulders looked like two little baby heads.
Shawn: You're not naked under there, are you?
Gus: (wearing a spa robe) Naked and unashamed.
Shawn: Sonny was a cuckoo bird. Clearly he was cuckoo for something.
Karen: Cocoa Puffs?
Shawn: Exactly!
Gus: I always thought it was Cuckoo Puffs.
Shawn: No, Sonny is cuckoo for the puffs which are cocoa. That's why the milk turns all brown and chocolatey.
Gus: Oh... I was never allowed to eat that stuff when I was a kid. That's why I don't have any cavities.
Karen: And you better not be wasting department time, Mr. Spencer, 'cause if you are, we'll be using these new vests on you.
Lassiter: That's a great idea.
Karen: Thank you.
Lassiter: Because that way, it's a plus for me whether they work or fail.
(Shawn purposely rips out some wires from under the car radio)
Shawn: Uh-oh, looks like something's wrong with your in-dash DVD navigation integrated surround sound system.
Gus: That was my speedometer! Now I can't see how fast I'm going!
Gus: What are we looking for anyway?
Shawn: Anything that points to criminal activity—you know, a white cloth sack with a green dollar sign. A red barrel labeled "TNT." An anvil! Anything.
Gus: (holding up a car rim) Check this out.
Shawn: Wait, you already have something? The point of those examples was to imply it wouldn't be so obvious.
Shawn: (referring to a car) It's Bessie the Mustang! (laughs) She's a female mustang. That doesn't make any sense. Technically that would make her a...what?
Gus: That would be a filly.
Shawn: A filly, everyone. Bessie is technically a filly.
Gus: Yeah, we'd like to schedule a couple of massages with Gloria.
Spa Assistant: I'm sorry, but Gloria's still booked. The only slot she has available is a couple's session.
(Shawn and Gus speak together)
Shawn: That's fine.
Gus: No.
(Shawn looks at Gus)
Shawn: (to the spa assistant) I mean, no way.
Cultural References
Shawn: (talking to Gus on the phone) I don't know if it looks like the warehouse from Blue City, Gus. You're the only one that remembers that movie. What are you, insane? Way more people saw From the Hip than Blue C—Look, I'm not gonna talk Judd Nelson right now!
Blue City is a 1986 film starring Judd Nelson that IMDb doesn't have a plot summary for. Judd Nelson also stars in the 1987 comedy From the Hip. He plays Robin Weathers, an apprentice lawyer.
Shawn: (shouting) Wheelie and the Chopper Bunch? (calmly to Lassiter) Does that mean anything to you—Wheelie and the Chopper Bunch.
Wheelie and the Chopper Bunch is a '70s Hanna-Barbera cartoon about a Volkswagen Beetle named Wheelie, his girlfriend, and a motorcycle gang led by Chopper.
Shawn: I see a warehouse...and cargo containers...and a street sign! And a little mouse named Algernon in a maze.
Juliet: Flower Street!
Flowers for Algernon, a novel by Daniel Keyes, is the story of a mentally-handicapped man named Charlie who receives intelligence-enhancing treatment. A mouse named Algernon has already undergone treatment, and when Algernon's intelligence starts to decline, Charlie realizes he will soon reach the same demise and return to his previous mental state.
Shawn: What is it with you and the blind? I remember you went crazy for that blind sculptor that did your bust.
Gus: That was Lionel Richie in the video for "Hello."
Lionel Richie is a singer-songwriter. The video for his 1984 single "Hello" shows a young blind woman creating a sculpture of Richie's bust.
Gus: I can't believe you spent all our money for the chop shop case on this. What, you couldn't find any magic beans?
Shawn: A Jack and the Beanstalk reference? Really?
In the story Jack and the Beanstalk, Jack is sent to sell the family's last cow. Before he reaches his destination, he meets a man who offers him three magic beans in exchange for the cow. He accepts, but his family is not pleased by his absurd decision. They toss out the beans, which grow into an enormous beanstalk.
Shawn: Look, after we figure out what's going on with Johnny G's shop and solve the case, we'll get another check.
Gus: And you wanna know what we're going to do with that?
Shawn: Party like it's 1999?
Gus: No, we're going to-
Shawn: Party?
Gus: Shawn-
Shawn: Karamu?
Gus: No!
Shawn: Fiesta?
References two songs, "1999" by Prince, and "All Night Long" by Lionel Richie. The chorus to "1999" features the lyrics "tonight I'm gonna party like it's 1999." The bridge/pre-chorus to "All Night Long" features the lyrics "we're going to, party, karamu, fiesta, forever."
Shawn: Sonny was a cuckoo bird. Clearly he was cuckoo for something.
Karen: Cocoa Puffs?
Sonny, a cuckoo bird, is the mascot for the chocolate-flavored cereal Cocoa Puffs. His catchphrase is, "I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!"
Gus: (holding up a car rim) Look how light it is.
Shawn: Awesome. Flavor Flav can wear it around his neck.
Gus: Flav wears clocks, not rims, Shawn.
Flavor Flav is a rapper who is mostly associated with the hip-hop group Public Enemy. He is well-known for wearing wall clocks as necklaces.
Student #1: (to Lassiter) Um... I thought you were gonna show us some new law enforcement techniques. We've seen all these things on CSI.
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation is a television show about forensic scientists. Many of the devices used by the cast are technologically advanced pieces of equipment.
Shawn: I'm getting Michael Douglas. Catherine Zeta-Jones. The always under-appreciated Don Cheadle.
Gus: You know that's right.
Student #1: Traffic.
(Shawn gasps and picks up a gun)
Shawn: Say hello to my little friend!
Student #2: Uh, Scarface!
Student #1: All movies about drugs!
Traffic is a 2000 film about illegal drug trade. Michael Douglas is a judge who becomes head of the President's Office of National Drug Control. Catherine Zeta-Jones plays the wife of a drug lord. Don Cheadle is part of an undercover investigation to catch drug dealers.
Scarface is a 1983 film starring Al Pacino as gangster Tony Montana. Along with his best friend, Tony builds a drug empire in Miami and eventually becomes the head of a cocaine cartel. One of the most quoted lines from this movie is Pacino's line, "Say hello to my little friend," shouted before he shoots down a door that's surrounded by a team sent to kill him.