Gus: Jimmy Nickels called us? From where? Prison?
Shawn: I don't think so. It didn't sound like it. What does prison sound like? Is there singing?
Gus: (to Shawn about Jimmy) Some people are just born evil—the kid from The Omen, the children of the corn. Chad Michael Murray.
Gus: Why is Jimmy Nickels coming here, Shawn? How big is he now?
Shawn: I don't know!
Gus: Why couldn't you be a real psychic?
(Gus grabs a bat, frightened by Jimmy knocking at the door)
Shawn: Great, you can terrify him with your Wally Joyner mini-bat.
Gus: Open the door!
(Shawn opens the door nervously to reveal a short man)
Jimmy: What up, boys?
Shawn: (whispering to Gus) That's a good call with the mini-bat.
Shawn: Way not to be scared, flincher.
Gus: I didn't flinch. You know I have a caffeine tic.
Gus: Are you crazy?
Shawn: I wouldn't say crazy. Maybe an eccentric who looks good in jeans.
Shawn: (whinnies to the horse to communicate with it) He doesn't like the oats or the alfalfa pellets. They're too chewy for pellets. Pellets should be crunchy. They should have a natural crunch to them. (whinnies again) Also, the donkey in stable 11 is a pathological liar.
Gus: (to Shawn about the horse) I'll tell you what he's thinking. He's thinking, "I hate Jimmy. He pulled my shorts down in front of Jenny Scarlatos in the cafeteria." Hmm?
Shawn: You channeling the horse or a little boy with a tight fade who used to wear his O.P.s without a drawstring?
Gus: The horse, Shawn. I didn't have a tight fade in the third grade.
Phil: Hey, Henry tell you for twenty years I been handicapping horses?
Shawn: That seems so very cruel.
Shawn: So, a jockey who was alive at the beginning of the race is dead by the end. Not to sound insensitive, but I say we do have a case.
Gus: That sounds insensitive.
Shawn: Yeah, I know.
Young Shawn: Is that what my hair looks like in the future?
Shawn: It sure is.
Young Shawn: But I thought I'd be bald by twenty. This changes everything.
Shawn: What about your Teen Wolf theory?
Gus: Hey, that's just a fact. If any of us were in high school and some dude became a wolf, we wouldn't be cool with him just because he could dunk a basketball. I certainly wouldn't be selling "I Heart Wolf" t-shirts. I could tell you that.
Shawn: Oh, save it for your podcast.
Gus: Why is it closing down?
Barry: Well, no one comes anymore.
Shawn: Is it because of his shirt? Sorry, Dad. This is, like, a genocide of color. Somewhere a rainbow's weeping.
Shawn: (about Jimmy) I think he looks like a tangelo in that outfit. Or maybe a clementine with seeds full of hate.
Gus: I think he looks like an evil little Creamsicle.
Shawn: (laughs) You mean Dreamsicle.
Gus: No, Shawn, Creamsicle. They're exclusively orange.
Gus: First of all, you know I had shin splints, a torn meniscus, and a plantar's wart.
Shawn: Gus, you copied those terms from the glossary of our health textbook. You have no idea what they mean!
Gus: Ask my doctor. I had a ruptured patella, too, but I wasn't gonna say anything.
Shawn: (doing a fake announcement) For the owner of a red IROC-Z in lot three—kindly return your comb to the back pocket of your acid-wash Z. Cavariccis. And turn off your headlights.
Gus: Yeah, I saw a special on the History Channel about the, the Choctaw Indians.
Shawn: Ah, yes, the Chaka Indians, longstanding rivals of the Sleestak cowboys.
Barry: It's pronounced "choe-koe."
Shawn: Gave us the Chocodile, amongst other things.
Shawn: (wearing one of Henry's shirts) A little girl outside just started crying when she saw this shirt.
(Shawn sits in front of a model of a classroom)
Shawn: The walls were sandbar white to suppress all creative thought and hide the asbestos.
Gus: The walls of what?
Shawn: Miss Lepky's classroom.
Gus: Why is my name on the detention list?
Shawn: You got caught eating a Kit-Kat out of the trash can.
Shawn: It's the announcer. He sounds surprised—(whinnying) "neigh," shocked.
Shawn: Everybody hold your horses!
(a jockey bends over to pet his horse)
Shawn: I meant metaphorically, but I like the love.
Shawn: And what are the Choco Indians known for? Besides Chocodiles.
Gus: For using blowguns to kill animals with darts dipped in poison.
Shawn: Gus shoots and scores. With an assist from Wikipedia.
Shawn: (to Gus) Dude, I broke up a highly intricate race-fixing syndicate while wearing a shirt designed by a monkey coming off a three-day sugar binge.
Gus: That's why my friends in school used to call me "The G."
Shawn: (chuckles) That's funny. I thought they called you "Big Head Burton."
Gus: Don't you ever say that name. I know it was you that started that.
Shawn: I'm sorry, Gus. I have a knack for alliteration. I'm a slave to it. Besides, how many words start with "B," really?
Gus: About a thousand. How about bold? Black? Beautiful?
Shawn: Who's gonna call you "Black Burton"?
Shawn: I have troubling news
Gus: You forgot to TiVo America's Next Top Model, didn't you?
America's Next Top Model is a reality competition hosted by Tyra Banks. Models compete against each other in various photoshoot competitions until only one is left standing.
Gus: Some people are just born evil—the kid from The Omen, the children of the corn. Chad Michael Murray.
The young boy, Damien, in the horror film The Omen is the Antichrist. Children of the Corn is a story by Stephen King. Two people on a road trip come across a group of children who murdered everyone in their town. Chad Michael Murray is an actor most well-known for his starring role of Lucas on the drama One Tree Hill.
Gus: Why couldn't I be Crockett?
Shawn: Because, Gus. You stood in front of the entire third grade class and said, "When I grow up, I wanna be Philip Michael Thomas."
James Crockett, played by Don Johnson, and Ricardo Tubbs, played by Philip Michael Thomas, are the two main characters from the TV show Miami Vice.
Shawn: Dude, CHiPs was gonna come on in, like, twenty minutes. What was I supposed to do?
CHiPs is a television show about the California Highway Patrol. It starred Erik Estrada as Ponch and Larry Wilcox as Officer Jon Baker.
Shawn: Look, after Jimmy got kicked out of school, there were all these stories about what happened to him. He ran away from home. He got thrown in juvenile hall. Moved to a small town in Kansas where they outlawed singing and dancing.
Gus: That last one is Footloose.
Shawn: That's a coincidence.
Footloose is an '80s film starring Kevin Bacon as teenager Ren McCormick who moves from Chicago to a town where music and dancing have been banned.
Henry: Something that takes patience and follow-through, which you lack.
Shawn: Yes. That and a shirt from Mr. Furley's closet.
Ralph Furley is a character from the '70s sitcom Three's Company. Played by Don Knotts, Mr. Furley is the landlord of the apartment building where the show's three main characters live. His clothing was somewhat odd and very "seventies."
Shawn: (to Gus) Thank you, Dr. Pratt.
Dr. Gregory Pratt is a character from the TV medical drama ER. He is played by Mekhi Phifer.
Shawn: I'm getting something. A rose with, with, with a thorn. No, a rocket. Rikki Rockett. C.C. DeVille.
Gus: David Lee Roth?
Shawn: Wrong band.
Poison is a hard rock band that started its career in the '80s. One of the band's biggest hits was "Every Rose Has Its Thorn." Rikki Rockett is the drummer and C.C. DeVille is the lead guitarist. David Lee Roth is a rock musician mostly associated with the band Van Halen.
Shawn: I see a tall, blonde woman.
Gus: Brigitte Nielsen?
Brigitte Nielsen is a Danish actress who stands over six feet tall. One of her more recent appearances was on the VH1 reality series The Surreal Life.
Shawn: What about your Teen Wolf theory?
Teen Wolf is an '80s film about high school student Scott Howard, played by Michael J. Fox. Like his father, Scott is a werewolf, which works to his advantage. With the help of this abnormality, the basketball team improves heavily and he gains popularity.
Shawn: Ah, yes, the Chaka Indianas, long-standing rivals of the Sleestak cowboys.
These are both references to the '70s TV series Land of the Lost. The show is about a family who gets trapped in another dimension. They must survive in this strange world while trying to find the way back to their own world. They come across dinosaurs and other creatures, such as Sleestaks and Pakuni. Cha-Ka is a Pakuni whom the family befriends.
Shawn: Gus is 1/16 robot, and not the evil, take-over-the-world from I, Robot kind.
I, Robot is a futuristic film about the threat of robots to humanity. It's the year 2035, and Del Spooner, played by Will Smith, is the only person who is wary of the robots that live and work alongside humans. It is based on the book by Isaac Asimov, a collection of science fiction short stories.