Shawn: You know I went to two comic book stores and three women's volleyball games looking for you? Luckily, your phone has GPS.
Gus: You tracked me?
Shawn: Yes, I did, with a little help from my friends at your wireless service provider. By the way, they might be calling. They think you're a fugitive for justice. Run with it.
Gus: I told her I was working part time at a psychic detective agency. She must have misunderstood because now everybody on my mom's side of the family thinks that I'm a psychic detective and that you're...
Shawn: (about Gus) He's a psychic wildebeest!
Mrs. Wagner: It wasn't easy being married to a food critic. He rated everything I did.
Shawn: Surely he couldn't have rated everything. (smiles suggestively)
Mrs. Wagner: (nods) I never broke two stars.
Shawn: Well, that's...awfully harsh.
Shawn: All right, check it out. (dumps a bag of suckers on the table) I went to Candy Emporium...this time for research.
Shawn: (about the food critic) His tongue was coated black. Now, what else could possibly cause something like that?
Gus: Bismuth subsalicylate.
Shawn: That dude who used to play for the Mavericks?
Uncle Burton: Shawn, this place is a sty. Maybe you oughta tidy up once in a while, huh? Or did you forget that you're the assistant?
Shawn: You are absolutely right, sir. The person who's not the psychic detective should be in charge of all the cleaning. It just makes sense.
Shawn: If it wasn't for his psychic talents, I'd have to get some lame job at a pharmaceutical company or something.
Gus: (defensively) That happens to be a very exciting industry, Shawn.
Gus: Why did you write on my hand?
Shawn: Why would I write on my own hand? This thing is totally permanent.
Shawn: We're from the health department, here for a surprise inspection.
Chef Antonio: Again? We just had the surprise inspection, few days ago. Why, is there a problem?
Shawn: Yes, you weren't surprised enough.
Uncle Burton: I wanna thank you for an incredible day, Burton. You're a regular Rockford Files. (leaves)
Gus: Did my uncle just thank me for an incredible day?
Shawn: More important question: How much TV does he watch?
Gus: I'm serious, Shawn. My cousin took him to the Superbowl on a helicopter, and he never even thanked him for that.
Shawn: I'm serious, too. He's like this crazy tank-shaped encyclopedia of detective shows. I bet he even saw Manimal.
Gus: Maybe we should find out if anyone else hated him, see who else may have had a motive.
(Shawn shushes Gus)
Shawn: (whispering) You're gonna start a crime-fighting revolution with talk like that. (walks away)
Gus: Shawn, you say stuff like that all the time!
Gus: Call the restaurants, and make a reservation. For justice.
Shawn: Is "justice" the time or the number of people in our party?
Gus: (about horoscopes Shawn wrote) Yours are all way too specific.
Shawn: I wrote them with specific people in mind.
(cut to Juliet reading to Lassiter from the paper)
Juliet: "Aries: Calcium is especially important to you right now, Mr. Salt-and-Pepper-Hair-with-a-Maroon-Car. There may also be a promotion in your future. Try walking backwards through doorways for good luck."
Shawn: Let's say we were looking for the death cap, around here. Uh, where would we find it?
Mooney: Well, I know a few places in the hills. Why do you ask?
Shawn: Why do you ask why do I ask?
(they all laugh)
Mooney: (seriously) Why do you ask why do I ask why do you ask?
Shawn: Why do you ask why do I ask why do you ask wh—
Mooney: (about the guy who came asking about death caps) I remember exactly what he looked like.
Gus: Can you give us a description?
Mooney: Yeah, OK, man. The guy was about nine feet tall, right? He had sunshine coming out of his mouth, and he had a hippopotamus for a hand.
Gus: I don't think I have anymore questions.
Shawn: Don't be such a gloomy you, Gus.
Henry: Then I assume you know all about the veggie burger incident.
Shawn: (scoffs) Of course we know about the "veggie burger incident," Dad. We're professional detectives. (pauses) Gus.
Gus: Googling it.
Shawn: There you have it. You can sign it any way you want.
Gus: I'm not signing that, Shawn.
Shawn: Dude, you can sign anything you want. He said.
(Gus walks away)
Shawn: You could sign it "Don Cheadle"!
Visual: "Cook Em Dano!"
The apron that young Gus wears has this written on it. This is a catchphrase from the TV show Hawaii Five-O, spoken by Steven McGarrett to police officer Danny Williams.
Henry: (to young Shawn) Trying to get ungrounded before RoboCop comes out on Friday?
RoboCop is a science-fiction movie that came out in 1987. After Police Officer Alex J. Murphy is wounded, he returns to the force as a cyborg, RoboCop.
Uncle Burton: (to McNab) And don't give me any of that fancy police talk, please. I've seen enough Hill Street Blues to know what's what.
Hill Street Blues is an '80s police drama. It was unique for its time in that its overall look appeared to be a documentary and its script seemed very real.
Shawn: (to Gus) That dude who used to play for the Mavericks?
Shawn is referring to the Dallas Mavericks, the NBA basketball team.
Uncle Burton: (to Gus) You think Diagnosis: Murder ever let family get in the way of his work?
Diagnosis: Murder is a '90s television show that incorporated medicine and crime. It starred Dick Van Dyke as Dr. Mark Sloan, Chief of Medicine and medical consultant to the LAPD.
Uncle Burton: I wanna thank you for an incredible day, Burton. You're a regular Rockford Files.
The Rockford Files is a '70s mystery show that centered around James Scott Rockford, played by James Garner. Rockford was previously wrongly convicted of a crime and served time in prison. Having been released, he began work as a private eye.
Shawn: (about Uncle Burton) He's like this crazy tank-shaped encyclopedia of detective shows. I bet he even saw Manimal.
Manimal is a very short-lived television show from the '80s. It was about Jonathan Chase, a man who fought crime using his ability to transform into an animal as an advantage.
Shawn: I also have an idea for a cross-over strip where Dilbert finally meets Marmaduke.
Dilbert and Marmaduke are two characters from their eponymous comic strips. Dilbert's comic strip focuses on the goings-on in the office where he works, while Marmaduke's focuses on his interactions as an over-sized Great Dane with his family.
Uncle Burton: Matlock never ate this good.
Defense Attorney Ben Matlock is the main character in the legal drama Matlock. His food of choice was most often hot dogs.
Uncle Burton: What I'm trying to say is, it was Murder She Wrote, not Murder They Wrote.
Murder She Wrote is television's longest-running mystery series. It starred Angela Lansbury as Jessica Fletcher, mystery writer and detective.
Shawn: (to Nick) The first thing you needed was a fall guy. Unfortunately, Lee Majors wasn't available.
The Fall Guy is an '80s television show that starred Lee Majors as Colt Seavers, a Hollywood stunt man who also works as a bounty hunter.
Shawn: You could sign it "Don Cheadle"!
Don Cheadle is an actor who has appeared in numerous films and television shows.