(Shawn tells Gus about some possible clients and their case)
Shawn: They want us to look into the serious matter of...well, that actually wasn't in the e-mail.
Gus: So how do you know it's real?
Shawn: They used all caps, Gus.
Shawn: The meeting's at two. We'd better hurry.
Gus: (checking his watch) It's 2:18!
Shawn: (accusatorily) Well, somebody had to to have the Belgian chocolate fondue, didn't they?
Gus: That was you, Shawn.
Shawn: Well played, sir.
Gus: I was a king in high school.
Shawn: Just because you carried a scepter doesn't make you a king.
Gus: That's because I was in Macbeth.
Shawn: Dude, you played Banquo's kid.
Juliet: Guess what today is.
Lassiter: Ugh, it's not one of those touchy-feely holidays invented by card companies to goad me into buying a present for someone I couldn't care less about, is it?
Shawn: Clearly, we have to get inside. What's our cover gonna be? Wait, I've got it. (points to Gus) You're the preppy jerk who's dating the girl I'm in love with. I'm the lonely cafeteria guy who mows lawns and has a heart of gold.
Gus: Let it go, Shawn. You can't pass for a teenager.
(Shawn sees a bunch of kids sitting and reading independently)
Shawn: What is this, like, a study hall?
Headmaster: Oh, no. Recess.
Juliet: Hi, SBPD. Can I please get the class schedules for these students? Thank you.
Lassiter: Lesson number three: Don't say "please," don't say "thank you," and definitely don't say "hi." Spirit Squad auditions were over ten years ago. You're an authority figure. Act like it.
Juliet: Ever heard, "You catch more flies with honey"?
Lassiter: Lesson number four: Don't quote cornpone country-bumpkin sayings to your commanding officer.
Juliet: How many lessons are there?
Shawn: (sees Lassiter and gasps) It's a miracle!
Gus: Thank God you're all right!
Shawn: We heard a cop named Lassie died. Jules, tell me you got the flowers.
Lassiter: Lassie III was a retired police dog.
Gus: From the obit, it's amazing what you two had in common—strong, dedicated, loyal.
Shawn: Bouts with ringworm, expressive eyes, goes like this after he poops. (theatrically wipes his feet on the ground)
(Shawn sees a pin with the integral symbol and xy written on it)
Shawn: S-X-Y. Apparently, our perp is so sexy, he felt the need to die-cast it onto steel and wear it on his lapel.
Gus: We're new here, and we were told to see a math teacher specializing in calculus.
Riley: Professor Hahn handles all remedial math.
Shawn: Yeah, that qualifies as remedial. What's calculus, the one with the blocks and the shapes?
Shockley: Don't show any fear.
Goddard: Don't split any infinitives.
Shockley: Don't dangle your participles.
Gus: At least not in public.
Shawn: Look, if I understood what you guys are saying...I'd still be a virgin.
Shawn: (to a class of students) I'm Professor Shawn Spencer. I will be your psychic ferryman over the River Styx. That's Gus, my ferry.
Gus: Just look at this class. You're all a bunch of dudes.
(three students raise their hands)
Student: Um, we're girls.
Shawn: That's awkward.
(Shawn opens an old, dusty filing cabinet drawer and coughs)
Gus: What are you doing?
Shawn: Getting the plague apparently.
Juliet: Oh, I've got something—Kirk Go-del.
Shawn: (correcting her pronunciation) Gödel. That's almost pronounced like "girdle" because of the omelet on the "o."
Juliet: I'm pretty sure that's an umlaut.
Shawn: I've heard it both ways.
Shawn: (to Juliet) We're about to crack your case like an egg. And then, we'll make some "umlauts." With shallots. And justice.
Shawn: The reason he's wearing makeup is because he is actually thirty trying to pass for a teenager.
Juliet: Thirty? (to Kirk) What kind of moisturizer do you use?
Lassiter: Cuff him, O'Hara. Here, use mine. You've earned it.
Juliet: (taking his handcuffs) Anything else I need to learn?
Lassiter: There's one last lesson. Forget all the other lessons and know that you're a good cop.
Henry: (about Kirk) I can't believe he passed himself off as a teenager for this long.
Shawn: I don't know, Dad. Slap a wig on you, you're a spitting image of yourself when I was a kid.
Place Names: The Meitner School for Gifted Students
Lise Meitner is a Swedish physicist. She was part of the team that discovered nuclear fission.
Character Names: Shockley
William Shockley is a physicist. He received the Nobel Prize in Physics in 1956 for co-inventing the transistor.
Character Names: Goddard
Robert Goddard is an American scientist who revolutionized the field of rocketry. Many of his ideas received ridicule from others, like his idea about the possibility of launching a rocket to the moon.
Character Names: Kirk Gödel
Kurt Gödel is an Austrian-American mathematician and philosopher. He is said to be one of the greatest logicians of all time.
Character Names: Professor Hahn
Hans Hahn was an Austrian mathematician who contributed to many mathematical theorems. This name may also refer to Otto Hahn, a German chemist who worked with Lise Meitner to discover nuclear fission.
Henry: (pointing to a chess piece) What is this one called?
Young Shawn: B.A. Baracus.
Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus is a character, played by Mr. T, from the '80s television show The A-Team. The show was about a group of Vietnam veterans accused of a crime they didn't commit. They managed to escape and continued their lives as vigilante-fugitives.
Shockley: The school has some pretty cool stuff, so we broke in late at night—
Shawn: Say no more. Fight club.
Shawn is probably referring to the formation of secret club where men can aggregate to fight each other. This idea was popularized by Fight Club, a film based on the novel by Chuck Palahniuk.
Shockley: The voice said something like, "I'm not gonna be pushed into a corner again."
Shawn: Are you sure it wasn't Dirty Dancing?
Dirty Dancing is an '80s film about the forbidden romance between Frances "Baby" Houseman (Jennifer Grey) and her dance partner Johnny Castle (Patrick Swayze). One of the movie's most famous lines is "Nobody puts Baby in a corner," spoken by Johnny.
Goddard: (reciting the conversation he overheard) "By Wednesday, he's a goner."
Shawn: "A goner"? It may have been James Cagney.
James Cagney is a respectable actor who is most known for his gangster "tough guy" roles in the '30s and '40s.
Shawn: It's a chance to go undercover in high school, à la 21 Jump Street. Obviously, I'm Johnny Depp. Sadly, you can only pass for Holly Robinson.
Gus: Why can't I be Richard Greico?
Shawn: Why would you wanna be Richard Greico?
21 Jump Street is a television show that centers around a group of young cops. Because the cops were young, they were often able to work undercover in high schools and colleges. Johnny Depp played Officer Tom Hanson, Jr. Holly Robinson played Detective Judy Hoffs. Richard Greico, who joined the cast in the third season, played Officer Dennis Booker.
Shawn: Isn't this the part where you say, (imitating Gus) "There ain't no case here, Shawn. Just a couple kids crying wolf"?
Gus: I don't sound like Richard Roundtree, Shawn.
Richard Roundtree is an actor, perhaps most well-known for his role as private detective John Shaft in the film Shaft and its two sequels.
Gus: That's because I was in Macbeth.
Shawn: Dude, you played Banquo's kid.
Macbeth is a play by William Shakespeare. Banquo is a general in the King's army along with Macbeth, and he has a son called Fleance.
Shawn: (to Goddard) Hold it there, Doogie.
Dr. Douglas "Doogie" Howser, played by Neil Patrick Harris, is a character from the '90s television show Doogie Howser, M.D. In the show, Doogie Howser is a teenage genius who graduated from Princeton at age ten and became a doctor at age fourteen.
Shawn: (sniffs) Does it smell like teen spirit in here?
This is a reference to the early '90s song "Smells Like Teen Spirit," written and performed by Nirvana. It became the band's biggest hit and has been certified platinum by the RIAA.
Gus: So you're saying it got here in the middle of the night?
Janitor: Who do I look like, Jake and the Fatman?
Jake and the Fatman is a TV crime drama from the late '80s. It starred William Conrad as District Attorney Jason Lochinvar "Fatman" McCabe and Joe Penny as investigator Jake Styles.
Shawn: (to Professor Hahn) I'm getting a feeling about you. Are you a Right Said Fred fan? Are you too sexy for your shirt?
Right Said Fred is a British pop band from the early '90s. The band's most well-known song is "I'm Too Sexy." It contains lyrics such as "I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts."
Kirk: I'll write the answer on the board.
Shawn: And I'll tell you the question. Have at it, young Trebek. (amusedly, to Gus) Trebek, I said.
Gus: This is Jeopardy!
Shawn: Potent Potables!
Gus: Questions That Start with "P."
Shawn: The smartass who thinks he's gonna make me look silly.
Gus: Who is (points to Kirk) this guy!
Alex Trebek is the host of the long-lived game show Jeopardy! Contestants are presented with clues in the form of an answer and they must ring in with the correct response in the form of a question. Contestants choose from categories. One of the recurring categories is Potent Potables in which the contestant must name the alcoholic drink made from the ingredients given in the clue.
Gus: (to the class of students) Now, kissing someone for the first time can be tricky business. I like to employ the Kadeem Hardison method.
Kadeem Hardison is an actor. He has appeared in numerous television shows and movies including A Different World and White Men Can't Jump.
Gus: I just found out that the course of my life may have been changed by my parents. You've seen Sliding Doors!
Shawn: I most certainly have not.
Gus: Yes you did!
Shawn: Dude, I have not seen Sliding Doors.
Gus: It was me, you, and Missy Isaacs. What are you talking about?
Shawn: I'm talking about a Gwyneth Paltrow vehicle that I know I never saw!
Sliding Doors is a film from the late '90s. It tells the story of Helen Quilley, played by Gwyneth Paltrow, who misses her train home after being fired. The movie then shows us two separate outcomes—what would have happened in her life if she had made it on the train and her life having missed it.
Shawn: I'm having a vision. The Man from Snowy River! Eddie Macon's Run? (Juliet shakes her head) Spartacus.
Juliet: Kirk Douglas!
Kirk Douglas appeared in all three of the films Shawn names. In The Man from Snowy River, Douglas plays twin brothers, Harrison and Spur, who haven't spoken in years. Eddie Macon's Run stars Douglas as Carl "Buster" Marzack, a cop pursuing a man who escapes from his unjust imprisonment. Spartacus stars Douglas as Spartacus, a slave who leads a rebellion against the Roman empire.
Shawn: Good, I'm glad you're all on time for Phsysics II: The Wrath of Khan.
This is a reference to Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, the second Star Trek movie. Admiral Kirk must fight against Khan, who hopes to avenge his exile.