Henry: Now listen, we don't get to go out very often, so I want you to order something special. Harbor Grill is one of the nicest restaurants in Santa Barbara.
Young Gus: I'm gonna have nachos!
Mace: My name is Mace Rhodan. I'm a private investigator.
Shawn: If, uh, I might give you a little criticism. I don't think you've quite mastered the "private" part. Of course if you're going for most obvious detective... (high-pitched voice) Nailed it!
Gus: You have a book of speeches?
Shawn: I wrote those a long time ago.
Gus: You already wrote my eulogy?
Shawn: I don't remember that.
Gus: "Gus is survived by his best friend Shawn Spencer and twelve cats."
(Shawn looks at a picture from Gus' wedding)
Shawn: Oh, my God. And your best man was a goat? I was supposed to be that goat!
Gus: Listen, I don't know if I can control myself around her, so you have to promise that you'll stop me from being sucked into Hurricane Mira again.
Shawn: Just call me "the suck stopper." (pauses) Scratch that. Don't—don't ever call me that.
Shawn: (about Mira) Maybe she works here.
Gus: That wouldn't surprise me. She's had, like, a thousand jobs.
Shawn: There's nothing wrong with that. And she doesn't just work here. The wine is named Mira.
Gus: Maybe they name a wine after all their employees.
Shawn: Remind me to grab a bottle of Leonard on the way out.
(Mira spies Gus from afar)
Mira: Burton Guster?
(Gus stares at her, transfixed)
Shawn: Gus. Gus. Gus!
Gus: What do I say? How is my breath? (exhales forcefully)
Shawn: Relax, remember the plan.
Gus: What plan? I forgot the plan!
Gus: You gotta get me out of here.
Shawn: OK, relax. I can have you in Mexico in four hours. But we gotta dye your hair, change your name, cut off your fingertips, so you can't be identified.
Gus: I don't need fingertips.
Lassiter: Whoever solves that case is the better detective.
Juliet: Solve your own cases! It's a refrigeration truck. It's practically a victimless crime.
Lassiter: Well, I guess you just don't count the people who aren't gonna get their lobster and sand dabs as victims. I'm surprised the Miami PD didn't fail you for lack of compassion.
Mira: (to Gus, lovingly) Sweet Gus...
Shawn: Yeah, he's pretty sweet, all right. His head is like a chocolate-covered honeydew.
Mrs. Gaffney: You're the psychic detective helping Mira. You know, I've always been fascinated by people with "the gift."
Shawn: Ah, you're talking about this. (motions to his face) Well, that takes work.
Mrs. Gaffney: This is our private wine and alcohol collection.
Shawn: Oh, I see! I have a private room for all of my Hello Kitty shot glasses and wild animal scat. I have many interests.
Mrs. Gaffney: You know, Shawn, I have very fine taste, and I like my wine like I like my men—white...and hairy.
Shawn: That doesn't make any sense. None whatsoever.
Shawn: I did find a Jeff Angland. He's an albino with a website dedicated to Short Circuit.
Gus: You put us on the e-mail list?
Shawn: That's a given.
Karen: How sure are you about this theory?
Shawn: Crystal. (pauses) That doesn't really work. Uh, very. Very sure.
Shawn: Does Gay Andy know you call him that?
Mira: He gave himself that name.
Lassiter: We're commandeering your watch.
McNab: You're commandeering my—
Lassiter: Watch. (holds out his hand)
Juliet: Lassiter is just being a child about his detective exam score!
Shawn: Wait, the DET? I took that when I was fifteen. I got a hundred.
Lassiter: I'm sorry. You said you got a perfect score?
Juliet: And you were fifteen?
Shawn: Yeah. Why, what did you guys get?
Lassiter: You know, it's probably changed a lot since then. You really can't compare it.
Juliet: Oh, apples and oranges.
(the Gaffneys leave after Shawn explains how Gus heroically took down Mace)
Gus: Dude, that's not how it happened.
Shawn: I know. What, Mace's cigarette triggered the sprinklers and he slipped and fell?
Gus: And then I may have knocked Mira over as I ran away.
Shawn: Let's keep that last part to ourselves.
Gus: And thank you for putting up with me throughout this whole thing. I know I was a little...
Gus: Well, I was gonna say "lovestruck," but sure, fine.
Episode Title: There's Something About Mira
This refers to the comedy film There's Something About Mary starring Ben Stiller and Cameron Diaz. In the movie, Ted (Stiller) tries to find the girl he was in love with in high school, Mary (Diaz).
Shawn: (to Mrs. Gaffney) I have a private room for all of my Hello Kitty shot glasses and wild animal scat.
Hello Kitty is a popular Japanese character. There is a wide variety of products that carry the Hello Kitty trademark, including (but certainly not limited to) stationery, clothes, toys, and computers.
Shawn: (to Gus) I did find a Jeff Angland. He's an albino with a website dedicated to Short Circuit.
Short Circuit is an '80s movie about a robot, Number 5, who comes to life. With that life, he gains the ability to think and feel in a humanly way.
Gus: (about Mira) So she was lying?
Shawn: Or she really is checking in to the Nutcracker Suite.
The Nutcracker Suite is part of The Nutcracker ballet, written by Tchaikovsky in the late 1800s.
Shawn: (to Gus) Plus, I promise to keep my Caddyshack references to a minimum. Now I've heard this club is restricted, so, uh, don't tell 'em you're Jewish.
Caddyshack is an '80s comedy about various events going on at the Bushwood Country Club's golf course. Shawn is quoting a line said by Al Czervik (played by Rodney Dangerfield), a millionaire who wants to buy Bushwood. Other notable actors are Bill Murray, Chevy Chase, Michael O'Keefe, and Ted Night.
Shawn: (to Gus about Jann) Jan Brady is not telling us everything.
Jan Brady is the neglected middle child from the '70s television series The Brady Bunch, a show about the union of two families when the kids' parents, one a widow and one a widower, marry each other.
Shawn: You know what, Mira? We just got a call from a prospective client. Something about a ghost in a ballroom!
This is a reference to the '80s movie Ghost Busters. The movie is about three scientists who, after being fired from their jobs, form a team that rids the city of its ghostly inhabitants. One of the calls they receive is to capture a ghost (later known as Slimer) from a hotel ballroom.