(Shawn and Gus stand before a fence with a high-voltage warning sign on it)
Shawn: Dude, I read an article that says 90% of high-voltage signs are bogus. They just hang 'em up there to scare people off.
Gus: Well, good theory. You test it.
Shawn: I can't touch that. I conduct way more electricity than you. You know that!
Shawn: Touch it. Just use your fingertip.
Gus: I am not touching an electrified fence, Shawn!
Guard: (appearing behind them) How about I touch it?
Shawn: I don't think I like the way that sounds.
Henry: Six a.m. Sharp.
Shawn: No, that's too early.
Gus: How about nine?
Henry: Nine's a little late.
Shawn: Come on, guys. Let's be reasonable. Just split the difference, OK? Call it eleven fifteen.
Henry: Six it is. I'll drive.
Shawn: You sure you wanna park this close, Dad? We're almost a quarter of a mile away.
Henry: Shawn, we're exactly where we should be to get a read on the situation.
Shawn: I can literally see the curvature of the Earth from here.
Gus: (to Pamela about Henry) Please forgive our Grampy here. He gets irate and a little forgetful.
Pamela: You two are brothers?
Shawn: Our father worked at Benetton.
Henry: I'll be your Talmadge McGruder.
Henry: I'll be all those guys, and I'll have this case solved by lunch.
Shawn: (laughs) Well, considering they eat lunch here at 10:15, I'm gonna say we'll have it done by 9:45.
Gus: I think all that writing gave me a ganglion cyst.
Shawn: You can't get a cyst from filling out paperwork.
Gus: If the pen is wrong, you can. There's definitely some carpal bossing in there. We should see if they have some extra thumb splints lying around.
Shawn: You know what we should do? We should enroll you in some man classes.
Gus: So how are we gonna blindly trace the man's jogging path?
Shawn: We're gonna use my Indian blood.
Gus: You can't get Indian blood by working in the casino.
Shawn: (scoffs) Maybe you can't.
(Shawn picks up some gravel and licks it)
Gus: What are you doing?
Shawn: (points to one path) I'd go uphill first, save the downhill part for the home stretch. Plus this side gets better shade in the afternoon. I'm also sensing some water buffalo nearby.
Gus: What is that, your Indian blood?
Shawn: They were here first, Gus. Don't ever forget that. Always hatin' on the Indians.
Gus: I'm not hatin' on the Indians, Shawn. I'm hatin' on you.
Shawn: Dude, that rock is sprayed with arterial red.
Gus: Maybe it's roadkill. Taste it.
Shawn: (stops) What is that about?
Shawn: My whole life you've been trying to get me to taste blood. Every time I cut myself or scraped myself it was, "Uh, Shawn, taste it. Lick it. It'll make it feel better!"
Gus: It does. Lick it.
Shawn: It's not my blood. It's on a rock.
Shawn: (to the hospital receptionist) Can you check for a John Doe, please? Actually, can you check all the does—Tae Kwon, cookie, play, do-si?
(Shawn and Gus emerge from separate rooms, Shawn dressed as a doctor)
Shawn: (turning to Gus) Candy striper? Really? I didn't even know they made those uniforms for men.
Gus: They just started. There was a lawsuit.
Shawn: I'm just saying. Aim higher.
Juliet: (to JJ in the backseat) Why don't you tell me why you're acting out?
Lassiter: I am not acting out! He started it!
Juliet: I was talking to the kid.
Shawn: Hello, I am Dr. Howser. I am filling in today. This is my personal candy striper, Knick Knack.
Shawn: He is from Guam. We will be instructing you. Let's begin. (to the medical student in front of him) You, impress me.
(the medical student has just explained, complicatedly, what happened to the patient)
Shawn: Now, do you wanna help this patient or not?
Medical Student: Of course, sir.
Shawn: Then speak to me like I'm ten years old.
Medical Student: Uh, he had a sudden drop in blood pressure which deprived his brain of blood. He also suffered a contusion and small cerebral hemorrhage.
Shawn: (nodding) Talk to me like I'm five.
Medical Student: His blood pressure went boom, and his brain got an owie.
Shawn: I see.
Gus: Three people have gotten suddenly sick there. It could be an Angel of Death type thing.
Lassiter: You know, that is a brilliant theory, but...what you failed to take into account is that it's five degrees hotter today than the same day last year.
Shawn: Frogs can't swallow with their eyes open. It's true. (everyone stares, confused) Oh, I'm—I'm sorry. I thought we were offering up useless pieces of information.
Shawn: Well, at least that gives us the how. Now we just gotta figure out the why, which reminds me, Gus. Will you please get us those tickets for The Who?
(they quickly point at each other)
(Darryl, an inmate who's supposed to scare JJ, tells him that life in prison is actually pretty good)
Lassiter: Thanks for nothing, Darryl. Oh, by the way, you can kiss that recommendation at your next parole board hearing sayonara.
Darryl: That's cool. I hear we're getting a frappuccino machine next month.
Episode Title: The Old and the Restless
This is a reference to the popular soap opera The Young and the Restless.
Shawn: (to Henry) I tried the whole I'm-a-traveling-doula bit, the (Australian accent) dingo-ate-my-baby routine, hiding-Gus-in-a-sack trick, which never fails.
The idea of a dingo eating a baby is a reference to an '80s criminal case in Australia. Lindy Chamberlain's baby went missing when the family was on a camping trip. Lindy reported that a dingo had taken her baby, but she was later accused of murdering the child and burying the body. The idea of baby-eating dingos later became a joke in popular culture.
Henry: (putting on an old hat) Shawn, I look like Henry Fonda.
Henry Fonda (1905-1982) is a well-known actor. One of his last movie roles was in the film On Golden Pond, which explores various relationships between its characters. In the movie, Fonda wore a hat similar to the one Shawn gives to Henry.
Shawn: And the date that's circled is the Santa Barbara marathon.
Henry: And how do you know that?
Shawn: Easy. It's the same as Val Kilmer's birthday.
Val Kilmer is an American actor whose birthday really is on December 31st. Henry later calls out Shawn's "unhealthy fascination with the guy from Real Genius." Real Genius is a 1985 film starring Val Kilmer as Chris Knight, a teenager who helps develop a laser for what he thinks to be a class project.
Shawn: Hello, I am Dr. Howser. I am filling in today.
Dr. Douglas "Doogie" Howser, played by Neil Patrick Harris, is a character from the '90s television show Doogie Howser, M.D. In the show, Doogie Howser is a teenage genius who graduated from Princeton at age ten and became a doctor at age fourteen.
Shawn: (to Henry) Yeah, well, while you've been here playing at Camp Cocoon, we've been busy solving the case.
This is a reference to the 1985 movie Cocoon. In the movie, a group of elderly people find that after swimming in the pool next to the retirement community, they feel oddly rejuvenated. The reason? At the bottom of the pool are cocoons that a group of aliens has come to retrieve.
Shawn: Well, at least that gives us the "how." Now we just gotta figure out the "why," which reminds me, Gus, will you please get us those tickets for The Who?
(they quickly point at each other)
The Who is a popular rock band from England. One of their most popular songs is the hit single "My Generation."
Shawn: A name is coming to my brain. Help me. Help me, help me, help me, help me, help me, help me, Rhonda!
"Help Me, Rhonda" is a song by the Beach Boys. It was released in 1965 and reached number one in the United States.
Visual: Henry in the group photograph, along with operatic music
When the real Talmadge shows up, Shawn, Gus, and Henry hurry out of building. The camera then slowly zooms in to a photograph of Henry surrounded by a group of people. This is a parody of the final scene of the horror film The Shining. The camera zooms in to an old photograph of Jack Nicholson's character among a group of hotel guests while the song "Midnight with the Stars and You" plays.