Olive: Ned hates Halloween, you know. Makes him moodier than a pumpkin full of PMS.

Emerson: Check please... (Olive gives him a bundle of cash) ...or cash. Cash is good. (grabs the cash)
Olive: I wanna hire you. Technically I already have since you were so grabby with the cash.
Emerson: Think of it as an escrow. Between my thighs. What's the case?

Olive: Yesterday, a ferrier named Lucas Shoemaker was found dead. Trampled.
Emerson: Why should I care about a dude that sells fur coats?
Olive: Not a furrier, a ferrier. Heir.
Emerson: Fair-rier?
Olive: It's a blacksmith. Puts shoes on horses.
Emerson: Don't try to act like that's a word everybody knows.

Emerson: You can't die of evilness.
Charlotte: Happens all the time you do something mean or hurtful to someone like tell a secret... Bang! You're dead.
Olive: Or Bang! You're not really dead you're just pretending to be dead while other people who think you're dead are heartbroken.
Emerson: Or Bang! You talk too much and you both go wait in the car.

Lily: Some boys started a rumor that we were witches. They say that we turn little boys into birds.
Ned: That's...terrible.
Parrot: Rawk! Help me, help me. They turned me into a bird.
Vivian: Scares the willies outta them.

Olive: Don’t you owe it to your horse to stand up on his two legs and get out there and live?

Narrator: Though Olive Snook had won the race for her life, in the race for the pie maker's heart, she had once again placed second.