Dusty Fitz: (talking about his murdered wife) She was having an affair. Said she was going to leave me or him. I'm not sure which. She wasn't using proper nouns.
Emerson: Let me just say I'm sorry about your loss. And I do accept credit cards.
Ned: Could that have happened to me, on the roof? Could I have been swarmed, in my underwear too? I could have been swarmed in my underwear.
Emerson: Hey! You don’t just get to put them pictures in my head. That’s an assault on my imagination.
Chuck: What if he was made entirely out of bees and that’s why she couldn’t see his face, because he didn’t even have one? What if there’s a whole beefolk society who walk around shaped like people?
Ned: You’re thinking about how you can train your bees to walk around in people shapes, aren’t you?
Woolsey Nicholls: You know, I find that the most amazing creatures have furry behinds.
Narrator: Kentucky’s affairs were clearly a bee in Betty Bee’s bonnet.
Ned: If I could breathe I would vomit.
Ned: What if someone from Betty’s Bees finds out you’re a spy?. Spying is a lot like sabotage in that they kill you for it. That’s what you do with spies and saboteurs—you kill them. And you don’t feel bad, because they’re spying and sabotaging.
Ned: What's gotten into you?
Olive: I am a sawed-off shotgun full of secrets!
Vivian: Did she say she was armed?
Olive: No, I don't have a gun. I am a gun. At any moment truth buckshot could come spewing out of my muzzle. Look out!
Ned and Lily: That's enough.
Olive: Truer words were never spoken. This rifle is going to go away in a little satin-lined case with the trigger locked and the safety on. I quit!
Emerson: I’m goin’ dose the both of you with a scoop of shut-the-fudge-up.
Betty: The colony collapsed. Mites might have caused it. In fact, we know they did. Took over every hive not long after Woolsey took over Betty’s Bees. Might almost be poetic, if it didn’t suck so much.
Betty: Mother was a Methodist and Daddy was a pragmatist, so God put those bees there for a reason.
Dusty: If I was more comfortable with you people, I would cry.
Chuck: Oh, you can cry, that’s okay.
Emerson: It is not okay for a grown-ass man to weep in public with a bunch of happy families enjoying pie. If you can’t hold it, you take your ass to the men’s room and cry in private on the toilet… like a man!
Dusty: I need to use the men’s room.
Vivian: (talking about Chuck) Her room is how she left it. Clothes in the closet. Her books on the shelves. Her special pillow still at the head of the bed.
Ned: I didn't know she had a special pillow.
Vivian: It was her father's. I'm sure it's teeming with fungus and microscopic bugs that feed on flakes of human skin, but she was fond of it.
Olive: But I like my belongings. That's why they belong to me.
Olive: Whoa. Hold that pregnant pause. I'm not with child. Unless it's immaculate conception or I wore a strange man's underwear.
Olive: I spent so much time praying, I’ve run out of things to say. I’m having awkward silences with God!
Olive: These nuns aren’t my people. Unless you’re telling me “flibbertigibbet” is a title of respect.
Lily: This place knows things about me nobody knows.
Olive: Like that you holidayed here thirty years ago and found a baby in a cabbage patch. And by “cabbage patch,” I mean your lady parts.