Ned: Do you ever shiver when you pee? That's how I felt when he spoke.

Ned: When a stranger says a strange thing in passing, chances are I misheard him or misunderstood. Maybe when he said "your mother's pie" he didn't mean my mother, he meant everyone's mother. The iconic All-American mother created by advertisers and politicians as a shorthand for family values and a longing for baked goods.

Narrator: As Chuck marveled at the Piemaker's refusal to help search for his only parent, Emerson Cod marveled at the digestive coma produced by beef balls and curried cuttlefish from the Dim Sum restaurant downstairs. His phone silenced, Emerson knew the world of clients and murders would soon be lost in the cloud of a power nap.

(Ned brings Bao back to life)
Ned: Who were you gambling with?
Bao Ting: I tell you that and I'm a dead man.
Emerson: See, what we need now is a mirror...

Emerson: Your mother had a hunch. I could gold-leaf my bathroom with what I made off my hunches.

Chuck: My mom's been lying to me for three decades about who she is. We have a whole pile of stink to work out. And I would if I could but I can't, but you can if you could and you should.

Chuck: Hey! Isn't that...
Ned: Simone? The dog lady you dated? Is that why we're hiding?
Emerson: We ain't hiding and we didn't date.
Chuck: You wanted to.
Emerson: Yeah. And then I didn't.
Ned: Why you didn't?
Chuck: No kidding. She's gorgeous.
Emerson: There are complicated issues in this situation that you don't need to know nothing about. Except that their complexities are so complex that they make this shallow conversation absurd.
Ned: Strange...
Emerson: You calling my romantic life strange?

Ned: Those folks are playing poker with food.

Emerson: Did you know Bao Ting?
Simone Hundin: His steamed buns blurred the line between eating and sex.

Narrator: This was the first time the private investigator had ever been ordered to...
Simone Hundin: Come!

Chuck: Yeah, imagine if we’d dragged Ned here and found out that his dad’s still an emotional disaster.
Olive: And it turns out he’s older and crankier and drinks $6 bottles of sour mash. Oh, Ned would have a trump card of an I-told-you-so.

Ned: “Maurice” and “Rolston”?
Chuck: You didn’t even know their names?
Ned: I’m glad Dad got so fun and creative with naming after <em>I</em> left. “Goodbye, Ned. Hello, Mercutio and Ribald.”
Chuck: Maurice and Rolston!

Emerson: Who shrieked?
Ned: I might have shrieked.

Chuck: Everyone needs family.
Ned: You're my family. (to Olive) And you. To a slightly lesser degree.
Olive: Thanks to a slightly lesser degree.

Olive: Hey, Crab Cake. You help him, you're an accessory. And I'm not talking Gucci handbag. I'm talking hard time in the pen, the joint, the hoosegow, the forbidden city.

Simone: From now on you will not speak to me.
Emerson: But I…
Simone: Or call me.
Emerson: But I….
Simone: Or come within twenty feet.
Emerson: But I…
Simone: And stop calling me “But I.”