Sam finds himself cooking over a hot stove as two children Kevin and Susan Bruckner, argue in the background over who owns a shirt. A third younger girl, Teresa, tugs at Sam's skirt while the dog pulls the breakfast off the table. All three children appeal to Sam, their mom Linda, and Sam realizes he's jumped into a woman again...Read the full recap
Sam: (voiceover) I know I fought with my brother and sister. It's the law of sibling survival. But somehow I always remember Mom and Dad bringing us under control with a kind but firm word. (to the arguing kids) Quiet!
Teresa: Are you angels?
Sam / Al: (simultaneously) No. / Yes.
Sam: What's the worst thing you can remember about being 15?
Al: Who, me?
Al: Getting busted by her parents just as I was...
Sam: Al, Al. I doubt that this has anything to do with sex.
Al: Well, of course it... what else could it be about?
Sam: He's supposed to be inexperienced. He's 15.
Al: I kno... I'll have you know when I was fif...
Sam: The fact that you were a practicing pervert at the age of five has nothing to do with the rest of the world.
Al: Words of wisdom from the world's most sexually backward teenager.
Sam: No. No, I'm not going to encourage a 15-year-old boy to have sexual intercourse.
Teresa: What's secular undercourse?
Al: Uh, it's a game grown-ups play.
Sam: Al, what if we teach him about romance?
Sam: I'm sure you've heard of it. The art of making someone fall in love with you.
Susan: Mom, I'm gonna miss Magnum.
Sam: It's gonna run for the next eight years, okay? I think you got a little time.
David: Man, with a mother like that, I'd still be a virgin too.
Al: (checking his handlink) You are still a virgin, pimple-puss. And you're gonna be a virgin for another six years.
Sam: Al, you think... maybe... you think maybe you could center in on Kevin just to...
Sam: Just--just to be with him.
Al: But I can't do anything. He won't even know I'm there.
Sam: I'll know.
Al: (to one of Kevin's abductors) You lay one hand on this kid, you slime bag, and I'll kill you. I don't know how, but I'll kill ya.
Sam: I was a virgin when I was 16.
Kevin Bruckner: You're a girl. You're supposed to be.