Carson: SUSAN FRICKIN' LUCCI!!!
Susan Lucci: What little straight boy hasn't dreamed of growing up and one day winning a beauty contest?
Rod: This place just reeks of excitement!
Lucy: I thought that was Thom's cologne?
Thom (watching from judge's table): ME!?!
Carson (to a very tanned Peter Rotundo): It's like you were on a rotisserie. You're so evenly brown.
(As Kyan judges the the shaving contest)
Kyan: We have a little bit of blood.
Lucy: It wouldn't be a beauty pageant if there wasn't blood.
Kyan: We have a little lather residue on the ear.
Thom: Oh give him a break! Let me tell you he was lathered up and shaving and ...
Kyan: Button up Filicia!
(Thom introduces the design contest)
Thom: I am going to play the role of the straight guy. And my girlfriend will be Natalie. Also known as Miss Universe. It's good to be a gay guy, right! I'm going to slip into something we found in, I guess it would have been Adam Zolta's closet.
Carson: Slip into something more heterosexual.
Thom (puts a very large sports jersey on): Oh my God! I feel straighter already! What up ho! I'd like to tap that.
(One of the straight guys picks up a indiscriminately gendered blow up doll)
Thom: Hey that's Carson's ex-boyfriend, don't take that.
Carson: Not Julio!
This was the last episode ever filmed, but it aired as the season premiere. Because of this some of the contestants introduced as "favorite straight guys from the show's past" had not yet been seen on TV, as their original episodes had not yet aired.
Rod and Lucy, two of the puppets from the musical 'Avenue Q,' appear as commentators throughout the episode.