Sock: We know what you’re up to, Sam. We saw you with Beelzebabe.
Cady: You want a drink? It's on me.
Sock: Okay. Yes. I will... drink on you.
Andi: So what's wrong with her?
Ben: She's a huge fan of Lionel Ritchie.
Sock: Isn't that messed up?
Andi: Oh yeah.
Ben: "All Night Long."
Cady: (on the phone) You know what else I like to do?
Cady: When I really get in the mood, I like to bite the head off of a live chicken.
Cady: Turn around.
(The Devil is impersonating Cady on the phone)
Sam: Oh, that was so...
The Devil: Oh, man, admit it. I totally hosed you.
The Devil: They ran off with $10 million bucks. They would have got away with it, too, if it wasn't for the fact they were total morons.
Sock: We need proof.
Ben: Yeah, he doesn't want to babysit your kids with horns.
Sam: Yeah, well you're not going to have to worry about that, because I would never let you babysit my kids.
Sam: Hey, Gladys, can I place the vessel on the mat?
DMV Demon: Place the vessel on the mat.
Sam: Hell is like the worst run business ever.
Sam: So that's what 6 million dollars looks like, huh?
Sock: Yeah. I was gonna get naked and roll around in it, but I didn't shower today. I didn't want to get the money dirty.
Ben: Thank you for that.
Sock: All right, fine, Sam, you don't want us to have any of this beautiful money, Huh? All right. Okay, good. I'm takin' this.
Sam: Sock, you hate alarm clocks!
Sock: I know. You're making me crazy, Sam!
Sam: Gladys wouldn't take the vessel.
The Devil: That's because the vessel was only half-full. Or half-empty if you're Catholic.
Sam: Oh my God.
The Devil: Hey. Easy on the “G” word, buddy. It’s rude.
Sock: I know, I know what you're going to say. (high whiny voice) "No we can't spend any of the money."
Sam: Yeah, because that's exactly how I sound.
Sock: Do you remember a few years back, when there was a fire at Josie's apartment?
Sam: Yeah, right before you guys broke up.
Sock: Do you remember it was around the time I was exploring my feminine side.
Sock: Well, mostly I was into jasmine-scent candles.
Sam: Did you burn down Josie's apartment?
Sock: It's a dark part of life, Sam. I'm not proud of it!
Sam: Are you trying to get back together with Josie?
Sock: What? I... I am trying to make amends, Sam, okay? And if she... chooses to thank me in a naked or partially naked way, well that's okay too. I'll take it.
Cady: Great hot tub, Sock.
Sock: Yeah, I know. Hottubbing is a passion of mine.
Sam: But why is it in your front yard?
Sock: Hmmm? Why would I put something this awesome in my backyard?
Sock: Privacy is for idiots.
Rick Forester: In my whole life I never so much as stole a mint from a restaurant.
Sock: (whispering) Aren't they free?
Sam: Shut up, Sock.
Sock: Hey, just to be clear, this noble gesture isn't going to end in sex for you. Or me.
Sock: Free booze, hot Asian girls, and the smell of grease. I am home!
Sam: I thought Forester deserved the money. I did the right thing.
The Devil: You know, you sounded just like Jimmy Stewart for a second. I have chills.