The Devil: You don’t like banana splits? What are you, some kind of Commie?

The Devil: The guy was a lawyer, of course. We have a lot of those in Hell.

Andi: Have you ever been hit in the head with shovel?
Sam: No, I can’t say I have.

Sock: It’s really nice to see that even though I’ve clearly moved on, that my mark is still all over you. Like dog pee on a pretty, pretty little tree.

Sock: What kind of name is “Cubby”? Who's named Cubby?
Sam: Your name is Sock.
Sock: (mockingly) “Your name is Sock.”

The Devil: I treat you with respect, and you treat me like little bits of dirt.
Sam: You are so weird.

Bob: My name is Bob and I’m a demon.
Everyone: Hi, Bob!
Bob: I had a rough week. Started off great. I rode around on Monday, collecting recyclables. Then I dropped coins into expired meters. Then I tried to eat a child. I knew right away it was wrong, so I untied the kid and called my sponsor, Randy.

Sam: From a bunch of demons I was expecting something more aggressive.
Steve: We do fun runs.

Tony: You guys die so quickly. You’re like goldfish.

Cubby Bryce: Are you willing to wear a cast or a neck brace?
Sock: Dude, I would be willing to put on your underwear with you still in them for seven figures, tell me more.

Ted: But she did call me over to her place tonight to help her hook up her DVR. And I think we all know what that means.
Sock: Yeah, that means she wants you to hook up her DVR.
Ted: No, hooking up any appliance is classic gay porn terminology for getting it on. And I'm pretty sure that that translates over to the hetero arena.

Tony: Sam is the Devil's friend.
Sam: Uh, to be clear, I'm not friends with him. He's just kinda clingy.

Josie: For the record, I dated you because you’re sweet, you don’t care what other people think, and you made me laugh.
Sock: I am all of those things. So, ummm… wanna make out?

Sam: I thought you didn't believe in love?
The Devil: I don't believe that humans can feel true pure love. But I know that it exists. I've experienced it myself. I'm not human, remember?
Sam: You actually loved somebody? Who? (the Devil looks up) You mean God? Didn't you try to overthrow him or something.
The Devil: Well, let's just say we had a little fight. I may have been a tad impetuous.
Sam: But you loved him.
The Devil: With everything that I was, I loved him. And he loved all of us, too.

The Devil: That is my private, and I do mean private cell phone number.
Sam: What area code is this?
The Devil: Phoenix.

Sam: We have plenty of food. Do you, uh, want papaya, or a steak?

Sam: Why’d you do it?
The Devil: I have enough annoyances in my day. (points at Sam) Exhibit A.