Sock: Now listen to me, Ben. I’m going to spit some scientific fact at you. The longer most men are in a relationship, the happier they get. The opposite is true for the lady folk, okay? So we would just like to see you happy making a woman miserable, like we’re both doing.
The Devil: Oh, look at you, man. I kick a soccer ball right at your head and you’re grinning like an idiot.
Sam: I’m not grinning.
Sam: I mean, what is he, a serial rapist?
The Devil: Wow, you go to the dark place fast.
Sock: He is Duncan MacLeod: the Highlander.
Sam: The Highlander doesn’t have a scythe.
Sock: He is Duncan MacLeod, the Highlander who now has a scythe.
(filling out fake applications)
Sock: What college did you attend?
Sock: (laughs) I went to Oxford.
Sam: Yeah, but I also went to Yale Medical School
Sock: I reseach alternate power sources.
Sam: I have a 4-foot vertical leap.
Sam: What did you… did you kill him, is he dead?
The Devil: I don’t know, Sam, I’m not a doctor.
Sam: He’s still breathing.
The Devil: Oh, thank heavens.
The Devil: You do know that the Creator didn’t make you in His image, right? The Bible was just being nice.
Sam: What, tying her up and throwing her in the trunk was the only way?
Sock: She is very comfortable in there, okay? I threw her fresh blankies, pillows, a little bundle of…
Sam: Solving the problem? This isn’t solving a problem, this is adding a felony on top of the problem!
Sock: Oh-ho! Sweet Home Alabama!
(after Tony extends his 10" tongue)
Sock: Oh now I see why Steve loved you so much.
Tony: : Oh, that’s inappropriate.
Sock: That’s a compliment, Tony.
Tony: I know, but it’s still offensive.
(at a maternity ward)
Older Woman: Which one’s yours?
Jack: That one right there. And… that one. And maybe that one.
Ben: Where is the place that women have babies?
Cassidy: Aren’t you a little old to just be figuring that out?
Ben: No, I… I know where women have babies. I was um referring to…where the room is, yeah.
Sam: Have you seen the baby ward?
Sock: Huh, oh, no. I thought I was following around a pregnant woman. But turns out it was just a bloated guy with a bad case of the farts.
Ben: Naked guy!
Sock: Naked guy! Naked guy! Naked! Naked guy on my back! Someone help! Doctors!
Andi: Although I gotta say, I’m stunned you’ve managed to survive this long. I mean, I shouldn’t have been afraid of you, I should have been afraid for you.
Andi: Outside the hospital, when you told me that you loved me, did you say that because you meant it, or because you didn’t want me to go to the cops?
Sock: I knew that locking her in the trunk of my car would work out for the best.