Sam: What does that look like to you?
Sock: Unicorn fighting a werewolf. It’s the ultimate battle.
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Sam: At least they hooked you up with that weird suit.
Ben: Yeah it was a present from an attempted murderer I met.
Sock: That’s an attempted murderer suit?
Ben: Yes.
Sock: Nice. Can I try on the jacket?
Ben: Hands off.
Sock: I let you try on my homeless guy pants. Come on.
Ben: Not the same.
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The Devil: You know, I got to say, this is one of my greatest inventions.
Sam: You invented the lottery?
The Devil: You betcha. State-sponsored gambling. Minimum wage earners spending their last buck on an 18 million to one longshot. I like to call it the idiot’s tax.
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Sam: Are you saying they’re lying?
The Devil: Listen, Sammy, they’re your parents and you love them. But people who make deals with me generally aren’t big on integrity. You can’t get blood from a stone, I’m just saying.
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Sam: She read Tarot cards?
Devil: Yeah, she was the real deal. Sold her soul to me for the power to predict the future. Earned quite a reputation for herself until the local villagers hung her from a tree for consorting with the Devil. Surprisingly perceptive for a bunch of clods with pitchforks.
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Sock: I was kind of having a kickass dream about zebras.
Josie: You don’t understand, do you?
Sock: They’re just basically striped horses.
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Sam: You don’t see Steve at all?
Sock: Look. Unicorn. Werewolf. End of discussion. Also looks like the werewolf grew a nice set of jugs.
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Sock: Three dudes in a tent. Sexy.
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Andi: Why did God appear to Moses as a burning bush? Or why do angels appear in dreams? Maybe it’s because they need to prepare you with signs, you know? Or maybe they just like messing with your head.
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Marlana: It’s amazing how funny and full of life you are.
Sock: Yeah, I guess it is pretty amazing how full of life I am. It’s coming out of every hole.
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Andi: It’s because she’s hot. This is your process? I spent hours on the phone and you guys just let your crotches be your guide.
Sam: And yet, the job always gets done.
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Sam: Baseball?
The Devil: I scout for the Yankees in my off-time.
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Marlana: Every time I kiss you, it sort of shaves about a year off of your life.
Sock: Uh, but that would be the ass end of my life, right? The crappy years?
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Sock: I’m detecting a little skepticism.
Ben: You’re on drugs.
Sock: Definitely detecting skepticism.
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Sock: It’s an unbelievable rush. I don’t even know how to describe it. All I know is that one kiss from her and I felt better than I’ve ever felt in my entire life.
Ben: What does that even mean?
Sock: Okay, do you know how good you feel when you wear your bike pants?
Ben: Yeah.
Sock: Yeah, it’s like that times 20.
Ben: Oh. I want a taste.
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Tony: You made it. You made it to Heaven.
Steve It’s even better than Cancun.
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The Devil: Oh look, Sammy, I have too much respect to lie to you, so I tell you in advance that I am most probably going to lie to you. I’m the Devil, Sam, lying is kind of like my whole bag.
Sam: Yeah, well I figured as much.
The Devil: Smart boy.
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Sock: You know what, Sammy, I don’t know what to tell you to make you feel better right now, I don’t. But I do know how to blow stuff up. So I figured, play to my strengths, right?
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Sam: Evidently, I’m destined to end the world. I can’t let that happen.
Sock: Well, you know what? You’re not really good at anything, so you’d probably screw that up, too.
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Sam: So I get it, I understand if you guys can’t hang out any more.
Sock: I am sorry, Sam. But we are not here to listen to you whine about which dark army marked you for death. We are here right now to honor the passing of the man who may or may not have been your biological father.
Ben: Well said, Sock.
Sock: Thank you. I recommend lighting the right foot and then running like hell.
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