Rimmer is having Dave perform an inventory check of the ship’s supplies. Dave finally demands a break so he can go for a drink but Rimmer insists that they’re having fun. Rimmer puts Dave in command for a few seconds and Dave says that he wants to relax, much to Rimmer’s disgust. Dave asks for his cigarettes and Rimmer reminds him that he gets one cigarette for each day that Dave obeys him. When Dave threatens to take more than Rimmer thinks he should have, Rimmer threatens to eject the rest of the hidden ship’s stock into space. Dave gives in and goes out to smoke.
Dave drives to his quarters and Holly explains that he brought Rimmer back because he’s the best person to keep Dave sane based on the logic that they said the most words to each other. Depressed, Dave goes to the disco and remembers when the crew was still alive.
Dave is at the disco with his mates Chen, Selby, and Peterson. He spots Kochanski and Chen tells him that she’s out of his league. Dave insists he doesn’t have any feelings for Kochanski. Rimmer comes in and demands his missing timetable so he can study. Dave tells him that he pinned it up on the wall after he spilled vindaloo on it, and Rimmer leaves in disgust.
Lonely and depressed, Dave lights a cigarette and sits in the dark.
Cat comes down the corridor admiring himself and pushing a cart with Dave’s cigarettes. Rimmer spots him and asks him to put them back, but Cat says that he found them and they’re his now. However, Rimmer offers to give him six fish in return for his putting the cigarettes back. A fatigued Rimmer then goes to see Dave, who is playing his guitar. When they get into their bunks, Dave asks if he remembers Kochanski. Rimmer remembers her as a snooty bitch who resented him. Dave wants a date with Kochanski and asks Rimmer to turn himself off but Rimmer refuses and holds up a black card to end the conversation. He insists that he’s Dave’s superior officer so Dave says that he’s going to pass the exams and become Rimmer’s superior officer and order him to obey.
Late the next afternoon, Rimmer gets up and tells Dave to start exercising, only to realize that Dave is already up. He asks Holly for a new uniform and discovers that he has Peterson’s wrong arm. The computer explains that his data disk has become corrupted and he’ll need a few minutes to restore it from backup. When Rimmer complains about his ears, Holly points out that they’re his ears. He asks where Dave is and Holly tells him that it’s security-protected.
On the drive room, Cat is eating all of the fish he can get from the dispenser since Rimmer showed him how. Rimmer comes in looking for Dave and orders Holly to tell him where he can find Dave. When Rimmer insults Holly again, Peterson’s arm starts attacking the hologram. Rimmer apologizes and Holly restores Rimmer’s arm... a second too late.
Rimmer finally locates Dave in the teaching room. He warns Dave that that he doesn’t have the smarts to become an officer. Dave admits that he knows nothing about any engineering precepts, but explains that he is studying for the chef’s exam. Chef outranks technician so he’ll be able to give Rimmer orders, but Rimmer tries to convince himself that Dave will never pass.
Later, Rimmer is studying for his own engineering exam while Cat lies on the bed, sick from eating too much fish. Dave comes in with a cake he made and assures Rimmer that he’s doing fine. Worried, Rimmer tries to convince Dave not to take the test. He offers him the cigarettes but Cat already told Dave where they are. However, he refuses to give Dave Kochanski and orders him not to take the test. Dave black cards him and says that since Rimmer respects the chain of command, he’ll have no choice but to obey Dave’s orders. As Dave tries to sleep, Rimmer says that he’ll become what he hates most.
The next day, Dave is in the drive room relaxing before the test. Rimmer insists that he’s doing it all wrong and running late for the test. Dave finally goes and walks through Rimmer when the hologram tries to stop him. However, as Dave begins cooking, a hologram of Kochanski comes in. She asks why he didn’t tell her how he felt about her and Dave admits that he loved her. At that, Kochanski says that she’s disgusted with him and it’s pointless for him to take the exam to get to her. However, when she starts talking about how she wants a man who is going places, Dave asks if their night of wild sex meant nothing to her. Disgusted, Kochanski says that Dave never told her about it, and then says she remembers. Dave tells her that they never made love and tells Rimmer to go away. Rimmer has Holly swap disks but discovers that he still has one of Kochanski’s breasts. Dave tells him to get out and Rimmer tells Holly to take his time.
Later, Dave checks the results of his test. Rimmer asks how he did and Dave tells him to address him as “Mister Lister”... and neglects to mention that he didn’t pass the test. Share this article with your friends