Rimmer asks Holly for Dave’s confidential reports and the computer reluctantly gives them to him. According to Hollister, Dave has no career prospects. Rimmer is impressed with the former captain’s insight, until he learns that Hollister didn’t think much of him, either. Holly detects an unidentified object approaching Red Dwarf
and shows it to Rimmer. Rimmer tells him to identify it and stalks off.
Dave is in his quarters eating and smelling a Cat Dictionary when the talking Toaster offers him some toast. Dave doesn’t want any toast or any other bread products. Rimmer comes in and Dave explains that Cats use smells instead of letters. When Rimmer discovers that Dave is wearing his clothing, he takes offense even though he’s dead. He then tells Dave about Holly’s discovery but Dave figures that it’s just another rock and there’s no other alien life out there. Holly calls to say it’s within visual range and Rimmer goes off to check it out.
Cat is roaming the corridors looking for food and Rimmer finds him. He tells Cat to keep it up and discovers that Cat has found a yoyo. Cat thinks that it’s a string-dangling device. Rimmer then gets to the drive room and discovers that the object is a pod. Meanwhile, Cat goes to Dave’s quarters and demands food, and Dave says that he’s been reading his book. Cat has the Cats’ Holy Book, complete with pictures. One of them shows Dave and Cat explains that it’s Cloister the Stupid. Dave tries to explain that he’s their God and Frankenstein was his cat, and the entire Cat race evolved from Dave’s pet. Cat doesn’t believe him and leaves. Dave asks Holly to translate the Cat Holy Book but the Toaster offers to help, thinking he’s looking for something more splendid than heating bread.
Rimmer runs in and tells Dave that they found a pod. They go to the observation room and check it out, and discover that it’s covered with markings. Dave goes in to examine it, ignoring Rimmer’s quarantine order, and Rimmer goes to get the scutters. Once he’s alone Dave scrapes the dust off and realizes that the hieroglyphs spell out “Red Dwarf Garbage Pod.” Holly confirms that Rimmer never worked in garbage disposal.
Later, Dave is trying to sleep and Rimmer wakes him up. Dave tries to tell him it’s garbage but Rimmer insists that it must be aliens and they just know the secrets of the universe... and how to make him a new body.
The next morning, Holly tells Dave that he’s translated the Holy Book and explains that Fiji has become the Cats’ vision of Heaven. The cats fought over what color their diner stand hats should be, wiping each other out. They finally called a truce, built two arks, and set off to find Fuji. For their instructions, they used Dave’s laundry list. One ark flew into an asteroid belt and the other one kept flying, satisfied that they were right.
Upset at the suffering that occurred in his last name, Dave goes to see Rimmer and complain. Rimmer is angry that he wasn’t chosen as a god and resents Dave, and Dave wants to meet them and apologize. When Dave goes on about it, Rimmer finally snaps and says that he doesn’t want to hear about it anymore. Dave goes to find Cat while Rimmer waits for quarantine to end so he can see what’s inside the pack.
Dave goes looking for Cat and Holly tells him that he’s off the monitors in the cargo hold. He finds Cat among what’s left of his civilization. One blind and dying Cat Priest remains and admits that he’s lost his faith. The Priest tells Cat to burn his red diner stand hat and says that he’s served a lie and Cloister was never there. Dave finds them and storms in, making Cat play along. The Priest confesses that he finally lost his faith and explains that the Cat race left the sick and crippled behind. Cat was born of an idiot and a cripple, and the others died off one by one. Dave assures the Priest that he passed his test and assures him that there is a place for him on Fuji. He gives the Priest his hat back and they watch as he dies.
Later, the quarantine period is over and Dave goes in to open the garbage pod for Rimmer. Dave shows him a rotting chicken and Rimmer figures that it’s an alien warrior… and then realizes it’s a garbage pod. Share this article with your friends