Sheila: She didn’t waste much time, did she? And people call me a whore
(Tommy and Tommy’s dad look at her.)
Sheila: Well they do.
(Talking about the pool the boys are in to quit smoking.)
Tommy’s Dad: Wow, six guys?! Ya know, if only three of them screw up, that’s a nice chunk of change.
Tommy’s Dad: So what are ya gonna do if you win?
Tommy: Buy some cigarettes.
Tommy: Ya know, they have blowjob contests in those private schools. There was a hug article in New Yorker Magazine about it.
Franco: Ya, I read it Tom. Ya, I don’t know. Maybe I’m hoping my kid has a shot at winning one of those.
Franco: Shit Sean, there must be five million broads in this city. You gotta pick Tommy’s sister?
(Talking about telling Tommy about him and Maggie.)
Sean: Ya know what? I’m gonna tell Tommy what’s going on. I gotta tell him.
Franco: Ya, well, here’s your chance, Champ. Here he comes.
Tommy: Douche bag, hey, the next time i find your scott pack where my ass belongs, your gonna find my scott pack halfway up your Goddamn colon.
Sean: Ya know what? Maybe I’ll, ah, tell him later. Seems… busy.
Sean: Oh God, babe. That was incredible. Whadda ya got, a drink?
Maggie: Ya know what they say, nothing like a little cocktail after a little cock.
Colleen: I’m a born again Christian.
Colleen: I am.
Tommy: Not in my house.
Tommy: How was your chick?
Franco: Ah, she’s okay. Kinda a girl I call a firecracker. Ya know, she’s got one good bang in her and that’s it.
Colleen: It’s okay, Grandpa. Did I tell you how much Jesus loves you?
Tommy’s Dad: Ya, a couple of times. Tell Jesus to lay off, will ya? Ya know, I’m glad he loves me, but that’s how rumors get started.
Sheila: Here comes the cake. Happy Birth…
Tommy’s Dad: Shut your hole! I’m warning all of ya right now. Anyone comes up with that Happy Birthday bullshit, I’m dropping my pants, taking a leak on this cake, and walking the hell out of here.
Tommy: All right everyone, on three.