Evan: Guess who's coming to town.
Hank: I'd say Santa Claus, but it's summer and we're Jewish.
Evan: Yeah, I wish it was Santa Claus. No, The General, yeah.
Evan: Paige thinks it's time for her parents to meet dad.
Hank: Sounds reasonable.
Evan: Oh, does it? Reasonable? Her dad used to be a General. Our dad used to be in the general population, Henry.
Eddie R. Lawson: If you change your mind, or if you get lonely, you callHank: me immediately.
Hank: Uh, why would I feel lonely?
Eddie R. Lawson: Because your brother just told me you were dumped.
Hank: I did not get dumped!
Eddie R. Lawson: He did not get dumped.
Evan: You did get dumped.
Eddie R. Lawson: You did get dumped?
Hank: I didn't get dumped!
Evan: I just want it to be good, you know? I want things to work out. I just want your family to like my family.
Paige: And I want that too. But cranking up the pressure on your dad and yourself is not gonna help.
Divya: So you're a businesswoman?
Fannie Todd: Mm-hmm.
Divya: And here I thought that you were just one of those...
Fannie Todd: ... crazy ladies who want to ride Rafa like a polo pony? (winks)
Simon Braddock: That pain in my right shoulder that I aggravated lifting that lid, it's moved to my left.
Hank: I don't like that.
Simon Braddock: You? I'm a fiscal conservative. I don't like anything to move to the left.
Divya: Hank, there are 7 billion people in this world, almost half of them are men. Statistically speaking, dating should not be this hard.
Hank: You know you can come to me about anything. Anything, that is, except dating.
Divya: Yeah, your track record is even worse than mine. And mine is pathetic.
Hank: Hey I said you can come to me, not you can make fun of me.
Evan: (to Eddie) All I needed was one night from you, one night for you to put me first instead of yourself. You couldn't even do it. You couldn't even for one night, because all you care about is yourself.
Simon Braddock: So how did my team do?
Hank: I left before the match was over.
Simon Braddock: What? Why would you do that?
Hank: To come here.
Simon Braddock: Oh, right. Sorry.
Eddie R. Lawson: I only did what a father or a future father-in-law would do. Nothing more, nothing less.
Hank: Humility, hmmm. I didn't know you had it in you.
Eddie R. Lawson: How is it possible that my first born, the doctor, can't find a good match?
Hank: I've found some, but for some reason, I just can't seem to hang on to them. First, a failed engagement, then I thought Jill was the one.
Eddie R. Lawson: Yeah, so did I.
Evan: You talked to him (The General)?
Paige: I did.
Evan: What'd he say?
Paige: He admitted... that he did go to Missouri with his assistant Sharon. And they were not there on Army business. They did stay in that motel for a couple of days. And she did die in a car wreck in his car. They wanted to keep it quiet.
Evan: I'm sorry.
Paige: He wasn't having an affair.
Paige: Turns out, she had taken him there to join my mom, because she was helping my parents... with my adoption.
Evan: I didn't know you were adopted.
Paige: Neither did I.