Josh: (To Sabrina) I can’t wait to spend your birthday with you. I’m giving you your first present early. (He gives her a kiss)
Sabrina: Ooh, and you saved on gift wrap.
Josh: I should get going. The people at work think I just stepped away to go the bathroom. (To Hilda) I’ll see you tomorrow.
Hilda: Looking forward to it! (To Sabrina after Josh leaves) He can’t come. Instead, you have to bring Harvey to your birthday dinner and instead of eating dinner, Harvey will be put on trial. No biggy. (She then turns to leave)
Sabrina: Big biggy! followed by a humungus... huh?!
Hilda: Your great aunt Irma, and by great I mean horrendously evil, found out that you told Harvey that you’re a witch.
Sabrina: Technically, I didn’t tell Harvey I was a witch, he found out on his own.
Hilda: Aunt Irma’s not one for subtleties. She’s coming tomorrow and we’re all in deep donkey dung if she doesn’t think Harvey can keep the secret.
Sabrina: Come on aunt Hilda, we’re family. What’s the worst she would do to us?
Hilda: Ask her daughter Phyllis. She told a mortal she was a witch and... (she pulls out a snow globe with a little ballerina in it) ...She’s been wearing that tutu for three hundred years.
Sabrina: On second thought, y’know, why would I want to spend my birthday with the guy I care most about in the world?
Zelda: (Sighing) That complete aunt Irma’s demented demands. The house is totally sterile... like her. (A tornado starts to whip through the house)
Hilda: O-oh! That’s either aunt Irma or a big wind chasing Helen Hunt.
Zelda: Okay, remember. Stick together and be strong. Don’t give her an inch.
Salem: She’ll be lucky if she gets an ‘hello’ out of me. (Irma then arrives as a tornado blowing through the house.) Hussar m’lady! I am your humble servant.
Irma: Silence! You talking throw rug.
Irma: Ah, you have a sandpaper tongue. (Kicking off her stiletto’s) I have corns on my feet. Do the math.