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One of the most talented and sought-after young actresses working today, Natalie Portman hosts SNL on March 3. Portman will soon be seen in the Wachowski Brothers' controversial and eagerly awaited "V For Vendetta." Known to millions of fans for her work in George Lucas' hugely successful "Star Wars" prequel trilogy, Portman is also an acclaimed Academy Award nominee and Golden Globe winner for her work in Mike Nichols' "Closer" opposite Julia Roberts, Jude Law and Clive Owen. She also earned praise for her work in Zach Braff's "Garden State," "Cold Mountain," "Where The Heart Is," "Anywhere But Here," "Everybody Says I Love You," "Mars Attacks!" and "Heat." Portman rose to early acclaim in two roles - her debut as a young girl protected by a hitman in "The Professional" and the ensemble comedy "Beautiful Girls."
Joining Portman and also making their SNL debut is Fall Out Boy. Grammy nominees this year as Best New Artist, the Chicago-based quartet has been topping the charts with their multi-platinum major label debut "From Under the Cork Tree" - buoyed by the smash hits "Sugar We're Going Down" and the current single "Dance, Dance." The band has been hailed as the "Artist of the Year" by Alternative Press and "Breakout" band of the year by Entertainment Weekly.
Sketches: "Bush Responds to Criticism," "Nelson's Baby Toupees," "Jamba Juice," "Larry King Live," "The Couple That Should Be Divorced," "Belated Black History Moment" (cartoon), "Art Dealers and the College Boyfriend," "Sheldon's Bar Mitzvah," "The Real Natalie" (film), and "RAD 3000."
Performances: Fall Out Boy performs "Dance Dance" and "Sugar, We're Going Down."
Guest StarsMusical GuestsUncredited
This is the first live broadcast after a month-long hiatus due to Olympic coverage.
In the "Sheldon's Bar Mitzvah," sketch, Natalie Portman's character is named Rebecca Hershlag. Hershlag is Natalie's real last name.
Dress Rehearsal Cuts:
The Collectors: Collectors (Fred Armisen, Horatio Sanz) are unable to make money because they can't speak English.
Broadway Lights Diner: Restaurant wait staff sings Broadway tunes for diners, then begin slipping all over the freshly-mopped floor.
Double Date: A man (Will Forte) takes two women (Natalie Portman, Kristen Wiig) out on one date, then proceeds to make out with them simultaneously.
prisonmates.net: The online singles site where women can meet men who aren't afraid to commit - because they're unable not to.
Star Wars Acting Class: In "Star Wars" acting class, Natalie Portman learns how to make funny character noises.
All that kids lookin’ up to me can suck my d*ck
It's Portman mother f*cker, I drink till I’m sick
Slit your throat, and pump nitrous down the hole
Watch you laugh and cry, while I laugh you die
And all the dudes, you know I’m talkin’ to you
[Scene cuts to a group of guys]
Guys: WE LOVE YOU NATALIE!
I wanna’ f*ck you too
‘P’ is for Portman
‘P’ is for p**sy
I’ll kill your f*ckin’ dog for fun, so don’t push me
At the beginning of the episode, the audio wasn't functioning properly so you couldn't hear Natalie's monologue in one speaker.
At the time of the first Million Man March, Bryant Gumbel was working for NBC, not CBS. Also, the clip from "Token Power" is allegedly from 1992, three years before the first Million Man March.
During Weekend Update, Donald Trump (played by Darrell Hammond) refers to Martha Stewart as a "Dutch witch," even though Stewart is of Polish heritage.
The joke that Sasha Cohen (played by Natalie Portman) mangles during Weekend Update is the infamous "The Aristocrats," which was the subject of a popular 2005 documentary.