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Seinfeld: The Apartment

Jerry makes it so Elaine can have the apartment above him, but then tries to talk her out of it once he realizes the possible ramifications. Meanwhile, Kramer uses mousse in his hair, and George tries out the "wedding band" theory in order to meet women.

Episode Info
Episode number: 2x5
Production Number: 208
Airdate: Thursday April 04th, 1991

Director: Tom Cherones
Writer: Peter Mehlman

Guest Stars
David BlackwoodDavid Blackwood
As Stan
Glenn ShadixGlenn Shadix
As Harold
Jeanine JacksonJeanine Jackson
As Roxanne
Melody RyaneMelody Ryane
As Joanne
Tony PlanaTony Plana
As Manny
Main Cast
Jerry SeinfeldJerry Seinfeld
As Jerry Seinfeld
Julia Louis-DreyfusJulia Louis-Dreyfus
As Elaine Marie Benes
Michael RichardsMichael Richards
As Cosmo Kramer
Jason AlexanderJason Alexander
As George Louis Costanza
Episode Notes
This is the first episode in which Elaine uses her "Get out!" shove that will be seen in a majority of the episodes following this one.

Episode Quotes
Jerry: People don't turn down money. It's what separates us from the animals.

Elaine: From a distance, you seem to be coming on to her.
Jerry: I'm a guy. It always seems like that.

George: I don't think anyone's turned down an apartment because of a weak shower spray.
Jerry: If they were fanatic about showers, they might.
George: For that rent, she'd take a bath in the toilet tank if she had to.

Roxanne: The marathon is great, isn't it?
Jerry: Yes, particularly if you're not in it.

Jerry's Opening Monologue: Well, I painted my apartment again. I’ve been living in this apartment for years and years, and every time I paint it, it kinda gets me down. I look around, and I think, well, it’s a little bit smaller now. You know, I realize it’s just the thickness of the paint, but I’m aware of it. It just coming in and coming in. Every-time I paint it, it’s closer and closer. I don’t even know where the wall outlets are anymore. I just look for like a lump with two slots in it. Kinda looks like a pig is trying to push his way through from the other side. That’s where I plug in. My idea of the perfect living room would be the bridge on the Starship Enterprise. You know what I mean? Big chair, nice screen, remote control... That’s why Star Trek really was the ultimate male fantasy. Just hurtling through space in your living room, watching TV. That’s why all the aliens were always dropping in, because Kirk was the only one that had the big screen. They came over Friday nights, Klingon boxing, gotta be there.

Jerry's Closing Monologue: I don’t know. What do you do when a neighbor is making, like, a lot of noise at three o’clock in the morning? I mean, can you knock on someone’s door and tell them to keep it down? You’re really altering your whole self-image. I mean, what am I, Fred Mertz now? What’s happening to me? Can I do this? Am I a shusher? I used to be a shushee. There’s a lot of shushing going on in movie theaters. People are always shushing. “Shh... shh... shhh... shhh...” Doesn’t work, ‘cause nobody knows where a shush is coming from. They just hear a shh. “Was that a shush? I think somebody just shushed me.” Some people you can’t shush in a movie theater. There’s always that certain group of people, isn’t it? They’re talking and talking, and everyone around them is shushing them, and shushing them. They won’t shush. They’re the unshushables.

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