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Seinfeld
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| Title: | The Apartment |
| Episode Number: | 10 |
| Season: | 2 |
| Season Episode #.: | 5 |
| Production Number: | 208 |
| Original Airdate: | Thursday April 04th, 1991 |
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Jerry makes it so Elaine can have the apartment above him, but then tries to talk her out of it once he realizes the possible ramifications. Meanwhile, Kramer uses mousse in his hair, and George tries out the "wedding band" theory in order to meet women.
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| This is the first episode in which Elaine uses her "Get out!" shove that will be seen in a majority of the episodes following this one.
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| Jerry: People don't turn down money. It's what separates us from the animals.
| Elaine: From a distance, you seem to be coming on to her.
Jerry: I'm a guy. It always seems like that.
| George: I don't think anyone's turned down an apartment because of a weak shower spray.
Jerry: If they were fanatic about showers, they might.
George: For that rent, she'd take a bath in the toilet tank if she had to.
| Roxanne: The marathon is great, isn't it?
Jerry: Yes, particularly if you're not in it.
| Jerry's Opening Monologue: Well, I painted my apartment again. I’ve been living in this apartment for years and years, and every time I paint it, it kinda gets me down. I look around, and I think, well, it’s a little bit smaller now. You know, I realize it’s just the thickness of the paint, but I’m aware of it. It just coming in and coming in. Every-time I paint it, it’s closer and closer. I don’t even know where the wall outlets are anymore. I just look for like a lump with two slots in it. Kinda looks like a pig is trying to push his way through from the other side. That’s where I plug in. My idea of the perfect living room would be the bridge on the Starship Enterprise. You know what I mean? Big chair, nice screen, remote control... That’s why Star Trek really was the ultimate male fantasy. Just hurtling through space in your living room, watching TV. That’s why all the aliens were always dropping in, because Kirk was the only one that had the big screen. They came over Friday nights, Klingon boxing, gotta be there.
| Jerry's Closing Monologue: I don’t know. What do you do when a neighbor is making, like, a lot of noise at three o’clock in the morning? I mean, can you knock on someone’s door and tell them to keep it down? You’re really altering your whole self-image. I mean, what am I, Fred Mertz now? What’s happening to me? Can I do this? Am I a shusher? I used to be a shushee. There’s a lot of shushing going on in movie theaters. People are always shushing. “Shh... shh... shhh... shhh...” Doesn’t work, ‘cause nobody knows where a shush is coming from. They just hear a shh. “Was that a shush? I think somebody just shushed me.” Some people you can’t shush in a movie theater. There’s always that certain group of people, isn’t it? They’re talking and talking, and everyone around them is shushing them, and shushing them. They won’t shush. They’re the unshushables.
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