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Seinfeld: The Masseuse

Elaine finds the perfect man, except the fact that his name is the same as a famous serial killer. Later, Elaine convinces him to change his name and they try to think up possible names. Meanwhile, Jerry dates a masseuse who won't give him a massage and George tries his hardest to get Jerry's girlfriend to like him.

Episode Info


Episode number: 5x9
Production Number: 509
Airdate: Thursday November 18th, 1993

Director: Tom Cherones
Writer: Peter Mehlman


Guest Stars
Hiram KastenHiram Kasten
As Michael
Recurring
Lisa EdelsteinLisa Edelstein
As Karen
Recurring
Lisa PesciaLisa Pescia
As Lisa
Recurring
Anthony CistaroAnthony Cistaro
As Joel Rifkin
John Bishop (1)John Bishop (1)
As Ticket Man
Main Cast
Jerry SeinfeldJerry Seinfeld
As Jerry Seinfeld
Julia Louis-DreyfusJulia Louis-Dreyfus
As Elaine Marie Benes
Michael RichardsMichael Richards
As Cosmo Kramer
Jason AlexanderJason Alexander
As George Louis Costanza
Episode Quotes
Jerry's Opening Monologue: If there's a serial killer lose in your neighborhood, it seems like the safest thing is to be the neighbor. They never kill the neighbor. The neighbor always survives to do the interview afterwards. Right? "Oh, he was kind of quiet." I love these neighbors. They're never disturbed by the sounds of murdering, just stereo. Chain saws, people screaming, fine. Just keep the music down. And all these women who always fall in love with the serial killer. They write to him in prison. Here's a woman that's hard to disappoint. I guess she's only upset when she finds out he's stopped killing people and she goes: "You know sometimes I feel like I don't even know who you are anymore".

Jerry's Closing Monologue: The Swedish are very big massager's. You know? They like the Swedish meatballs, Swedish massage. They like having meat in their hands these people, for some reason. But it's weird because they have the highest suicide rate, they're rubbing each other's necks all the time for a neutral country they seem kinda tense. I don't really like the idea of getting a professional massage. I don't want people touching me that don't know me and don't want to have sex with me. You know what are you bothering me for? You get me all loosened up, juices flowing, and then that's it OK. you're done. It's like having chocolate rubbed all over your face, you know you wanna go "Excuse me, I think you missed a spot."



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