Jerry's Opening Monologue: To me, the thing about birthday parties is that the first birthday party you have and the last birthday party you have are actually quite similar. You know, you just kinda sit there...you're the least excited person at the party. You don't even really realize that there is a party. You don't know what's goin' on. Both birthday parties, people have to kinda help you blow out the candles, you can't do it...you don't even know why you're doing it. What is this ritual? What is going on? It's also the only two birthday parties where other people have to gather your friends together for you. Sometimes they're not even your friends. They make the judgment. They bring 'em in, they sit 'em down, and they tell you - 'these are your friends! Tell them thank you for coming to my birthday party.'
George: How can you be a clown and not know Bozo?
Eric the Clown: Listen, man, this isn't my life, it's just a gig. So I don't this Bozo - what is he, some kind of clown?
George: Yes, he's a clown! Oh, forget it!
Eric the Clown: You forget it! You're living in the past man, you're stuck on some clown from the 60's, man!!
Jerry: So you feel that in today's society "Women and children first" is an antiquted notion.
George:To an extant.
Jerry: So it's every man, women, and invalid for themselves.
Jerry: Well it's honest . . .
George: You know, she should be thanking me for treating everyone like equals!
Jerry: Well, when she returns from the Burn Center, I'm sure she will . . .
Jerry's Closing Monologue: I was in a hotel room the other day, and on the back of the door in the hotel room they have the fire map. I'm flattered that they think I have it together enough to stand in a burning hotel room memorizing directions. 'Yeah, I'll go left by the stairs, right by the candy machine...' I'd probably get lost, have to go back to the room, check the map again...and they always tell you, no matter what, whatever you do in a hotel fire - do not panic. Hey, I got four minutes to live, I've never panicked in my whole life - it's my option. Even if they find you, you have a perfect excuse...'Gee, I heard they saved you swingin' from the shower curtain naked with an ice bucket on your head. What happened there?' 'Well, I panicked.' 'That's understandable.'