Jerry's Opening Monologue: It seems pretty hard to justify, at this point in human history, the existence of men and their handkerchiefs. I mean, they open it up, blow their nose in it, and then put it back in their pockets with their other valuables. Wallet, keys, mucous, yup, got everything. Is it because men can't give birth that they're just proud of anything that comes out of us? Well, actually have a monogram sewn on to it. What is the source of pride here? We-ah-uh, sticking out of the breast pocket of our jacket. 'I have a snot rag.'
Jerry's Closing Monologue: Coffee's a drink that seems to encourage a lot of accessories around it. Coffee cake, coffee table, coffee table book, clutches of people. Say what you want about alcohol, but not only are there not a lot of optional accessories, alcohol actually helps you get rid of things. Family, home, job, driver's license. In fact, at a certain point, the only thing you have to remember to get, is more alcohol, and maybe a rag for your squeegee.