Fee and V discuss Kev's proposal. She says he was wicked drunk, like
that David Hasselhoff video eating a cheeseburger. Fee never saw that.
The girls are dismantling neighboring toilet stalls as they chat. A
woman overhears them and joins in the conversation. She got the perfect
proposal. Champagne, roses. Six months in, she finds out he's doing her
sister. Fee and V come out of their respective stalls, each bearing a
giant roll of toilet paper. Fee says their V's relationship with Kev
seems perfect as is. Why risk ruining it?
Frank asks a guy in a neck brace what he gets a month. $674. That's what
Frank gets, too. He sees somebody enter in a full body cast, and tells
her her commitment is a bit over the top. She responds, but not in
English. Frank says he tells them he gets migraines. Genius. How are
they going to prove he doesn't?
V lays in bed looking bored to tears. She tells Kev to come back up top
and tell her why he wants to get married. Other than the presents and
the booze, can he tell her three good reasons he wants to get married?
Not really. She can't, either. She just wants the wedding to be off,
it's nobody's business why. Telling her mom is going to suck though. She
would have liked getting a free Kitchen Aid mixer. Maybe they can still
register for gifts. Kevin has a gift for her.
Her mom arrives at the door, singing "Here Comes the Bride." She's all
excited, and comes bearing her own wedding dress. Her bliss turns to
anger when she finds out there is no wedding. She doesn't want Kevin
calling her 'momma', either. She tries invoking the wishes of V's dead
father. He set a little something aside for her for when she finally
settles down. He left enough for her to get her first home. She doesn't
know how much, since he wanted the envelope opened on her wedding day. V
says she never knew how much it meant to daddy, and tells Kevin that
maybe they should reconsider.
Fee is peeing in a cup when there's a knock at the door. She's selling
her urine so somebody can smoke weed and keep their government job. She
trades her urine for a fresh pan of lasagna, and calls everybody down to
eat. V shows up and wants Fee to go with her to Target so they can
register for wedding gifts.
Frank takes a little sponge bath at the clinic, using the waterless hand
soap. He goes in to see the doctor, who is smoking a cigarette. She
checks his testicles and tells him to come back for a biopsy, since
there's a lump. He says it's not a lump, he has three testicles. She
says it's good for him not to be nervous until he has the biopsy. Now
Frank is nervous.
Fee arrives with Liam in tow to confront Kev about already being
married. He's afraid to tell V, he's afraid it'll hurt her. If he
doesn't tell her, Fee will. Frank is at the end of the bar, stressing
about his 'ball cancer' possibilities. One of the patrons reminds him of
how Lance Armstrong had the same thing, and he wound up just fine.
V shows up and greets Kev with a hug. She knows what house they should
buy when she gets her wedding money. He finally tells her the truth.
Back at home, she looks at the wedding picture, declaring the bride
beautiful. Kev says she was a headcase. She used to throw plates at him.
That's why he has scars on the back of his neck. There were so many
times he wanted to tell her. The more time went by, the more unreal it
Fee thinks she has a solution. Fake wedding. Her mom won't actually
follow up to see if it's true. Fee can get ordained online, and they can
just not register the license with the state. V loves the idea. She
almost falls over the railing, scaring Steve.
Sheila asks Frank if he wants her to go with him to his biopsy. He says
no, it's probably nothing. A benign cyst, an ingrown hair, something
like that. Sheila thinks he's right, she says. But then she bursts into
tears. She says she knew it was too good to be true. Frank's going to
die. Eddie comes through, bearing a cross. He's going to need to borrow
the house next week for rehearsals for the passion play. Sheila tells
Frank she has two plots in a cemetery, and she wants him to have Eddie's.
V's mom wants the family minister to perform the ceremony. He's married
everybody in the immediate family. He needs V and Kev to come to their
pre-wedding encounter retreat. Kev hauls V out to the hall because he
doesn't want to be a bigamist but she tells him to relax, she's got it
covered. Only she doesn't. Her mom insists that the wedding won't be a
wedding unless a priest officiates. Lip has somebody in mind who could
officiate. He'll get him if V lets Lip and Karen use her place Friday
Ian arrives at the store, and Kash's wife, Linda, is sarcastic and rude
to both Ian and her husband. She'll be gone all weekend with their boys
at a scouting event. Kash and Ian can have an entire night together.
Frank is about to bail on his biopsy , but he's interrupted by a nurse
coming in the door. She shaves him, and he develops an erection. The
doctor arrives, and Frank stops having a good time.
Sheila is fitting V for her wedding dress. Karen is being a compete
pessimist because she saw a marriage unwind, so she thinks she's an expert.
Frank goes to a cancer survivor meeting and does his usual amount of
damage, running his mouth.
Lip, Ian and Carl arrive to talk to the priest. They tell him that Carl
wants to be an alter boy. They leave him to talk to the priest, and in
no time, they hear a punch land. Arriving back in the room, they find
the priest on the floor and Carl waving a censer. Looks like he'll be
performing the ceremony.
Steve and Fee are driving around. She asks if V and Kev can use this car
after the ceremony and he says sure, but he'll need it back right away.
And they can't do anything bad in it, like have sex. Fee teases him, the
car starts swerving and they get pulled over. Fortunately, it's Tony.
Steve has his license, but no registration because it's his friend's
car. Tony says he'll see what he can do. Fee asks about the license, and
Steve says it's not real. He calls Jesus, and Fee asks who Jesus is.
Steve says he's a follow car. Shots ring out, and Tony leaves, with
lights and sirens. He returns to toss Steve his license and tells them
he'll see them at the wedding.
Steve and Fee get out of the car, tear off the plates, throw them in a
mailbox, and leave. the whole thing is a major turn-on, and they start
making out. Somebody honks for him, and Steve leaves, telling Fee he'll
see her at the wedding.
Frank started wearing a tie. He thinks he'll wear a tie every day. He
wants to look nice for the grim reaper. He figures he'll take his own
life. But there's still so many things he wants to do. However, he's too
drunk to remember them. Kev's friend swings by carrying something for
him to wear. Frank invites himself to the bachelor party. Kev says sure.
Ian and Kash arrive at his place. Ian is uncomfortable with all the
mementos surrounding them. It's too weird. He leaves.
V and Kev have their pre-wedding parties. Everybody at Kev's party is
wearing a giant fro. Frank painted an organ on Kev's face with marker.
V's brother Marty makes an appearance. He broke out of jail for the
wedding. He's crazy. Tourette's, bipolar and a drinking problem. V
pronounces him a shrink's wet dream.
Frank gets his diagnosis. Benign. He's not going to die of testicular
V tells Marty he has to go back to prison. He only has 18 months to go.
He needs to turn himself in. He refuses. He's not going to miss her
Sheila makes herself a dress that's going to protect her, like this
house protects her. So she can go to the wedding. Eddie asks her where
she's pretending to go. She seems to be making good progress, until
Eddie tells her the sun is just a big ball of fire that can plunge from
the sky at any minute.
Fee thinks they should just let Marty come to the wedding, but V is
adamant. She's doing an impression of her brother destroying the
ceremony, with Marty outside the door. He grabs her wedding dress and
prepares to set it, and himself, on fire. If they send him back to jail,
everything burns, starting with the dress. He won't open the door.
Debbie watches him from the top of the ladder, with Fee, V and Kev at
the bottom. She says he's just sitting there, flicking a lighter.
Back inside, V tells Kev that all she wanted was a home and some nice
appliances, that's it. Not all this bull. For their family. Kev didn't
know she wanted kids, she hates kids. V says that's other people's kids.
She wouldn't mind a little Kevin. Kev says "A tomorrow person." What's
that? That's what he calls mixed-race babies. "Tomorrow people." He hugs
V, and she smiles.
Ian asks Mandy to sign him into home room so he can go be with Kash. She
asks about the night before, and he fills her in. She kisses him, and he
asks what that's for. She just felt like kissing her boyfriend. Have fun
with Kash. He smiles as he watches her walk away.
V sits outside the bathroom, listening to her brother Marty play with
the lighter. She tells him she loves him, and doesn't want him to get in
trouble. That's why she wants him to go back to prison. But her wedding
day wouldn't be her wedding day without him there. In fact, she wants
him to give her away. He finally comes out, and Fee nails him with a
tranq shot. He passes out, and they handcuff him to the toilet.
Sheila made Frank a vest to match her dress. Lip is there to pick up
Karen. Sheila says she is ready to go. She makes it out the door,
almost. She can't do it. Karen offers to bring her a piece of cake.
Marty wakes up handcuffed to the toilet. He's happy to discover he can
flush it with his feet.
The wedding goes off without a hitch, anyway you look at it. Debbie has
on a dress that matches Frank's vest. They have their reception at the
bar. Liam is wearing the same vest as Frank. Tony catches the garter.
Frank gives a speech. V finally gets her envelope. The check is for
$500. Kev laughs. V wonders where her cake is, and Fee doesn't know.
Tony asks Fee to dance. Frank has a debate with the priest about God.
V's mom wishes Marty could have been there, and Steve finally arrives,
bearing the cake. Kev takes a family picture, since the Gallaghers are
the only family he has. Fee notices Lip isn't there. He and Karen are
going at it in the bathroom.
Marty wraps himself in toilet paper and lights a match.
Sheila watches a video of Charles and Diana's wedding. Eddie says well
she's dead now. How's that for 'happily ever after.' Sheila declares him
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