Sherlock: Why're you here?
Mrs. Hudson: I'm bringing you your morning tea. You're not usually awake.
Sherlock: You bring me tea in the morning?
Mrs. Hudson: Well, where do you think it came from?
Sherlock: I don't know. It just sort of happened.
Mrs. Hudson: Your mother has a lot to answer for.
Sherlock: Hmm. I know. I have a list. Mycroft has a file.
Sherlock: Your husband was executed for double-murder. You're hardly an advert for companionship.
Mrs. Hudson: Marriage changes you as a person in ways that you can't imagine.
Sherlock: As does lethal injection.
David: They're right about you. You're a bloody psychopath.
Sherlock: High-functioning sociopath. With your number.
John: The best man.
Sherlock: The best man?
John: What do you think?
Sherlock: Billy Kincaid.
John: Sorry, what?
Sherlock: Billy Kincaid, the Camden Garroter. Best man I ever knew. Vast contributions to charity, never disclosed. Personally managed to save three hospitals from closure, and ran the best and safest children's homes in North England. Yes, every now and again there'd be some garrotings, but, stacking up the lives saved against the garrotings, on balance I'd say...
John: For my wedding. for me, I need a best man.
Sherlock: Oh, right.
John: Maybe not a garroter.
Sherlock: The point I'm trying to make is that I am the most unpleasant, rude, ignorant, and all-around obnoxious arsehole that anyone could possibly have the misfortune to meet. I am dismissive of the virtuous, unaware of the beautiful, and uncomprehending in the face of the unhappy. So if I didn't understand I was being asked to be best man, it is because I never expected to be anyone's best friend. Certainly not the best friend to the bravest and kindest and wisest human being I have ever had the good fortune of knowing. John, I am a ridiculous man. Redeemed only by the warmth and constancy of your friendship. But as I'm apparently your best friend, I cannot congratulate you on your choice of companion. Actually, now I can. Mary, when I say you deserve this man, it is the highest compliment of which I am capable. John, you have endured war, and injury, and tragic loss. So sorry again about that last one. So know this: today you sit between the woman you have made your wife and the man you have saved. In short, the two people who love you most in all this world. And I know I speak for Mary as well when I say we will never let you down, and we have a lifetime ahead to prove that.
John: They all died, he was the only survivor. The press and the families gave him hell. He gets more death threats than you.
Sherlock: Well, I wouldn't count on that.
Sherlock: There was one feature, and only one feature of interest, in the whole of this baffling case. And quite frankly it was the usual. John Watson. Who while I was trying to solve a murder, instead saved a life. There are mysteries worth solving and stories worth telling. The best and bravest man I know, on top of that he actually knows how to do stuff. Except wedding planning and serviettes, he's rubbish at those.
Sherlock: You look... well.
Molly: I am.
Sherlock: How's... Tom?
Molly: Not a sociopath.
Sherlock: Still good.
Molly: And we're having quite a lot of sex.
Sherlock: But a word to the wise. Should any of you require the services of either of us, I will solve your murder. But it takes John Watson to save your life.
Sherlock: Murder. Sorry, did I say murder? I meant to say marriage. But, you know, quite similar procedures when you think about it. The participants tend to know each other and it's assuming they want one of them dead. In fairness, murder is a lot quicker, though.
Page Boy: Mr. Holmes, Mr. Holmes!
Sherlock, Oh, hello again, Archie, what's your theory? Get this right and there's a headless nun in it for you.
Sherlock: Don't panic. None of you panic. Absolutely no reason to panic.
John: Oh, and you'd know, of course?
Sherlock: Yes I would. You're already the best parents in the world, look at all the practice you've had.
John: What practice?
Sherlock: Well, you're hardly going to need me around now that you've got a real baby on the way.